Disclaimer: I don't own the characters on "JAG" I'm just borrowing them for the story.

Title: If you leave - I will follow

Chapter one

JAG headquarters Falls Church, Virginia 1000 ZULU May 5th

Admiral Chegwidden was pacing back and forth inside his office. This was the second time this week that Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie was late for a morning briefing. Well, actually it was ten o'clock and there was still no sign of her. And she wasn't a little late either, not five or ten minutes but a whole half an hour late which was according to A.J. unacceptable.

Commander Harmon Rabb on the other hand was there, sitting in a comfortable chair. He could feel the tension increase when the clock turned from ten thirty to ten thirty-one.

"She was supposed to be here thirty-one minutes ago, Mr Rabb"

"Yes sir. Maybe she's stuck in traffic and isn't able to call." He tried. But he knew he couldn't get his friend out of this one. There was a knock on the door and Mac entered and came to attention in front of her commanding officer.

"Good morning Sir, Commander." She said and waited for her the Admiral to ask her to take a seat. A.J. looked at her with eyes cold as ice. She really looked terrible, circles under her eyes and looked like she had just gotten out of bed.

"Is something wrong, sir?" she asked, confused. Okay she was fifty seconds late but that had happened before. It wasn't like him to get this upset, at least not with her.

A.J. took a deep breath and folded his arms. He thought the Colonel had a terrible attitude today. She didn't even bother to apologize for being late and now she had the nerve to ask if something was wrong.

"Is something wrong?! What kind of question is that? You're more than half an hour late today, Colonel. Yesterday it was ten and the other day five. What have you got to say for yourself?" His eyes didn't leave her for a second, but she barely noticed how angry he looked. All she could think about was how tired she was. Her eyelids felt incredibly heavy and she felt she was about to yawn.

No, don't yawn.´ she thought. Her desperate attempts not to, turned into a grimace.

A.J. had never thought Mac was capable of this. He felt the anger boil up inside and turned to Harm.

"Commander, would you excuse us a minute?" he glanced at the half standing, half sleeping Mackenzie. "Or perhaps two." He added with irritation.

"Yes, sir." He got up and gave Mac a little push on his way out to wake her up. A.J. waited until the door had been closed behind the Commander and then took his place in front of her again.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!!" he screamed. "Judge Morris was in here today, telling me you had been very absent-minded in court yesterday. You're late for your meetings and last but not least, you're standing here before your commanding officer trying to make fun of the situation by making grimaces...."

"Sir...." she interrupted in an attempt to defend herself. "Don't interrupt me!! Your behaviour is the worst I've seen as JAG, Colonel" "Yes sir!!" she screamed, hoping it would calm the admiral who's face was now as red as a tomato. It had not been her intention to offend him or to be late. She had been so sure that the time set for the briefing was fifteen minutes past ten and had not been aware of how late she was when she entered the room.

She had been working on four cases at the same time for two weeks now and hadn't gotten much sleep at all. There were two reasons why she had taken on more than she could handle. One of them was that Harm had gotten the flue and been given orders to stay at home for at least five days to rest. Mac had then been forced to take care of his cases as well since everyone else were to busy.

The other reason was that she lately had been thinking a lot about her and Harm's "relationship". She had also had Mic on her mind and the only way to stop thinking of them was to bury herself in work. The night before she had stayed up until four o'clock, doing paper-wok, determined not to fall asleep. She had drunk ten cups of black coffee and was on her third sandwich when she finally leaned her head back and fell asleep, sitting on a chair in the kitchen.

Mac's thoughts were interrupted by AJ:s voice. "Are you even aware that I'm talking to you?!!" he bellowed, but lowered his voice a bit when he saw how exhausted she looked. "Colonel, are you sick?" he asked and saw how she got even paler than before. A.J. grabbed her and lowered her carefully to the floor just before she fainted. He felt how the guilt and fear took over.

What have I done?´ he thought. I should have seen she wasn't feeling well and allowed her to sit down.´

"Mac! Mac? Can you hear me?" he asked and gently shook her to wake her up. She mumbled something he couldn't understand and moved a little. If he didn't know any better he'd swear she had not fainted but fallen into some sort of deep sleep.

There was another knock on the door and Tiner entered. He looked around the room and spotted the Admiral sitting on the floor next to Mac's lifeless body. He ran over to see what happened. The Admiral got to his feet fast.

"Oh my god! Sir, what happened?" he asked. A.J. reached for the phone on the desk and was about to call for an ambulance when Mac opened her eyes and mumbled:

"Sir, I apologize for everything. I........" "Just take it easy and rest, Colonel and I'll call for an ambulance. Tiner!"

"Yes, Admiral."

"Get some water for Colonel Mackenzie." He started dialling the number.

"You don't have to call Admiral." She took a couple of deep breaths and tried to get up. "I'm fine now." She felt the dizziness return. "Sort off." She corrected herself.

He put the phone down again. "Okay, you seem to be feeling better so perhaps an ambulance won't be necessary. I'll ask Rabb to drive you to the hospital." Mac could see he was still concerned.

"I really don't need....." "That's an order." She sighed but obeyed. A.J. helped her up and then left to find Harm. Mac had hoped someone else but Harm could take her there. She didn't like it when he saw her sick or injured. They almost always ended up in a serious conversation with lots of emotions then. Only this time they weren't alone in a forest and neither one of them had a gunshot wound in the leg.

"Are you ready?" she jumped. She hadn't heard Harm come in. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He approached her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"That's ok, you didn't. I must have dozed off again." She yawned. "I didn't think Marines were afraid of anything." He teased and received a warning stare as an answer. "How are you feeling? The Admiral told me what happened." "Oh, I'm fine now. I don't need to go to the hospital."

"Oh no, don't even try it. You're going, that was a direct order you got." He tried to look mad and determined but she knew he was kidding. And she was right. Soon that special smile appeared that she loved so much." Can you walk or do you need me to carry you?"

"Very funny, Commander. You know you should think about resigning as a lawyer and start a career as a comedian instead."

A little while later they were on their way. Harm looked at Mac who was sitting beside him, wrapped in a blanket, sleeping. She was even more beautiful when she was sleeping, looked so peaceful. He turned left and parked the car outside the hospital. Then he gently touched her shoulder to wake her up.

"Hey, sleeping-beauty, wake up." He whispered softly in her ear. She blinked a few times. "What did you just call me?" she asked surprised. Harm gave her an embarrassed smile.

"Uhm.....nothing, nothing at all." He said. It had been meant as a joke but now he regretted it. Mac eyed him suspiciously. "Really" he assured her. "Shall we go inside?" Suddenly he saw something in her eyes that wasn't there very often. Fear. He didn't like to ask but felt it was needed.

"Mac...."he started. "Are you afraid of hospitals?" he managed to ask. He saw how she began to frown. Uh oh, here we go.´ he thought. But instead of dropping some smart comment she forced the anger back. She had never admitted it to anyone, not even Harm. He was right, she didn't like hospitals. The smell, the sounds and the feeling that she was surrounded by death always made her feel sick and depressed. But how could she explain that to Harmon Rabb , her best friend. Come on, Marine. Just say it´ she thought.

"Well, I can't deny it. Yes I am afraid of hospitals." She admitted and studied her nails.

"So that's why you didn't want to go here and be examined. How come you've never mentioned this before.?" He asked but when he saw how uncomfortable she looked he hurried to say "Of course you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Take as much time you need." He took her hand and squeezed it.

"Thanks Harm." She let out a breath and smiled at him. "But if you ever tell anyone about this.........your body will be found buried in my backyard." She said with humour in her voice and threw a punch at his head in slow motion. He ducked.

"You don't have a backyard, Mac" he teased "And I'm not suicidal. I won't tell anyone."

To be continued