Left
Right
Left
Right
"Lovi, are you okay?" Feliciano's voice rang out in the crisp morning air, like a wind-chime tinkling in an autumn breeze.
Except more annoying.
"I'mfine, bastardo," I grumbled in answer, scowl deepening.
"Ve~, okay then fratello." The younger replied, unperturbed by my attitude and harsh words. Yeah...After years of living with me, Feli was used to it.
Silence had blanketed us again, and I dimly noticed that my thoughts had fallen back into their march-like routine, directing my footsteps like some kind of chant.
Left
Right
Left
Ri-
"Ve, fratello?" Came my airheaded fratellino's light voice again, innocently inquiring.
I sighed, a bit overdram- with reason dammit!- and turned my head to face the source of my younger twin brother's voice. "Yes, Feli?" I replied, fighting to stay calm. I just wished I could go back to sleep... I had been fucking loathing today for a long time. I mean, is it really so fucking important to go to damn sch-
"Are you going to make any new friends this year, ve~?"
Ugh. Straight to the point in the worse of times, eh Feli? The question felt like a blow to my - non girly and slender, manly, dammit! - gut. School. Hell with a fucking name. And today, lo and behold, was the first day back! Woop-de-fucking-doo. With all the shitty school work and the bitchy teachers and ugh-it-pissed-me-off-so-FUCKING-MUCH! Every year I had to witness my airheaded twin make a fuckton of friends, while I was avoided LIKETHEFUCKINGPLAGUE. You may be thinking, 'But why are you hated Lovino? You're so lovable~!'... Wait no. If you're thinking that, you need some serious fucking help. Back on track, I'm avoided and friendless because I am a seriously messed up little fucker.
And no, I am not exaggerating, so you can go fuck yourself.
Why in hell am I so fucking messed in the brain? Well it all started when fate decided to fuck with me by killing off my father with some kind of cancer. I don't fucking know what kind, I was only like 4 or something. So anyway over the years, my batshit insane mother freaking lost it and tried to kill herself. Shoved a fucking gun up her mouth. But no, Fate couldn't just take her and be done with it! No instead Fate decided to put the cherry on top of this fuckwad of a mess and thought 'Huh? You know what would make this even better? If this batshit crazy lady suddenly noticed her son hiding and thought to take him with her! Yeah, that sounds fucking amazing!'
My mother shot me in the fucking eyes. My. Own. Mother. Tried. To. Kill. Me. She must have thought it worked with all the fucking sounds I was making and shoved the barrel of the handgun and pulled the trigger. At least I didn't see her brain splatter the ceiling, thanks to her aim. I sure as hell fucking heard it though.
So, because of that incident, not only do I have to live with my weird-ass grandpa, Romulus, now, but I'm also seriously fucked up in the head.
Most people catch on to my 'approach-me-and-I'll-fuck-you-up' scowl and stay far away, and even if they do attempt to converse with me, they usually back the fuck off in a few days - or minutes - because I'm too-fucking-much to handle. It's not like I blame the bastards - I hate myself too. The only reason I'm still alive is because of my brother. I have this weird ass thing going on in my head that I have to protect him at all costs - can't let and perverted fuckers contaminate my fratellino, after all. The question on your mind is probably 'Have you even tried to kill yourself?'
My answer is fuck yes I have. Cutting, pills, jumping, guns... you name it, I've tried it. I always stop at the last moment, though. I can't bring myself to do it. I'm a fucking coward. Don't get me wrong, I still cut... Scars lace my skin like stars in the sky. That was a perfectly manly simile, not sappy-girly-shit, so you just fucking shut it.
I kept on scowling, albeit a bit more venomous now, until annoying incarnate spoke up again, interrupting my twisted musings.
"Ve~, Lovi? Did you space out again?"
I flinched - shut the fuck up, you would too with the thoughts I was having! "E-eh? Ah. Friends, right... Yeah, Feli. I'm sure I will," I lied.
I heard my fratello's steps lighten slightly, which told me that he believed me and is assured by my blatant lie.
Distracted by my musings, I apparently failed to notice the niche in the sidewalk, and gravity decided to screw me over. I would have fallen on my face and probably gotten blood all over the asphalt that someone probably worked oh-so-hard to keep clean if not for my savior coming in the form of a wall of something warm and firm. And by warm, I mean fucking warm. Like left-out-in-the-sun-to-roast-until-it-was-a-puddle-of-goo warm. Jesus-fucking-Christ!What the fucking hell is that?!
Whatever the fuck it was, I was seriously gratefu- I mean, pissed-as-hell! Couldn't it see my face and the sidewalk had something going on? Way to be a fucking cockblock, wall-of-warm-as-hell-whatever-the-hell-it-is. A heavily accented voice interrupted my internal ranting, "Hey there amigo, you okay there?"
I growled and pushed him- the voice was obviously male- away, brushing of my pants and righting myself with an I'm-pissed-at-you-and-what-the-fuck-are-you-gonna-do-about-it scowl. "Of course I'm fucking okay, bastardo."
"Okay, okay! Ahaa~ you're funny amigo! And you're cheeks are all red and puffed out! Oh wow! You look just like a tomato! So cute!"
The cooing - yeah. Fucking cooing. Messed up motherfucker, he was... - of the apparent Spaniard just caused my face to redden even further. "Vaffanculo!" I yelled, trembling with embarra - anger! - getting ready to run off and flip him the bird.
"Ahaha~! Lo siento, you just looked so cute~! Anyway, mi pico de tomate, you must have been either really really oblivious or blind to have not seen that niche," he joked.
That shut me up. Pressing my lips into a firm line while deepening my scowl, I swiftly walked around the teen. I left Feliciano to catch up on his own, not stopping or slowing down until I had gotten to school.
My cheeks had reddened. I fucking hated it when they did that. I continued on my way, not needing any guidance, I knew the path so well, and proceeded to space out the entire school day. Or, you know, I would have if I hadn't been interrupted.
"Lovino Vargas! Eyes up here!"
My signature scowl settled itself on my face as I turned my head in the direction of the voice of my teacher.
"Lovino, look me in the eyes!" She hollered, loosing patience.
I gritted my teeth and forced myself to calm down before I fuckingshowedherwhatfor. She's just an idiot teacher, Lovino. It's not her fault she deserves a fork up her ass. Successfully simmering down, I answered, "I can't."
God-fucking-damnit I could feel her disapproving glare. "And why not? Tell us, Mr. Vargas, why can't you look me in the eye?"
She thinks I'm guilty of something. I bared my teeth for a few seconds before once again calmly taking a deep breath.
"Because I'm blind."
