"Sly...can I ask you a question that is more on a...personal level?" Ralph was uncharacteristically hesitant and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand, not making eye-contact.
"Ooh, boy..er..um..wouldn't Toby be the most appropriate choice--or perhaps your Mom?--Walter--Maybe Walter?" Sylvester was not at ease with dispensing advice to Ralph about personal issues. And Tweety, if her inferences were right, meant Ralph was about to make Sly extremely uneasy.
"Have you seen Toby lately? He's been mostly MIA since they announced the date of the wedding. And my MOM? WALTER? Really, Sly? After the whole 'your services are no longer required' speech? My mom doesn't even know I'm here. I took an Uber after I made sure she thought I walked into school."
Sensing it was inevitable, Sylvester proceeded to invite Ralph to continue with a curt undulating hand gesture. "Tweety warned me this might happen--but go ahead..."
"Tweety?!" Ralph was perplexed. "What does she know and how does she know it?"
Popping around the corner with a surprise Tweety Bird themed hat in tow, placing it on Ralph's head snugly, Tweety replied as though she had been there the whole time.
"What DON'T I know?"
"Very funny..." Ralph removed the hat and tried to regain control of his new haircut. "I TOLD you...don't mess with the hair..."
"Spit it out, Ralphie...who is she and what do you need to know to win her heart?"
Ralph was surprised, but glad Tweety was there as an icebreaker. "If you MUST know...speaking purely hypothetically of course..."
"Of course..." Sly chimed in, warming up.
"Say there WERE this hypothetical situation... where someone you admired and were quite fond of..."
"A girl!" Tweety translated excitedly.
"Yes...a girl..." Ralph began to blush. "She's in my class..her name is Sophie..."
Tweety let out a semi-silent squeal of delight.
Ralph, shaking his head, continued. "I tried to impress her by letting her know that the name Sophie comes from the Greek meaning 'wisdom' or 'wise' and since I am a genius and she is by definition so 'smart', it is only logical that she should pick me as her square dance partner for P.E. class--you know--clever pick up line, right?"
Sylvester and Tweety just looked at each other incredulously. It was the cold calculating logic of Walter mixed with the hopeful romantic side of Paige all rolled into one terribly awkward burgeoning tween. "Well...?" Tweety tried to put a positive spin on Ralph's situation.
"I think what Tweety means is...you are much too young to be concerning yourself with the complexities of romance..." Sly tried to end the uncomfortable talk.
Tweety did not. "I most certainly did NOT mean that...what I meant was romance is not an art steeped in logic...it is more like a series of fortunate events leading up to..."
"Magic." Ralph finished Tweety's thought while thinking about what Paige and Walter had discussed earlier.
"Exactly...magic. Don't try so hard to impress her. Just be your magical self, and if she really likes you, she will let you know."
"Oh yeah, then how is it that you and Sly are still in denial?" Ralph was moody and curt as he walked away dissatisfied with the advice.
"I wonder what he meant by that?" Sly was genuinely perplexed while Tweety just coyly reached up to nervously scratch the back of her pixie cut.
"For once, I really don't know what he's talking about." Tweety hated lying to Sylvester but she was just too terrified to tell him everything that was on her heart. Sly was a genius. He could never want to be with someone like her. Her deepest darkest thoughts were kept to herself for good reason. No one could know.
