Speak Now: A one-shot fic based loosely on Taylor Swift's song - Speak Now from her new album.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, those rights belong to J.K. Rowling. I also do not own the lyrics to Speak Now, that belongs to Taylor Swift.
A/N: There's a poll on my profile regarding whether or not I should post a sequel to this fic. Please vote and let me know how you feel!
I kissed him.
It happened so suddenly that I wasn't aware that I was about to do it until the second before I had pressed my lips against his soft warm ones. It had been perfect, beautiful and glorious - everything I'd imagined I would experience. It seemed as though nothing would go wrong until he pushed me away, shock and horror and perhaps (dare I imagine it!) a bit of pleasure flashed across his face. His green eyes shone with emotion. I'd thought this was it. He finally realized that I was the one for him, that he'd be happy to spend the rest of his life with me – his best friend.
However, the illusion shattered when he gulped. My heart froze and dropped to the pit of my stomach.
"Hermione, I'm sorry, but I don't think of you that way. I'd never realized you'd had feelings for me. You are my best friend. I don't think…" he said with a shaking voice.
I felt lightheaded as my heart shattered into tiny pieces. He continued to stare at me. I knew he was waiting for some sort of response but a wave of pain had swamped and drowned out my senses. My heartbeat was tiny and discordant in my ears, as if it was failing me. I was unable to produce a coherent thought. I flashed back to those moments we spent together – when we danced in the tent after Ron left us on the Horcrux hunt, when we'd flown together on Buckbeak in the third year and how we'd always confide our deepest secrets and thoughts with each other. I wondered if he would understand that Ginny would be unable to attain that level of closeness with him, that only we two would be able to experience love that was truer and more beautiful than anything else in this world. It was a love that millions would die for; love that I knew we could have.
His eyes searched my face and his mouth opened and closed like a fish. After awhile, he seemed to conclude some inner battle.
"I'm really sorry Hermione. I still hope you'd be able to come to the wedding. Ginny was really looking forward to you being her maid of honor," he said whilst his hand reached out to squeeze mine.
I squeezed my eyes shut as they started to sting. I tried to hold to on to what tattered remains of pride I had and turned away from him abruptly.
"Sure Harry," I murmured before striding away.
I am not the kind of girl,
who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion,
But you are not the kind of boy,
Who should be marrying the wrong girl.
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One month later
Harry Potter paced the floor of his living room.
"I'm about to marry the girl of my dreams today. I'm about to marry the girl of my dreams today. I'm going to keep telling myself this until I believe it," he kept repeating in his head.
He walked up to the photograph that was placed on the side table of his apartment. It was taken when Ron, Hermione and him were in their first year. They were so happy and carefree. Why couldn't they have that again? He looked at the Hermione in the photograph, she was laughing and would occasionally sling her arms around both of them. A smile appeared across his face as he remembered the soft peals of laughter that was so much like ringing bells.
He sank down on his couch and placed his head in his hands. His feelings had been messed up ever since that kiss he shared… with Hermione. He didn't resent it as much as he did. In fact, secretly, in a deep dark place in the corner of his mind, he had enjoyed it. The emotions that had coursed through him were phenomenal and nothing like what he had with Ginny. He shook his head. No, he still loved Ginny. He always had. He hated himself for thinking otherwise, but that kiss was starting to waver his conviction. He remembered the look on Hermione's face when he had pulled away. It was hopeful at first, before it collapsed into a grimace. Her eyes were filled with pain and he could see that he had hurt her more deeply that anyone ever had.
He had always thought Hermione would end up with Ron, everyone did. It seemed to be something that was going to happen sooner or later. They had tried to date a few months after the war until Ron had, in a moment of extreme stupidity, dumped Hermione to go back to Lavender. Hermione, heartbroken, had turned to Harry for comfort again. After they graduated from Hogwarts, Harry had brought her away from London and they had toured the world together with her excitedly showing Harry some of her favorite travel destinations. The trip had left her feeling calmer, refreshed and ready to start her life anew.
Harry had enjoyed spending that time with her. Since she was his best friend, he was able to confide everything with her - all his emotions, his thoughts, his worries and his ideas. He knew she would never judge him. He loved and appreciated this closeness with her since such experiences were such a rarity in his life. Some part of his mind had always blocked out the idea of viewing her as a potential girlfriend since she had seemed to be much more than that – she seemed to be a part of him. Anything happened, he would run and tell her first. If disaster struck, she was the first to leap to his mind.
Then there was Ginny and him, they had picked up again after the war and it was like everything in his life had returned to normal. He occasionally had nightmares as was expected. He still dreamt of the lifeless bodies of Fred, Sirius, Remus and Tonks. Ginny had hugged him night after night, trying to comfort him to the best of her abilities, but he knew she didn't really understand what he was going through and all the horrors that he had seen. She was almost always able to direct the conversation to herself and her problems and he always went along. It was like she just expected him to get over it. Hence, he had mostly looked to Hermione for comfort. Hermione understood, she always did; she knew what he was about to say before he said it and knew what he wanted to do before he did it. She understood all his actions and provided some of the best advice, to be honest. She gave him what he needed, whether it was someone to talk to, or someone to listen. She always knew.
He jerked his head up as Ron strode into the room.
"Hey Harry, are you ready?" Ron said with a grin.
"Ginny is the girl of my dreams, of course I'm ready," he replied. Ron's grin, if possible, became broader.
But somehow, deep down, Harry wondered if he believed that anymore.
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I sneak in and see your friends,
And her snotty little family, all dressed in pastel,
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid,
Somewhere back inside a room,
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry,
This is surely not what you thought it would be,
I lose myself in a daydream,
Where I stand and say:
"Don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,
You need to hear me out,"
And they said, "Speak now,"
I'm standing in one of the rooms in the Burrow, helping Ginny into her dress. My hands trembled slightly and the gown shook, but I hid it quickly behind a cough. Ginny didn't suspect a thing as I finally zipped her up. I busied myself with arranging her train as hot tears filled my eyes. If only things with Harry had worked out, this would have been my wedding…I brushed the tears away with the back of my hand. I would not subject myself to self-pity now. I was a strong woman.
"All done," I put a lot of fake happiness into my tone as I indicated to Ginny. Her dress was in did beautiful, even if it was a bit too over-the-top with the ruffles and the long train, but if it made her happy, then who was I to argue? Every bride had her own dream wedding.
Ginny placed her hands on her hips and twisted left and right slightly while grinning at me through the mirror before her face fell. "Hermione, you don't think that I look fat do you?"
"Of course not Ginny, I think you look wonderful." I replied for perhaps the hundredth time. I knew she was feeling insecure and even though she had embarked on a rigorous dieting regime one month ago, the worries remained.
"Thanks Hermione, I know I can always count on you. You're my best friend you know? I know I may have been rather bitchy these past few days, but I'm just really nervous. I mean, today is the day I've been dreaming about my whole life!" Her voice rose towards the end. As she was talking, her hands mindlessly smoothed down the dress.
"Of course, every bride would be." I realized that my eyes were watering again and I quickly said: "Hey Ginny, I think my make up's running slightly, I'm going to go to the toilet to touch up."
"Okay Hermione," Ginny thrilled as she continued to admire herself in the mirror.
I quickly fled to the bathroom before locking the door behind me. With my back to the door, I slid to the ground. My dress rose up several inches but I didn't care. The tears had slipped loose of their constraints and were tracking a well-worn path down my cheeks. My heart throbbed painfully and I wrapped my arms around myself. How could I tell the girl who just called me her best friend that I'm in love with her soon-to-be husband?
You don't, of course, even though you'd wish the wedding was yours.
0000000000
Ginny sighed happily while smoothing down her dress. She was ecstatic. Today was the day that she'd become Mrs. Harry Potter. It was every girl's dream, but Harry had, beyond her wildest dreams, chosen her. She had fantasized about this since she was a little girl. She had envisioned herself marrying Harry before she even met him, and when she did, it only cemented her desires further. She admired her dress once more. It was gorgeous, sparkly and extravagant - everything she'd ever wanted. Living with such a big family meant that she didn't always have the best clothes or items and that's why she wanted to have this day for herself; a day where she can wear the best dress and feel beautiful beyond comparison. She wondered what Harry's face would be like when he saw her walking down the aisle towards him. She could almost she the delighted shock on his face and the love that they shared coming from his green eyes.
As she took into account of recent events however, a frown graced her features. Harry had seemed a bit out of sorts, ever since he had gone out to meet Hermione one day. When she questioned him about it, however, he had assured her that everything was fine. She had dismissed it as nerves due to the wedding, but she knew that that was far from the truth, and she was disappointed that Harry did not trust her enough to tell her how he felt. He had always gone to Hermione for this sort of things. She wondered what Hermione could have possibly said to him. Whatever had happened, both of them seemed jumpy and avoided being in the same room as the other for long periods of time, even until today. She tried to shake those thoughts out of her head. Today was going to be about Harry and her. It was going to be perfect, and nothing would go wrong.
0000000000
This was it. The moment had arrived. I gave Ginny a final hug before I stood in front of her, ready to enter the under the giant canopy erected in the Burrow's backward, much like Bill and Fleur's wedding. My stomach clenched uncomfortably while the emotional part of me was silently screaming. What in the world was I doing? Why did I even agree to this in the first place? Was I really able to stand there and watch the person I love marry someone else?
Behind me I could hear Mr. Weasley talking to Ginny, telling her she looked wonderful today. Before I could hear Ginny's reply however, the music started to play. I waited until the flower girl and the ring bearer entered the pavilion before I walked forward slowly. My palms were starting to sweat from the nerves and my dress swished around my ankles with every step I made, and somehow, that noise seemed louder than anything else under the pavilion. My heart leapt into my throat as my eyes made contact with those emerald ones that I loved so much. I couldn't read the expression in his eyes, was he happy, or did he regret this? No, silly, Harry would never regret this; after all, he did give her the ring didn't he? He loves her. I blinked back my tears before they could slide down my face and quickly made stood the side of the bride, all the while avoiding his face to prevent myself from doing anything that would cause me to hate myself for all eternity.
Fun gestures are exchanged,
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march,
And I am hiding in the curtains,
It seems I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be,
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen,
But I know you wish it was me,
You wish it was me, don't you?
Mr. Weasley appeared with Ginny on his arm at the entrance to the canopy. I heard Mrs. Weasley give a loud sniffle into her handkerchief. Ginny looked lovely, almost ethereal, as she floated down the aisle. There was a brilliant smile on her face. She was so beautiful and I knew Harry deserved someone like her. He deserved the best of everything, and that everything did not include one Hermione Granger. I felt whatever that was left of my heart crumble. Then I noticed that Ginny's smile had faltered slightly as she looked at Harry. I turned towards Harry again and realized that he'd been staring at me for sometime but nobody had noticed except Ginny because well, everyone's attention was preoccupied with her. I subtly pointed my finger at Ginny which he thankfully caught and returned his attention to her, he smiled at her and I noticed Ginny's grin coming back, but she had shot him a look that I noticed, a we'll-talk-later look. I swallowed nervously.
Don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,
You need to hear me out,
And they said, "Speak now,"
Don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,
Your time is running out,
And they said, "Speak now,"
0000000000
Harry breathed nice even breaths, which, in his opinion, was rather odd. Wasn't the groom supposed to be nervous and excited? He wasn't any of those. He wondered what he would experience if he were marrying Hermione instead. Would he be like he was now? Ron gave him a quick pat on the shoulder. Harry looked at his first friend and he wondered how to tell him that he possibly could have feelings for his ex-girlfriend and their best friend when he was about to marry his sister?
He wouldn't, of course.
The music started. He looked towards the entrance of the pavilion and waited with bated breath as the flower girl walked down the aisle first, scattering rose petals whilst the ring bearer trailed along behind her.
Then she appeared, Hermione Granger, his best friend. She walked down the aisle, breathtaking in a lovely strapless blue dress. Her brown silky hair plunged down in ringlets down her back and a hesitant smile was on her face as she looked around. She looked gorgeous and was glowing beautifully that Harry believed, for that moment, that this was their wedding. When her eyes landed on his, he wondered if she knew he was thinking about that, but she quickly glanced down and avoided his eyes the rest of the way. He couldn't take his eyes of her, so much so, that he missed the entrance of the girl that he was about to marry barely 5 minutes later until Hermione had frowned towards the entrance of the pavilion and looked at him before pointing towards Ginny. He caught himself and managed to flash a smile at Ginny as she was halfway down the aisle. She looked radiant in her wedding gown. But his thoughts weren't on her…
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After Ginny placed her hand in Harry's and her bouquet in mine, the Wizard Pastor began the ceremony. I focused on how much I wanted both of my friends to be happy. I let Harry go because I knew Ginny would make him happy, and he would make her happy. There was no doubt about it.
Suddenly I felt this nudging in my head, like someone wanted to gain entrance to my mind. I flinched and pulled up my defenses immediately. Whoever it was tried again, and that person must have been pretty powerful to blow apart my defenses like they were cardboard.
"Hermione," came the voice that I would recognize anywhere.
"Harry? What the…? Focus on the ceremony," I struggled to push him out of my mind, but it was as effective as a wind trying to move a rock.
"I can't Hermione, I can't," he said, despair colouring his tone.
"Why not?" I asked, although his answer had me wishing I hadn't.
"I can't marry Ginny," he replied.
I froze where I stood, a confused expression most likely planted on my face. I connected my eyes with Harry's for a mere second, but I could see that he meant what he said. Ginny was staring at the Wizarding Pastor so she missed our eye contact.
"What do you mean? Why are you saying this now?" I wasn't going to give up that easily.
"I realized that I made the wrong choice," his reply came.
This guy could sure talk in riddles when he felt like it. What did he mean by making the wrong choice? People make the wrong choice when they buy a motorcycle instead of a car, or a dog instead of a cat. That's a wrong choice. Thinking that you don't want to marry someone on your wedding day, that's a disastrous and potentially hazardous mistake. However, part of me started to wonder - he still wanted to get married, just not with Ginny. I squashed my hopes before they had a chance to rise with the cold hard hammer of reality. He's just delusional, and he's going to regret this later. It's probably just some last minute nerves and within a few minutes, his going to pledge his love for her, he was not going to back out now.
"Hey, I'm not delusional. I meant what I said," he protested.
"Harry, hear me out, you can't do this to Ginny." Now it was my turn to plead with him.
"I've been told my whole life what I can do and what I can't Hermione. I've given my existence to save the Wizarding World. Can't I for once, take control of how I want to live my life and whom I want to spend the rest of my life with? I'm not dumb, I know that Wizarding Marriages are bonded for life and no one ever gets a divorce, and that's why I'm doing this. Despite the fact that part of me loves Ginny, I can't spend the rest of life with her, because the love that I shared with her pales in comparison to the one that I could have with-"
"If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace," the voice jolted into our silent conversation.
My heart skips a beat. The silence is long and seems unending. I look into Harry's eyes and I see that he's about to do something…
"I object," the voice was soft but everyone heard it distinctly. It took several moments after I watched his lips move before gasps echoed all throughout the area. Blood rushed towards my face. I stared at him, but he avoided my gaze.
"Stupid idiot, why did you say that?" I berated.
I hear the preacher say,
"Speak now or forever hold your peace,"
There's a silence, there's my last chance,
I stand up with shaking hands,
All eyes on me,
Horrified looks from everyone in the room,
But I'm only lookin' at you,
"Mr. Potter – " the wizard began.
"I'm sorry Ginny, but I can't do this. Part of me will always love you, but I can't spend the rest of my life with you." Harry directed this to Ginny, who was currently speechless and was staring at Harry with her mouth wide open. She blinked.
"But, who?" her voice faltered.
Harry glanced towards me for a split second, but Ginny caught it. She turned around and faced me. I gulped as the trademark fiery Weasley temper appeared.
"Hermione!" she shrieked. "What did you do to my fiancé?"
Her face was beginning to turn a very ominous shade of red. I gasped and retreated a few steps. Ginny didn't stop and moved forward, her steps matching mine.
"How could you do this to me Hermione? I thought we were best friends. I trusted you. You knew I wanted this for so long and you were so selfish to take away the only thing I ever wanted. I never knew you were such a self-centered bitch!" she yelled with her arms frantically gesturing at me. By this time everyone around us was silent as they watched the drama unfold before their very eyes.
Now don't get me wrong, if it was really my fault I would take her berating without question, but I absolutely resent it when someone accuses me of something I didn't do. I was fully prepared to let Harry go. My blood began to boil and a snappy remark was at the tip of my tongue until a cool voice behind Ginny said:
"Stop it Ginny, it's my fault, not hers. I was the one who didn't want to marry you. It was my choice."
That was probably the worse thing Harry could have chosen to say. The tears I could see pooling in Ginny's eyes spilled over and ran down her face. She continued to glare at me with hatred. Shame washed over me, now I felt like the most horrible person on the face of this earth. I've ruined my best friend's wedding.
I am not the kind of girl,
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion,
But you are not the kind of boy,
Who should be marrying the wrong girl,
Ginny spun around to glare at Harry.
"But it's my wedding! MINE! And this idiotic mudblood comes along to ruin everything! You were supposed to be in love with me. I've known it ever since I was six!" she yelled. Following which, Ginny did something I have only seen nine year old girls do, she stomped her foot on the ground.
Harry's mouth had fallen open.
"I can't believe you just called Hermione that. After all that she has done for you?" he whispered.
"Why not? That's what she is, isn't she? A stupid, brainless, mud—" Harry raised his wand and silenced her in the middle of her rant.
"You bastard!" I heard someone yell and I peered around Ginny just in time to see Ron's fist colliding with Harry's face. Now that action caused everyone to unfreeze.
Chaos erupted within the pavilion. Dean and Seamus ran forward to pull Ron off Harry. Mrs. Weasley rushed forward to join Ginny and was trying to comfort her while shooting death glares at me. I sighed. This was the story of my life - I somehow managed to ruin my friend's wedding just by being there. I pushed past them and saw that the altar was empty save for the Wizarding Pastor, who seemed rather confused about it all. I ignored the confusion, since there was only one person that was at the forefront of my mind right now - Harry. I wondered if he was okay. The rest of the guests were shifting in their seats and feverish mumbles rose from the crowd. Several dirty looks were being thrown my way, including some rather unpleasant insults as well. I glanced at Ron and noticed he was still being held back by Dean and Seamus, the unmistakable anger evident in his shoulders. He looked at me and I recoiled slightly from all the hatred that was evident in them. He proceeded to said something that I was unable to hear, but I read his lips.
How could you?
Those three little words stung me. Out of a sudden, I felt like all the air had been sucked out of me. I realised that I had to make my escape. I quickly ran back down the aisle and out of the pavilion. I sped away from the Burrow and strode down to the lake just outside the Weasley property, where Harry, Ron and I had spent the summer of our seventh year. It actually wasn't at all surprising to find Harry there since he always said it was a place where he could think, and there he was, sitting hunched over on a rock with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped under his chin, staring blindly out at the lake.
So don't say yes, run away now,
I'll meet you when you're out,
Of the church at the back door,
Don't wait or say a single vow,
You need to hear me out,
And they said, "Speak now,"
With a sigh, I sat down beside him.
"Are you okay Harry?" I asked as I inspected his face for injuries.
I noticed his nose was rapidly turning purple. I withdrew my wand and quickly healed the broken nose. We both winced when the bone healed with a snap.
He muttered his thanks before he looked back out across the lake. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his healed nose. I knew he would talk when he was ready to and I silently waited with him. It wasn't long before he opened his eyes and focused those emerald orbs on me.
"I meant what I said back there Hermione," he said quietly. "I wasn't ready to spend the rest of my life with Ginny. Sure, a part of me loves her, but I realized that there was a flaw in that love and I just knew that it wasn't what I wanted. Her calling you a mudblood just cemented that fact. Ginny's in love with a fantasy, she's in love with the great Harry Potter and I wonder if she would have loved me if I was just Harry. She's always pictured as this person who's larger than life. I know that I would not have lived up to her expectations. I want someone who understands me, who loves me for who I am, and accepts it when I make mistakes, because I'm not perfect. I know it took me forever to realize this thing that I have with Ginny wasn't meant to be and that was the worse time to actually break up with her, but I had no choice."
I nodded, showing I understood. He sighed gustily and reached out to interlace his fingers with mine. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of my hand before he held it in his lap.
"You said something, back at the wedding, you said that the love you shared with Ginny pales in comparison to the one you could have with who?" I whispered, waiting with bated breath as I stared into his green eyes that seemed to sparkle with some unknown emotion.
He smiled the smile I loved beyond anything in this world and leaned forward, placing his forehead on mine. I felt his breath fanning out across my face. My heartbeat accelerated as he reached out a hand to cup my cheek.
"With you of course."
Then his lips were on mine and every single coherent thought I had flew out the window. This kiss was even better than the first; it was tender and loving. I poured out all the love I felt in it and I knew when he reciprocated. My hands held the back of his neck whilst he cupped my face in his. My heart felt like it could soar. I was hopelessly and helplessly in love with him. He was my beacon in the dark and my reason for living. I felt as if I could burst with happiness. We broke apart when the air supply grew non-existent, but delirious smiles were on our faces.
I looked back in the direction of the pavilion before looking at him.
"You do realize that you are in a lot of trouble don't you?" I muttered.
"I know, but right now, I don't want to think about that," he replied stonily.
He stood before helping me up.
"Let's go away Hermione," he said with a smile on his face.
"What? Where?" I opened my eyes wide.
"Someplace special where it's just the two of us," he whispered in my ear.
I frowned. I couldn't just run off like this. What about my job? What about the wedding we just left behind? How was he going to answer to them?
"Do you trust me Hermione?" he said, his eyes searching my face.
"Of course I do Harry."
"Then trust me now."
He pulled me close and tucked my head under his chin. I hesitated before hugged him tightly. I would follow him anywhere. It didn't take long before I felt the familiar squeezing sensation, and then we were gone.
And you say,
"Let's run away now,
I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the back door,
Baby, I didn't say my vows,
So glad you were around when they said, "Speak now,"
A/N: It's not exactly like how the song 'Speak Now' plays out, but I tried to follow it as close as possible.
What do you think? Do you love/hate it? Please review and tell me how you feel!
Please note that this is only a one-shot fic.
AmandaCJY
