So I thought I would try something new and I guess it's also a bit of a Maura POV case study. I really would like feedback on this one since it's not all PWP and fluffy like my other stories have been.
I'm planning for a two-shot here. If people even think this is worth continuing. As for people following my other stories - don't worry, those chapters are in the works. ^.^
Maura thought she knew was love was. She thought she'd experienced it at least three times and of the utmost degree with Ian. She didn't connect or identify easily with the vast majority of people she encountered, so when she felt that often scientifically indescribable 'spark' – romantic or platonic – she rejoiced.
The 'spark' that she'd felt when she met and interacted with Jane Rizzoli for the first time at the Division One Café was the biggest one she'd ever had. It terrified her and thrilled her simultaneously and was what ultimately led to her pursuit of more interaction with Jane. Maura had long since learned not to judge a book by its cover (an expression she fortunately learned in a colloquialism course in undergraduate and adopted immediately) and she felt extremely grateful for such a habit after meeting Jane that first time.
As the unusual friendship between Maura and Jane blossomed, the spark she'd felt with Jane eventually turned into a small fire. Over the past four years though, that small fire had become an incessant, raging, borderline destructive inferno. During the worst times, however, Maura felt slightly differently. It was as if that spark had instead lit the fuse of an explosive device that had an unknown length. There was no countdown clock with angry red digits, no indication of when it would explode, nor any prediction of how much damage the pending explosion could or would cause.
These worst times would only happen when she was alone at night, lying in her bed and longing for Jane to be by her side. They were also usually right after she'd just kicked yet another lover out of her home (and mind). Her clandestine string of lovers was a miserable attempt to quell the furious fire inside her mind, body, and soul.
The relief, however, was only ever temporary and, more often than not, ultimately unsatisfactory.
She wasn't sure what she had previously expected out of her romantic life in her late 30s, but it certainly wasn't anything like what she was currently experiencing.
When she was left alone with her thoughts, Maura's mind seemed to kick into Jane overdrive. She tried to analyze everything about Jane – her words, her actions, her very character – and all interactions with her. Some of the time Maura came to the conclusion that Jane felt the same way, but seemed to be, for, as of yet, unknown reasons, incapable of taking action. Other times, Maura convinced herself that this love – this incontrollable, destructive blaze – was actually unrequited.
It was the latter that drove her maddest; that dragged her down to some of the darkest depths inside her she had never known could exist, before she met Jane. It was an exploration and a journey within herself she had never imagined a human being could experience in real life. And while on some level she held a small amount of animosity toward Jane for causing these feelings to appear, she otherwise felt so enamored and alive in and because of Jane's presence that the positive outweighed the negative in the end.
That imbalance was the biggest reason why Maura simply did not walk away to save herself, or to save her heart.
Please let me know what you think! I know it's not all fun and games like you're used to from me. ha ha
