Disclaimer: Dick Wolf & NBC own Law & Order SVU. I only own this story idea and any characters that I create.
Warning: I am not so great at the sentimental holiday themed one shots but here goes...
All I Want
Olivia leaned against the window her face pressed to the cool surface of the glass. She watched the snow flakes littering the sidewalk below turning the city streets into a white winter land. She sighed as she shifted her hip from the window frame and continued down the hall into the bull pen.
The bull pen was strewn with decorations. A sad little tinsel covered tree stood in the corner. Rollins and Fin had worked hard to spruce it up for her party last night. Olivia smiled at the large lopsided star that Nick had placed on top of the diminutive tree. Olivia walked over to her now empty desk. Empty except the last card board box that sat a top it. She sat down in her seat biting her bottom lip studying the bull pen for the last time as an SVU detective.
"Liv," Rollin's southern drawl startled her from her wistful state. "You coming out with us for a quick drink?"
Olivia smiled at her as she shook her head. "I think that I am going to head on home tonight,"
"You sure?" Amanda asked again.
"Sure," Olivia said as she stood up. "I think last night was quite enough for me,"
Amanda smiled. "The guys should be back soon from canvasing. Are you gonna stick around, say goodbye?"
"No," Olivia said softly. "Last night was goodbye. I can't do that again,"
"Understood," Amanda said.
Olivia nodded. She knew that Rollins probably did understand. Last night had been fun but tough. She was leaving a twelve year plus career behind and starting out in a new supervisory role. That didn't scare her half as much as leaving her family behind. Olivia's job had long ago become her life. She lived and breathed it. She questioned it but there had always been her family here at SVU which made her feel the sacrifice was worth it. Munch, Fin, Alex, and Cragen. And Elliot. Elliot, it still stung to say his name even inside her own head. She had closed off after he left the unit. She had tried with Nick and Amanda but something in her permanently shut down when Elliot left without a word. She tried to hate him to be angry with him but every time she tried she just couldn't. Twelve years of partnership and he left without a goodbye. Twelve years of friendship and he left. The hurt was too great for even anger to surpass it. She shut down.
Olivia sighed again picking up her last box and making her way over to the elevators. She rode down them thinking how this was her last ride down them as a SVU detective. She closed her eyes as memories washed over her. Memories of the guys, memories of the station, and mostly memories of Elliot.
Olivia took a cab home. As she sat in the backseat, she let her mind wander to the many rides home that she and Elliot had together. How he would make her blink her lights before he left. The cab stopped and she raced into her building shaking off the white snow flakes that landed in her hair. Olivia took the elevator instead of the stairs opting for the faster route. She planned on crawling under her covers with her favorite Chinese food after a nice hot bath for the remainder of Christmas. For once she was not working, no call, and no plans. That was all she wanted for Christmas, well all she could have. The thing she wanted she could not have. No, she left that in the past or rather that had left her in the past.
Olivia balanced the box on one hip as she struggled with the door keys. She managed to get her apartment door open and quickly dropped the box on her entrance way table. She walked straight into the kitchen grabbing the Chinese menu off the refrigerator and picking up the phone to place her order. She proceeded to head toward her bedroom dropping her clothes in a heap on the floor before heading into the bathroom.
A half an hour later, she was dressed in Elliot's over sized NYPD tee shirt. She hadn't worn it in months but tonight she was feeling sentimental, indulgent. She padded to the door when she heard the knock stopping only to grab some cash from her wallet. Olivia swung the door open, smiling. "Thirty-five, right?"
"Actually, I would like to say early thirties but I'll take that," Elliot stood a crooked smile on his face holding her Chinese food.
Olivia was stunned. She could not form words as she stared at him flabbergasted. She drunk in his appearance, the scruffy beard, the wary look in his eyes unsure of her reaction despite the outward smile. Olivia opened her mouth to say something, her throat inexplicably dry. She closed her mouth and shook her head before launching herself at him.
Elliot dropped the bag wrapping his arm just as tightly around her. He buried his face in her hair inhaling the familiar sweet beach like fragrance.
Olivia clung to him. She felt the deluge of tears building up behind her tightly closed eyelids. "I missed you," she breathed.
Elliot's grip on her tightened at her admission. "I missed you, Liv,"
Olivia forced herself to pull back so that she could face him, look at him. "How have you been?" she asked softy.
Elliot smiled at her as he reached up and brushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear. He let his thumb graze her cheek.
Olivia shivered at roughened texture of his thumb, the touch was so incredibly light but her skin burned in its wake. She looked at him wide eyed awaiting his response.
"Not so good but getting better every day," Elliot said his voice filled with emotion.
Olivia nodded. "Come in," she stepped back slightly breaking their embrace.
Elliot followed her into the apartment, his eyes now sliding down the length of her taking in her appearance. She was wearing his shirt and she did far more for it than he ever did. The material was slightly worn in all the right places and Elliot didn't take long to register that the shirt was all she was wearing.
Olivia felt his perusal which was nothing new except that it felt completely different than before. His eyes didn't flicker or turn away instead they lingered. Olivia swallowed hard. "I should change," she whispered unsure of why she suddenly felt entirely too hot, exposed. This was Elliot, her partner and best friend. Hell, he had seen her in her bra during one undercover stint. Why did this moment feel so different, so raw?
"Don't," Elliot whispered his eyes locking with hers.
Olivia flushed. "El," she started.
"Liv," Elliot shoved the Chinese food he picked up on to the entrance way table. He reached for her hand. His fingers slid into hers warmly, naturally.
Olivia looked down at their linked hands.
Elliot pulled her down the hall into the living room. He walked over to her sofa sitting down and pulling her beside him. His eyes flickered down hungrily taking in the wide expanse of leg that this position afforded him visually. He forced himself to look up. "I know I fucked up,"
Olivia shook her head. "We both did that day, El. Jenna wasn't your fault," Olivia said earnestly.
Elliot smiled. "I wasn't talking about Jenna, Liv," he whispered his fingers began to slide along hers exploring her fingers.
Olivia suddenly had difficulty finding the words, finding any words. "I don't understand?"
She said. Confusion and fear evident in her voice.
"I was talking about you," Elliot said as he continued to play with her fingers. "I should have never have left like that. There was a lot I should not have done. I don't even know where to start,"
Olivia bit down hard on her lower lip. "Elliot, what are you saying?"
Elliot sighed leaning forward until their foreheads met together. "I am sorry I left you behind, Liv. I didn't intend to. I didn't want to. I just thought it would make things better. I could do what my family always wanted me to do. Be at home, be a Dad, and be a husband,"
Olivia was unable to break eye contact. "You were all those things,"
"I guess I felt like I wasn't. Unfortunately, being at home didn't make the problems go away. The kids, they have their lives and turns out they missed me growing up but it wasn't as much as I envisioned. They were okay with things except they wished I had been happier," Elliot said.
"You weren't happy?" Olivia asked trying to keep the surprise out of her voice. She was shocked she had always assumed that despite the problems in Kathy and Elliot's marriage that he was happy. It stunned her to hear his admission that he wasn't.
Elliot sat back slightly. "No, I wasn't but I don't think I realized it. Kathy and I tried so hard that I didn't even think it shouldn't be hard. Then I thought maybe it was the job keeping us apart, you know? But after Jenna, I was at home everyday and it got worse," Elliot said.
Olivia wasn't sure what to say. "I am sorry, El," she said sincerely.
"I know," Elliot said looking at her with a soft smile on his face. "I know you are. You tried numerous times to help us. You were always there for me even when I was being an ass. I realized something else, too,"
Olivia tensed in anticipation. 'What?" she asked cautiously.
"That I have been in love with you a very long time," Elliot looked right into her eyes as he said the words.
She forgot to breathe. She literally forgot how to. Her heart started to thump wildly in her chest. He didn't say what she thought he said. No, that wasn't possible. How many people over the years had joked, teased, or insinuated a relationship between her and Elliot. Had they been right all along? All this time had she been haboring feeling for Elliot?
"Are you going to say anything?" Elliot whispered.
"I-I don't know what to say," Olivia managed to stutter out. "El, I don't think-" Olivia's words were cut short abruptly by the soft firm pressure of Elliot's mouth on hers.
Elliot pressed his lips gently but firmly against hers. He pulled back slightly looking at her closed eyes, flushed cheeks, and slightly parted lips. "Liv?" he questioned.
"Oh God," Olivia whispered her eyes still closed.
"Oh God, bad?" Elliot asked nervously.
"Oh God, I want more," Olivia reached for him sliding her hand around the back of his head and pulling his mouth to hers.
A/N: Okay so I could end it there or put up a chapter two. What do you think? Or was it too fluffy?
