So I told myself I wasn't going to do this kind of Calzona fic, but then I read a few and I thought, well…why not?! I can only guarantee two chapters a week, but if I find time between work and classes, you will get more. I like for my characters to have depth and I will try my hardest to give that to these characters (Even though Shonda really does it so much better.) Anyway, read this and review, because I can't keep posting crap! I need criticism to know how to improve!

Callie

I sat in the dark, with little more than the light of a table lamp as my guide, stretched out on the couch. The same couch my cheating, lying wife had been sleeping on since she agreed to come home. A glass of red wine in hand, I swirled the drink around a little as I took a break from writing what could quite possibly be the hardest letter I had ever penned. With Sofia sleeping and Arizona still at the hospital, I had retreated into myself.

I used to believe that there was no way anyone could ever be more dark and twisty than Cristina and Meredith. But now, Meredith was a regular ball of sunshine and rainbows since Bailey had been born and she finally got her dream of being both a surgeon and a mother of two. Cristina, though clearly on the outs with Meredith and secretly missing Owen, was even happier than she'd ever been before. It seems their posts weren't left vacant forever though. I soon took up where they left off. Dark and twisty didn't even begin to describe the rage and inner turmoil I felt over the last few weeks, hell even this whole year.

I never used to be this way. I was a self-proclaimed badass and I was hardcore in the OR, but for those I loved I would move mountains, mole hills, and monkey bars if I had to. This past year had changed me, changed all of us really, and I came out with no heart. I take that back. I'm sure I still had a heart, some figment of compassion left in the wake of the destruction of the plane crash and the storm. However, the tiny piece that was left would probably shrivel up and dry just as soon as I attempted to love again.

Instead, I had been left numb and unfeeling, paralyzed under the grief of my failing marriage, the death of my best friend, and my career nearly falling apart. Arizona asked me for a bone saw, and at this point, I was more than willing to hand it over. The only beacon of light I had left was the little girl with eyes so much like my own. Sofia is my solace, my refuge. Without Sofia, I would surely have lost my way by now. She is the only thing keeping me grounded and pushing forward. I have to be here for her and I promised myself she would not lose another parent, no matter how temporary the separation.

Shaking my head to clear it of errant thought, I continued writing my letter, taking sips and gulps of wine as I saw fit. I hadn't spoken since I left the hospital to anyone other than Sofia, and as my phone rang showing Addison's face and name, I ignored the possibility of a conversation with her. Closing my letter, I addressed the envelope before stuffing the letter in and leaving the living room to prepare for bed. Showered and changed, I encased myself in the warmth of my bed. Subconsciously, I searched out Arizona's embrace even though I knew I would not find it. Her scent had long since faded from the room and even though I committed the sweet smell to memory it simply couldn't do the live smell justice. Burrowing myself deeper under the covers, I slowly lured myself to sleep, thinking of the list of things I needed to do tomorrow.

Even when you're heartbroken, the world moves forward. Even when your marriage is headed for hell, life keeps going.

Arizona

To say I was sick and tired of sleeping on the couch would be the understatement of the century. But, as I made my last rounds for the evening and handed off post op care to the doctor's under my tutelage, I yearned for that couch. Any part of home would be good right about now. Today's fall out with Callie and Leah in the OR was much more than I had been prepared for. Not only that, Callie still refused to allow me to sleep near her, not that she wasn't justified. I was beyond exhausted, my prosthetic was pinching and after being up all day long my leg ached. My now more noticeable limp was attention causing and frustrating. I just wanted to be home.

Finishing rounds proved to be an astronomical task. Stopping in attending's lounge, I didn't even bother to change out of my scrubs. Grabbing my clothes, I stuffed them in my bag and headed to my car. The cool brisk winter air chilled me to the bone and I was never happier to be in the warmth and comfort of my car. For once, the elevator's in our apartment were working and I took it as a sign from some higher being that there was hope left in the world after all. Unlocking the door to our apartment, I was met with darkness, the only light coming from a table lamp Callie must have left on for me.

Going over to the couch, I removed my prosthetic before taking off my lab coat and grabbing my crutches. Hoisting myself up, I made my way to the kitchen to search for food. At direction of Callie's sticky note on the refrigerator, I pulled out the container of leftover spaghetti from tonight's dinner and made myself a small serving. I wasn't in the mood to eat much, with persistent pain in what was left of my leg but I knew I had to eat something.

There on the table, perched up against Callie's stethoscope and Sofia's Sippy cup was a letter. A crisp, cream colored envelope that I recognized from Callie's personal stationary was labeled in my wife's elegant almost aristocratic script. The penmanship was unmistakable after seeing it on several patient charts and little notes throughout the apartment. It spoke to a part of Callie's past that she had long since left behind, the girl with the trust fund and more money than Davey Crockett.

Arizona,

There is so much I wish I could say to you, but I won't. Not because I don't think you can handle it, I just don't know how. I asked you to come home with the intention of fixing what was broken in our marriage. But, I realize now that is our problem. We always go for the fix. We don't work to problems together or separately. We don't even address that there is a problem until it blows up in our faces in the worst ways. Instead, we come up with fixes that allow us to avoid the problem and solve it all at once and I refuse to do it anymore.

You said you want to make things work, well that's good. I would love to have a happy marriage. But in order for us to do that, the gloves have got to come off so I guess I'll be the first to put my cards on the table.

I hate you. I hate you so much I can't stand for you to touch me because every time I look at you now all I see is them and the countless times, please don't give me a number, that you allowed yourself to give them what you couldn't give me. Lauren and Leah, supposedly mean nothing to you, yet they get all of you and all I'm left with is the angry bitter shell of a woman who doesn't understand how it feels to know that even though my brain says I hate you, my heart is crying out for you.

You don't know how it feels to watch the woman you love die in front of you even though she's still there every second of the day to throw daggers through your heart and treat you like shit. But I took it. I stood there and I let you, because that was my punishment. I failed you and from that day on you never let me forget it. You don't know what it's like to have to live with that decision knowing the person you love more than anyone in this world would hate you for the rest of your life. But still, I did it. A world with you hating me was better to me than a world where you didn't exist.

It was selfish of me, but if had it to do over again, I would still choose your life over your leg. Arizona Robbins, you are the most beautiful, caring, perky, self-destructive, selfish woman I have ever met and I still love you. You were my great love story. We were made for each other. Now, you have thrown that all away just so you could lose control. It's just too bad that you lost it with the wrong people. You asked me for a chance to make this work, and here it is. You are the love of my life, the other mother of my child, my wife and I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore and I damn sure don't trust you. Until you can be the woman I fell in love with, you and I will never work. So you choose Dr. Robbins. Are you ready to do what it takes or will you bail and end it now? My heart can't take another break and I refuse to risk it. If you can't be my wife and allow me to take care of you and love you as my wife, not my patient then please go now before either of us ends us worse off than we already are. Don't worry about me or Sofia. Do what's best for you, that's what you're good at. Why stop now?

-Calliope

Placing the letter back on the table, I lay staring at the ceiling as tears fell from my eyes, leaving trails down my face. I had never intended to hurt Callie, the thought never even crossed my mind. Still I couldn't say that I didn't take pleasure in her suffering. I wanted her to hurt just like I did while I prayed to a God I didn't even know, hoping that I would wake up from the horrible dream of my new reality. Mine was a sick, perverse type of pleasure that comforted me in the fact that Callie would pay for what she did to me. In my mind, she deserved it and I was more than happy to give it to her.

Looking back, I can see that my own spite clouded my judgment and turned me into someone even I didn't recognize. I harbored so much hate towards myself that I projected on to Callie and she withstood the pain. I made her promise me to save my leg and although I knew it couldn't be saved I hoped that Callie would work a miracle for me. It was wrong of me to force her into a promise, but it was worse for her to break it. Even though I had been able to regain some semblance of my life back, it would never be the same.

Maybe the problem wasn't Callie, at least not mostly. The biggest and most constant problem was me. I was the problem this time and unfortunately, I couldn't perform a quick fix. No amount of bandaging and sutures could fix this. I was broken. I would have to be reset and stabilized all over again. Sitting upright on the couch, I grabbed my crutches and moved towards the shower. As the water began to cascade over me, I made a decision. It was time to let the healing begin.