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By Shinzui
Pricked cat-like ears listened intently to the sounds of twilight. Nearby, the stream that Rei knew to run through most of his village's territory bubbled and babbled serenely. The gentle whispers of the night's breeze accompanied the usual rustling of the leaves and bright green grass blades. And, instead of the stringy colourful birds, the jade crickets chirped their harmonious chorus to say farewell to another fine and lovely day.
A faint ghost of a smile graced his lips as he leaned against a sturdy tree trunk. Finding solace from solitude was one of his favorite activities, one that he had taken a lot of time from doing lately. Was he becoming an anti-social introvert? Doubtfully. If he were, he would force himself to interact almost daily with his friends and family. But then again, with Takao as one of his comrades – who would need to force themselves?
Chuckling at his own pathetic joke, Rei raised his gaze at the ghastly half-circle shining on the insanely glitter-covered sky. It looked a lot like the well-known smile of a Cheshire cat, giving it an impish glow instead of its usual otherworldly light. However, the mischievous shine wasn't reflected in his golden orbs – it was replaced with deep pain and sadness. Pain and sadness… they weren't even known to anyone but him. Only he knew about the pain that had existed inside.
His character was fragile but very elusive. No one knew what he was truly capable of, let alone understand him completely. No one knew what it was like to bear a phantom mask made of pristine glass. No one knew how to fully comprehend his unstable emotions. There was absolutely no one out there. There was no one who could and would try to get to know him better.
No one…
It's a painful thing to know that not a single person cares for you.
Not that my friends notice. No, they never do.
They go about their plans and lives as freely as ever. Even Kai seems to have cheered up – not so much as the bitter cold icicle that he was before.
I hardly get a second glance, not even when I refuse the chance to eat or go out. They merely accept my answer about me not feeling hungry and not feeling well.
However, that's only Takao, Max and Kyouju… They'd buy any lie I tell them because of their childish naivety. And today, they bought that falsehood again – thinking that I went out to get some fresh air when, in truth, I really wanted to get away from them.
I guess they haven't been exposed to the harsh reality of this world. Lucky kids… I'd kill to actually be a carefree child, but that's not within my reach… It's too far away… too much to ask for…
Really… I don't deserve to be happy, let alone feel contented with what I have. There's something missing… I don't know what it is…
Could it be…
"I finally found you," A cold and firm voice stated, soon to be followed by the sounds of moving bushes.
The White Tiger looked over to the dense underbrush, watching as a familiar figure stepped out. He managed to suppress a small chuckle at the sight of his aloof team captain: twigs and leaves were stuck on the two-toned hair, disheveling it even more. However, he wasn't able to stop the playful smirk that was tugging at the edge of his lips.
"Nice hairdo. It's very unique. It screams, 'Nature Look', all over." He commented, receiving a glare from the older boy. He shrugged casually and returned back to his stargazing. He didn't really like Kai's presence around him right now – not when the memories would surely flood back, not when the sadness was so strong. But then again, maybe he could finally tell someone…
Maybe…
The Red Phoenix brushed away anything that was caught in his wild locks and released a sigh. That was a very nice entrance – especially from him. Yeah, a nice entrance to make a fool of him. Whatever, he wouldn't contemplate about that anymore. What is done is done. It already happened, so what was the use of complaining about that?
Bah…
I've got more important things to worry about…
There's Rei, and…
Where the hell am I anyway?
His crimson gaze wandered around the tranquil area that he was in, studying each and every section with careful scrutiny. There was one main stream with a myriad of small tributaries and creeks, bubbling gently over rocks and other obstacles. Also, there were all other sorts of pools, waterfalls and brooks running throughout the place, giving it a paradise's appeal. Surrounding the water was mostly grass and severak wild flowers, swaying softly against the wind.
Kai concluded that this was a miniature "Garden of Eden" in its very own way. It wasn't only because of its majestic beauty, but it was also because of the towering mountain of rocks and trees. It protected the only entrance to this area – just like the sword of flames with the aforementioned garden.
"What do you call this place?" He asked as he leaned back against the same tree Rei was on, sliding down to the ground. He closed his fiery orbs and allowed himself to be completely entranced by the soft lulling of Gaia's song, waiting in rigid silence for his friend's reply.
"Crystal… Springs…" Rei answered, his voice having no emotion or whatsoever. His eyes had already lost their vibrant light a while back, and he was left gazing dazedly at the azure night canvas. The memories were coming – he could already hear the screams of hatred and sorrow. He could already see it. He could already feel it…
"It's your fault! She's dead because of you!"
The little boy cowered under the hateful gaze, flinching ever now and then. He was frightened by this whole incident, but he couldn't really help it. He knew that he asked for it. He knew that he deserved it. He knew that he deserved every single burden that was thrown on his small shoulders.
"I'm sorry for existing."
A restrained whimper, "M'sorry…"
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Kai looked up at his friend and noticed the faint traces of anxiety written all over the creamy tanned face. Something was definitely amiss. His usual scowl darkened even more as he tried to guess what was bothering the other teen. Could it be because of a fight with someone? No, that couldn't be it – Rei was far too friendly to actually let that happen. Could it be because of any upcoming tournaments? No, there wasn't any to begin with – that was why they decided to spend their week off at raven-haired boy's isolated village.
A personal matter, perhaps? Maybe.
"Rei?"
"Yeah?"
"Is there something wrong?" Kai asked, staring at his friend with concern. "And don't give me the 'I'm fine' bullshit. I've used that gig for a long time to know when it's shown right in front of my face." He received silence as a reply, and he would certainly not settle for that. He needed to know what was wrong – not because he was curious, but because he was worried. Besides, friends always look out for each other, right?
The neko-jin pushed himself off the tree and moved over to the main stream. He knelt right beside it, staring at the crystal clear water. He could see his reflection gazing right back at him, watching him with those questioning eyes. Was he losing himself to his current façade? Was he the cause of his own despair? He shook his head and rubbed his temples, wondering where those questions came from. He sighed heavily and settled for just staring at the blue liquid, feeling as if he was trapped in a picture.
"Rei--"
"Come see. It's like looking at a photograph."
The slate blue-haired boy blinked twice; he did not expect this from his teammate. He snorted, "I'd rather not."
"How come?" The Chinese Beyblader asked, his voice having a hint of curiousity.
"The idea does not seem appealing to me," Kai began, "It's a strange feeling… The mere movement of touching a photograph makes me feel separated from the planes of existence. It's like a brick wall between my life and me. I feel as if I'm imprisoned within the materialism of the photo while the whole world is out there, carrying on regardless. To feel left out… To feel isolated from all the things you and the others are doing…"
"I didn't know you see it that way…" Rei murmured, gently dipping his fingers at the cool cold water. He was mesmerized by the ripples that were forming on the surface and by Kai's words. He never knew that his captain felt like that. But maybe it was because he hardly knew anything about the guy, let alone be a close friend of his…
Sighing gravely, he pushed those thoughts away and decided to reply. He didn't have anything else better to do. "I had no idea… But, you wanted it. You didn't want to be part of us."
"That doesn't mean that I don't want to be included. And--" Kai blinked, realizing how far off the topic they went. He wasn't here to talk about his own cursed insecurities. Or, was that Rei's plan all along? To throw him off the right path so he wouldn't have to question the younger boy any further?
"And what?"
"None of your business," Kai hissed, retreating back into his reserved shell. He almost spilled most of his well-kept secrets… He couldn't afford to let that happen again, because that was way too close for comfort. Bah… he should really just get back to the matter at hand. "Now, back to my question: Is there something wrong?"
"Even if there was, I wouldn't tell you…" Rei stood up and walked out of the area, navigating his way through all of the obstacles with practiced ease. He didn't want to talk about anything with anyone – especially Kai. He knew that none of them would care anyway – so why bother?
"And why is that?" Kai asked, stepping right behind the raven-haired boy. He could tell that there was something terribly wrong – it was eating Rei all up inside.
The White Tiger suddenly sighed heavily, his face an impenetrable mask. "Forget about it. It's nothing. And, it's none of your business anyway." He found himself growing irritated as he felt Kai's worried look. He turned around sharply, "You know how it feels to be pressured, right? The more you ask me, the more I won't tell you. So, don't bother me anymore."
"Rei…" Kai trailed off, thinking of the right words to say. "You know that you'll do the same if it was anybody else who was in need… I sense a deep strife in you. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help you."
"I already told you… It's nothing," The boy raised his amber eyes to meet blood red ones. "I'm fine, okay?"
Am I?
"I don't believe you."
"It doesn't matter if you believe me or not," Rei stated as he started off in the direction of his village. He suddenly felt someone's hand gripping his wrist firmly, and so he turned to face Kai. "Let me go." He tried to yank his hand away but the other boy held it tight.
"What's up with you? Here I am, asking you what's wrong and you shun me out. Are your secrets that painful?" The slate blue-haired inquired, not really knowing what he was getting himself into. He loosened his hold on the raven-haired teenager's hand and watched as the same hand slipped away.
The golden orbs stared at the grassy ground, refusing to make any eye contact with the Red Phoenix. His stomach was in knots, and he felt like he was going to choke. It was a strange feeling, indeed. But, it was nothing new – it always happened at times like these.
He strode over to a tall tree and swiftly hoisted himself up. He always loved climbing trees when he was young, but then his dad never allowed him too. However, that never stopped him before. "I feel like taking this conversation up on these magnificent trees…"
"That's just plain stupid, Rei. We both know that we can talk down here," Kai pointed out, stepping away uncomfortably. He did not get on well with trees – past experience taught him that.
"If you want to know what's bothering me, then come on…" The sound of the rustling leaves was heard, muffling Rei's light footsteps. And then, it suddenly stopped.
"If you think that's going to make me go up, then you're sadly mistaken," Kai said loudly. And, he became unnerved when his friend did not reply. "Rei?"
Grumbling, he decided that it was a ploy to get him to panic. He sighed and jumped for the lowest branch that he could find. And slowly, he climbed until he reached a larger branch, big enough to support his weight. "This can't be safe…" He said as he grasped the branch and swung himself up. His eyes suddenly caught sight of a white clad figure, sitting on the opposite branch.
"There you are," He said, slightly dizzy from the height. "This will be the last time you shall see me at such a height. What… Rei?"
The younger boy was rocking back and forth, murmuring in the quietest of voices. His eyes were blank and unseeing, his face set in an emotionless mask. Troublesome thoughts zipped back and forth across his mind, confusing him even more. Should he tell his team captain? Should he shatter his mask before it consumed him for good? He didn't know what he should do right now…
Kai watched in horror as his friend leaned far too forward and began to lose his balance carelessly. "No!" He cried out and jumped across without thinking, grabbing Rei's shoulders as he did. In one fluid move, he flipped both of them over so that his friend would land on top of him. The wind was knocked out of him as they both hit the ground. Hard. His ears were ringing and he had a fairly hard time breathing for a little while.
Breaking out of the embrace, Rei checked on the other boy's condition. "Are you alright?" He asked, seemingly unfazed that they just fell off the tree. He helped his leader to sit up straight and eyed him calmly.
"Yeah, I'm fine…" Kai answered, shaking his head to regain himself. "And Rei?"
"Hmm?"
"Don't ever pull a stunt like that again," He replied coldly. His flat tone was terribly frightening. It was so dead and lifeless, nothing similar to Kai's usual personality.
"Whatever."
The Red Phoenix felt his blood boil in anger, "Alright. That's it. I've had it. If you're going to continue evading my question, then I'm going to pester you until you tell me all about it."
"Is that a threat?"
"No," Kai smirked. "It's a promise."
Rei drew in a shaky breath.
One…
Two…
Three…
"Fine!" He snapped, flinging his arms in the air. "Fine! You win! You want to know what's wrong? Okay, I'll tell you." He took in a deep breath. "It's my birthday today and it's the same day my mother died. My father hated me because I killed his wife. Happy now?"
Silence.
Kai didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He never learned how to comfort somebody when he was training at the abbey. Honest, he never did.
"Rei… I…" He groped around for the right words, but came up with nothing more than a mere blank. A thin black line.
"I knew you wouldn't understand…" The White Tiger tried to crack up a smile, but he failed miserably. He lowered his eyes and allowed his rebellious bangs to cover those faded amber gems. He didn't cry – nor did he shed a tear. He never did in the past, not even when he felt that the whole world was closing in on him. And so, he certainly didn't want to start right now.
The Red Phoenix merely watched as his friend's broad shoulders started to shiver every now and then. Was he supposed to do something right about now? Mehya… He wasn't used to offering human gestures as comfort, and he was no good when it came to dealing with such raw and foreign emotions. He acted upon them, but never paused for a moment to understand them.
'Do something.' Kai's mind screamed at him.
Like what?
'Use your heart for once and think, baka.'
My… heart…?
He thought about it for a minute and mumbled something to himself. He inched closer to the troubled youth and slowly raised his arms. Silently hoping that he wouldn't mess up, Kai pulled Rei into a slow hug, giving him ample time to shift away. In fact, he was actually waiting for it to happen. The other boy didn't really like getting hugs as much as Kai giving them.
Surprisingly, however, the raven-haired teen only stiffened for a moment, and then he allowed himself to be pulled closer to the strong chest. He also felt uncertain fingers stroking his raven locks, which still concealed his eyes. A few shuddering breaths emitted from his lips, and then he was able to compose himself again. He, all of a sudden, felt mortified – ashamed. He cursed at his own stupidity. He shouldn't have revealed his disturbed nature to his friend after he had fought so 'valiantly' to hide it from everyone. However, he knew that it was already too late…
"Feeling any better?"
"Mhhmm…"
And then, silence lapsed over the two boys yet again. Not one of them knew what to do other than bask in each other's presence. It was comforting and strange at the same time. Both of them were completely quiet… Well, that was until Rei decided to speak…
"You know what…" He whispered. "When I was young, there were these kids that called me murderer. They accused me of killing my own flesh and blood – my mother. They told me that it was my fault she's dead… Even my father agreed with them…" He raised his head to look up into Kai's eyes, frightening the other boy with his dead stare. "Was it really my fault?"
The slate blue-haired boy's expression softened, his clear wine red eyes unwavering. He never knew that this kind of pain existed deep within the other boy. He was always so happy… But then again, when it came down to this, it was always the one you least expected. Like in those mystery murder novels… The author would often point out clues to one particular person, and then in the end – you'd be surprised at who the real killer was. And, it was the exact same case right here – except, he thought that he was the only one who knew what pain was.
"Rei… Listen to me… It wasn't your fault. It never was your fault. You couldn't have done anything to stop it," Kai murmured, tightening his embrace around the youth. He didn't have complete control on what he was saying, but it didn't really matter to him – yet. "I'll say this again: It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. Alright?" He mentally slapped himself – he sounded like a complete moron. And more importantly, those were words that weren't usually part of his everyday vocabulary.
Those corny words did not come from my mouth…!
"Kai… Thank you…"
Shinzui's Rolling Rant
Whoopie doo. I ish back from zeh graveyard. Aren't y'all happeh!? *coughs* Anyway! New format of fanfiction and a new stowwie fer y'all! It's my entry to the KaixReiML Fic Rush challenge, and I decided to turn it into a chaptered ficlet. This piece is dedicated to zeh ever-so-lovable Enkeli, who truly gave me the fuel to continue this ficcie. Without her, this might've been added to my "Forget It" pile. ^__^;; So go worship her! I command thee! Erm… okee – nevermind that. XD Uh, what else? Ah yes! This isn't your everyday Kai/Rei – 'tis a friendship ficcie instead. There's just isn't enough out there!! In any case, that's it for now. Later Dayz!
