XO
"So douse yourself in cheap perfume, it's
So so fitting, so fitting of the way you are.
You can't cover it up, can't cover it up.
Someone old, No one new,
Feeling borrowed, Always blue."
-Fall Out Boy
I'd like to think that I didn't hurt them. At the end of the day, it was their own fault, right? They knew full well that I wasn't ready for a relationship.
First, JT. Oh, JT. How he made my head hurt on a daily basis. I wonder how I stuck it out that long with JT anyway.
And then Spinner. Spinner was on crack to want to date me. In fact, yea, I do think I remember someone mentioning they saw Spinner snorting one time after gym. Spinner was all about the pleasure.
And Peter? Peter smelled like rotten cabbage. Peter's saving grace was Emma's crush on him, but after that evaporated, so did he. I don't think I've looked at Peter since the day he tried to explain himself. I haven't had much need to.
But number one. Number one never changed. I never hurt him, I don't think. It was always just the same bout of him hurting me, over and over again. Oh, but I'm not as smart as you've given me credit for. I went back. When he was with Ashley, there I was. And the second I heard Ellie was going to try to get to him, I cracked. He's not hers, he'll never be hers. Because he was always, always mine.
– –
"Don't do it Manny." Manny Santos hated Toby Isaacs. She wasn't sure when it had started, but at some point during her 17 year existence, she had gotten it in her head that Toby was Satan. He was always bringing her down in ways that she just wanted to stay on top.
"Why, Tobes? So you can sleep with me? I am not that easy," she sighed dramatically, for emphasis, and he rolled his eyes.
"Manny, I don't want to sleep with you. I just think it's a dumb to go through all that again for a guy who doesn't even care."
"Well, it's my idea, not yours, so you have nothing to do with it. I don't even know why you're talking about it."
"Silly me, I thought it was the thing to do to actually care about your friends."
"You are not my friend."
Emma Nelson knew her best friend would cause a scene over any petty thing, so it was good timing that she exited the bathroom at the exact second that Manny uttered the last few words of her insult. "Manny, let's get you to band practice, why don't we?" Emma said as she gripped Manny's upper arm. Hard.
The grade-11's had been standing in the foyer waiting for Emma, each for different reasons. "Emma, I need to talk to you about something," Toby said as the girls turned away from the mural wall and headed towards the double doors.
"We'll talk later, Toby," Emma said without turning.
Toby hurried to walk in stride. "It's pretty important."
She shrugged. "Alright, walk with us then. I'm walking to Craig's with Manny."
Manny made her discomfort known. She rolled her eyes and heaved out long sighs, but Emma ignored it and Toby had taken to looking at the ground and nothing else. "I just don't see how she could do that to Ashley."
"Like you're really one to talk?" Emma asked, half kidding but half not.
"Ashley wasn't my best friend."
Toby noticed the flippancy that Manny had of talking about his step-sister, but he didn't say anything. He wasn't about to make matters worse. "So what are you going to do?" Emma probed.
"Make him fall."
Emma quietly stifled a laugh, but Manny wasn't paying attention. Toby caught it, but didn't say anything, just decided to joke about it later with Emma when Manny wasn't around. Toby wanted to hurry the walk, to get Emma alone. Not because of any unspoken infatuation with her, he just could not stand Manny Santos. When did she become such a wench? He hated everything about her, down to those ugly pink sneakers. Who buys pink sneakers anyways? Won't she always be too afraid they'll get dirty?
"You've already tried it twice, Manny, two times and it didn't work out."
She put her hands up to silence Emma. "I was stupid about it back then. Do you think I'll be stupid about it now?"
Emma wanted to say yes, maybe as a joke, maybe not, but she just dropped it. "My dad said he's going to call the Jeremiah's when he gets home from school to make sure you're there."
"Okay, I'll let Joey know. Or something." They were in front of Craig's garage now, all three of them, looking obvious and awkward. They heard the sound of a car door slam shut and saw Marco leaning in the front window of Paige's car. He said his goodbyes and walked past them, giving Emma a quick hello, but ignoring the other two. Manny checked her cell phone for missed calls, although it had been on and within ear shot the entire walk, before leaning into Emma's frame and asking for a "good luck hug."
Emma obliged, and the two girls shared a few more nondescript points of gossip before Manny tossed her short hair over her shoulder and went for the door. After disappearing inside, Emma and Toby continued on their path towards the Nelson residence.
When Manny walked in, Craig was standing over Ellie's shoulder as she tapped lightly on the drums without looking at them. She was, however, looking up at Craig who's right hand was resting in his curly hair and his left on Ellie's arm. Manny smiled and sauntered over. Marco looked up, thought obviously about sidetracking her, and dismissed the thought with a shrug. Let him work out his own girl trouble. There was a reason Marco wasn't in to chicks.
She grabbed Craig's left arm, the same one that was currently attached to Ellie Nash at the moment, and positioned him slightly towards her. She could see a look of hurt flash over Ellie's face before she turned her head down and began to tap -no, bang- louder on the drums. Manny didn't waste her energy on Ellie Nash, however, because she wasn't trying to make Ellie Nash fall in love with her. "I was wondering," she said, letting her index finger move slowly up and back down the bulging vein in his wrist, "if you remembered my tambourine."
He glanced over at Marco before nodding. Was he asking for permission? He knew Ellie was into him, but that didn't mean they were dating. And he wasn't about to date Manny again. "Right, right, the tambourine queen. It's on top of my guitar case. Here, I'll get it for you." He turned sideways to slide in the allotted space between Manny and the drum set. He grabbed the tambourine and tossed it to her gently. She smiled and took a seat on the couch next to Marco.
Marco thought about talking to her, but he decided to just keep quiet. Keep everyone happy, keep people from getting hurt. Especially Ellie. He glanced at Ellie. Her head was down, an odd enough way to play the drums, but even when she took breaks from banging on the drums, her hands shook. She was pissed off. Marco got up and leaned slightly against the front of her drum set. "What's wrong?" he asked.
She looked up. He noticed something wrong with her eyes. She hadn't been crying, but there was a definite sadness. A complete sadness that she rarely showed, even with her mom, even with Sean, she kept the sadness out of her eyes. But not now.
"I don't," she glanced at her close proximity to Manny and lowered her voice, "I don't want to be here right now." Manny Santos had to ruin everything. If Manny didn't exist, Ellie was almost positive her life would be, if not easier, then definitely more fulfilling.
"El, she's a part of this."
"Why? Because she knows how to get into the singer's pants? She's a groupie, Marco, an elevated groupie."
The door to the garage opened, however, and Ellie looked up, ready to lash out at whatever it was that had interrupted her, well, lashing out. She calmed considerably when she saw Jimmy holding the door open with one hand and trying to maneuver his wheelchair in with the other. Craig jumped towards the door to hold it open for him. Jimmy smiled his gratitude and wheeled freely in to the poorly lit room.
"Hey, Jimmy, how was physical therapy?" Craig asked while pulling the guitar over his head and resting it next to Manny on the couch. She looked pissed, but he didn't notice.
"Eh," Jimmy answered curtly. "It's just PT man, it sucks, but it's what I've got to do." Jimmy glanced at Manny and rolled his eyes towards Marco's direction. Ellie laughed from behind Marco, and Jimmy winked at her. "Hey Manny," he said and turned his head towards the couch, "you should learn how to play the guitar, and then I can stop coming to these damn things."
She didn't know what to do, so she nervously laughed. Jimmy rolled towards the drum set, and Craig handed him the guitar. As the rehearsal progressed, everyone noticed the lack of need for Manny. She had exactly two parts in every song, and they were those which a musically inclined monkey could easily perform.
She tried her hardest not to look bored, but relief flooded her face when Craig announced, "That's it for tonight, guys. See ya Tuesday."
She hurried to Craig's side (before Ellie could, of course) and grabbed his arm in the same manner which she had earlier. "I wanted to talk to you about something," she whispered. As her hand which had been sitting on his arm drifted back to her side, she let it run across his lower abdomen. "Something important."
Ellie grinned pompously as she set the sticks on her seat and made her way to the door trailing Jimmy by a few feet. She felt something was about to happen, that Manny was about to make a total ass of herself, and that was enough to make Ellie smile until her lips turned blue.
Craig sat on the arm of the couch and waved haphazardly as Marco stumbled out of the garage. "It's just us," Manny said as she approached his crouched figure.
He looked around and nodded. "Yea."
She stood close enough to him that if she decided to sit, she would be straddling him. "I don't think we've fought all the rounds of this thing, Craig. I think we've both got some fight let in us."
He put his hand to his forehead and let out a small laugh. He knew this was coming, hell, the gay kid saw this one coming and he didn't even like chicks. "Well, Ms. Santos, I don't know quite what to say."
She put her lips on top of his, but didn't press, and just let them rest there. "I don't want you to say anything," she mumbled. "Just let it be."
He shrugged. He could do that. She sat on his lap and ran her fingers through his dirty, curly hair. "I don't think I can date you."
"I don't think I want to date you. You do have a condom this time, right?"
"Yea, in that drawer over there."
They didn't say anything. Even when she left. They said nothing else, and they both decided it was... well, for the best seems cliche but that's exactly what it was. For the bettering of their selves, they didn't talk.
She sat next to Toby in homeroom the next day on purpose. She folded her hands on her desk and smiled towards the front of the room, where exactly zero people had accumulated.
He chose to ignore her, because he was pretty sure he still hated her even when she was sweet, so she crossed her left leg over the right and let the dangling leg tap him lightly. He turned slightly towards her, enough so she knew he was listening but not enough for her to have his full attention. "You remember what you were warning me about?" she said in a voice louder than a whisper but not loud enough so that Chris Sharpe, who was finishing up last night's Trig homework a seat behind them, could hear.
"About Craig?"
"Yea. Well, you were wrong."
Toby got out his own Trig homework to avoid continuing the discussion with Manny.
"Toby, you silly, silly boy. He fell."
Toby looked up just in time to see Craig walking by the MI Lab window, hand-in-hand with Ellie Nash.
