Author's Note:
Dear Lord Arceus,
I apologise for the sins I am about to commit.

Extra note: I don't normally write for Pokémon, but I do plan on writing more stories for it in the future. I'm also very fond of crackfic, so if you want to see more, follow? ;)

Part 1 of 3.


Judgement Day
A fanfic by Pseudinymous

- Part 1 -


Perhaps it was the crackling sound that was most disturbing, or the popping sound that followed.

But of course, these sounds can be attributed to many different things. They may indicate everything from fire and sparks to full-scale industrial explosions - either as precursors, or as the terrible events themselves. Even a welder might make these sounds as he joins two pieces of metal together. Beautiful firework displays leave a crackle in the air like nothing else. So in and of themselves... the sounds weren't exactly the disturbing part.

The disturbing part was the fact that the Great Lord Arceus existed in a realm where sound wasn't supposed to exist.

Arceus's head turned slowly to the side, and then slowly to the other. It wasn't used to having anything spark its curiosity, as the relative time of the realm had flowed without incident for many kenes. But there was nothing here.

At least… not initially.


Arceus landed with a dull thump in the mud.

This was… Lake Valor, after a rainstorm? Why was the Great Lord here? What had just happened? Why in the name of all the living and dead —

"Oh, hey! Dad, look! It's just lying there!"

Arceus, after finding it could not use its almighty and godly powers to stumble itself back to its feet, turned an eye towards the voice. A child. Arceus wasn't sure if it was male or female — such distinctions were often lost on Great Ones — but it donned a bright blue cap, a faded yellow shirt, a pair of well-worn and much loved denim shorts, and a pair of runners. Beside it stood a tall man with a fishing rod and a box full of bait.

"… Huh. Looks pretty weak already. I wonder if it's been lying out of the water too long?" the man, almost certainly the child's father, asked. Arceus nearly had a coronary.

YOU DARE CALL ME WEAK, YOU INSOLENT FOOL?! Arceus screamed, mental voice booming through the surrounding forest. YOU WILL SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE COLLAPSING OF A THOUSAND SUNS, THE FIRES OF THE ETERNAL HELL, THE—

[ARCEUS has no PP left for this move!]

[ARCEUS used STRUGGLE!]

… Arceus collapsed.

The youngster peered over Arceus's quite unholy form. "Dad, I don't want this one. It looks like it's dying."

"Nonsense!" said the boy's father, giving his child a strong pat on the shoulder that consisted of two dull thumps. "Look at it, it's still full of, erm… life. Pining for the fjords and all that."

Arceus gave a pathetic moan, which sounded rather fishier than it felt it should have.

"Let's catch it. It'll be a good first Pokémon for you, boy."

The youngster eyed the fish in front of them with utmost scepticism. "You mean, it'll be easy to catch because you're just as weak as it is."

His father fell silent, with a frown that nearly ended on either side of his neck, and threw a Poké Ball.


"Really? A Magikarp? Oh my God."

The fisherman's wife was nearly beside herself with laughter. He tried in some way to look dignified about the afternoon's catch for his son, but it just wasn't working. How could it, when even his wife was starting to tear up from her own amusement?

"I mean… Charles, honey…" she began. "We can't even eat it! They're all bone! And if the nurse at the Pokémon Centre hadn't assured me that it was indeed still alive, I would have thought it was as dead as that bloody parrot!"

Charles the fisherman receded in embarrassment.

"Benny, you don't have to keep that thing if you don't want to," the boy's mother assured him. "I don't even think it's capable of evolving. Look at it!"

But Ben the Youngster looked at his pathetic Magikarp, which blinked at him WITH THE WRATH OF ALL THAT WAS CONSIDERED GOOD AND HOLY in an amiable — if slightly deadened — manner.

… No, his father might have been an idiot, but he did capture this Pokemon. It was weak and pathetic but he, as an up-and-coming Pokemon trainer, would make it grow into something better than this. He'd show his mother — all Magikarp can evolve into Gyarados, after all. And then he'd use this pathetic fish to beat the crap out of his dad's Feebass squad (which was always touted as rare and unique, but Ben had his doubts).

Now that it was his, and especially since it was his first Pokemon, this Magikarp deserved to be the strongest Magikarp it could be.

"I'm going to give it a nickname," said Ben, ignoring his mother's sympathy. His fisherman father raised a brow.

"Oh?"

"I want it to be strong," said Ben, with conviction. "I'm going to call it Karpados."

Arceus exploded with silent rage. But the fish just looked Ben amicably in the eye, as if absolutely nothing was amiss…

It only took three days for Youngster Ben to discover that, truly, Karpados the Magikarp was in the top percentage of all Magikarp.