Dean

So, you want to join me and my brother criss-crossing the country in an awesome car hunting the stuff of nightmares? Okay, first of all, you're friggin' weird. Second, if you're completely set on this, you're gonna need to follow these rules.

1) Driver picks the music, passengers shut their cakeholes. That pretty much means I pick the music. If you don't like it, the curb is over there. And there. And pretty much everywhere.

2) Unless Sam and I are dead in the backseat and you are driving us out of danger until we inevitably come back to life, DO NOT TOUCH THE IMPALA. Your ass will be curbed.

3) Never call me a speed demon. I'm not kidding. Call me any variation of Speedy McSpeederton that you like, but if you call me a demon I will leave your ass on the curb, got it?

4) Do not get panicky once we start getting in the thick of the hunting stuff. It gets scary, and things come at us, but if I'm trusting you with a weapon of any kind around my gorgeous body, you'd better have your head on straight.

5) Try not to laugh at Garth. He's goofy, but he's a lot better than he seems.

6) If you so much as look at Sammy in a way that I don't like, your ass will be curbed. Trust me when I say this is as much for your protection as his.

7) That being said, if Sammy is going to do something self-sacrificing or stupid, and he won't listen to me or I'm not around to pull him out of it, it's gonna come down to you. This is really the most important rule: Watch out for Sammy.

8) That includes not letting me be a dick to Sammy. Take me out with a .45 if you have to, but don't let me hurt my brother.

9) Don't let me hurt Cas either.

10) Don't let me hurt you. Don't doubt that I will. If I do, know that I'm sorry, even if I don't come out and say it.

11) You know what? You're better off as far away from us as possible. Your ass is getting curbed.