If Only You Know is a fictional one shot about a friend that recalls her friendship with someone. Sort of based on events in my life, but not really.
If only you know about how much I miss the moments, the cherished laughter, the jubilant times, the times you and I shared. I put on a false face in front of everyone, but inside, I'm just a broken up person. You broke my trust, you know. It all started with a hi, and ended with hatred. If only you can still remember how it all begun.
It was during band when I first saw you talking to my friends, and somehow I knew: I had to be friends with you. I remembered the time when I changed schools, no friends, lonely and depressed, until, during lunch, a group of friends came, and I became one of them. I just knew from your eyes you wanted that to happen. I walked towards you and the others, and introduced myself, finding out you were shy and awkward with your English, a new immigrant. The people all around introduced you, and I with my Chinese, talked to you. We became friends from then on, and later a group.
A six pack of buddies, later on more, we shared memories, secrets, and friends. Nothing seemed to be wrong, we watched movies, hung out, and called each other. But I guess, all good things must come to an end. The beginning of our friendship was the first week of school in seventh grade, it all collapsed in the beginning of ninth. You see, I remembered.
The first day of eighth grade, the year of ruling, the year of memories started out bright and cheerful. We made promises, each and everyone of us. I still remember all our promises, fresh on my mind, perhaps forever. One promised friends forever, the other completed the sentence of BFF. We all now know how that turned out. I miss those times; truly I do, for we were still friends, not enemies like we are now, or so I say. I think of you not as an enemy but as a lost cause, someone that drifted apart. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say.
As the days passed on, we, each and every one of us, got closer and closer. We were now best buddies, a group of flowers, ready to bloom. How clear the memory is of the Halloween Party we shared, the laughter fresh in my mind. All ten of us had smiles on, completely unaware of what will take us by surprise. Somehow, by the end of the year, you changed nothing of what you used to be. How could I have known until it was too late? The Knott's trip, the Disneyland trip, and countless others blocked the real you out. My parents knew how you are, I refused to believe them, and then it all came crashing down. I missed the clues: the snickering, the teasing of others, the cussing, and the breakage of friends. They were there, but I was too blind to see.
Everything begun to crash on the night of May 19, premier of POTC 3, our band trip, the Disneyland Magic Day, my day of happiness, it all came to a close, for it was on that day, I begun to piece together the real you. We were a group of four, sharing a suite, talking secrets, when suddenly we changed subjects. She said something wrong, and you got angry. She knew no Chinese, so you talked to me, cussing at her for "her lies". Oh, how the teasing became clearer and clearer, throughout the night. You talked crap about friends here and there, and I just sat there, taking it in. Why didn't I tell you to stop? To tell you to stop being a bitch? I finally did, but that was the end of our friendship. I remember clearly when Barbara and I went to ride rides, I was scared, deathly scared, paranoid of log rides, so she went with our friends, and I sat there, until I went to Space Mountain with others. You called me then, worried about me, and cussing at Barbara for leaving. If I had a remote control, I would replay this over and over, and laugh at it. Sure, you showed worry, but that didn't stop you from becoming what you are now: a monster.
It was clear how you went from guys to guys. It was pathetic how you flung yourself at guys, a true gold digger. You turned into a slut, nothing more. I thought it was because you actually liked the guys, until I was enlightened. The boyfriends? They stayed around for two weeks, top. The ones I knew? They gave you presents, and when you met someone richer, hotter, you flung them away, like trash. If only you remember the crush that Selena had, the one you French kissed right in front of her. Like she didn't matter, and when you found out she was ok, you threw him away, just like the others. She gave him up for you, and you treat her like dirt. How could you, you monster?
I kept quiet, and hung out with different people, until reality sank in for the others. You broke up our group, nothing more. Your best friend, what happened to her? Mitch and you had a fight, and it all ended, she became my best friend. Why did it happen? You lied to her, invited others, and left her behind, just to go to the movies with guys. She was left angry and confused. Asking, "Why would she do this to her best friend?" Mitch made a mistake then, breaking up your friendship, she forgot your invite, and you turned on her. I was angry, but still kept quiet, and let her join us.
Graduation came around, and we were paired together. You acted like nothing happened, nothing came between us. I stood quiet, silently confused. Jess found you as a friend, and somehow everything went to how it was. I was still quiet. Why didn't I speak?
It was during the summer, you had somehow convinced me to join marching band. I missed camp, and you got angry. You made friends; I was a loner when I got back. Treating me the same in front of your new friends, I saw the evil look in your eyes. I tried to back away, but Ash stood in the way. We went to Denny's, but you chose that time to lie to me, to leave me to die. I stood waiting for 4 hours at the quiet, freezing school, until you and the others came back, you with the laughing gleam in your eye, they with their worried eyes. I still kept quiet; nothing could have broken my silence now.
Something broke my silence, I will tell you that. We had a fight, and finally I managed to say all that I wanted to say, all I needed to say. You are a bitch, nothing more. Somehow, you knew not at all what you have done; after all you are in your own little fairy tale. I tried hard to prove my point but you were stubborn. Ah, now I remember. You called me and said the following: it's going to be high school soon, so I need new friends. You guys aren't good enough, pretty enough for me. I responded, angry for such words spoken, and yelled out at you. You were mad, and hung up on me. I had broken the silence, finally, and spoken my mind.
You may spread vicious rumors now, and because of that people are mad at me, calling me a bad friend, but I know the truth, and the real friends around me knows it to. There's absolutely no way you can change that. I'll give you the warning now: like me, someday, they'll learn about the real you, and that'll be bad. I've forgiven you, even with your dirty deeds, for the times we shared, wonderful and true.
