Not What She Expected

A/N: This fic was fully formed in my brain when I woke up this morning.

I don't usually put 'the talk' talks in my fics, and I wanted to write one different from a lot of the ones I've read. Also, I was on a chat board recently, and I saw something intriguing about a minor character in later seasons about whom I'd previously thought little. The alternate title to this is: Why You Don't Have 'The Talk' in Bed Five Seconds Before Having Sex

~.~.~.~.~

She saw him unwrapping a cover. "It's OK, I'm on the pill."

"We have to use a condom."

"Why?"

He looked at her like she was a small, not particularly intelligent child. "I had unprotected sex recently."

She couldn't help it. She blurted. "What?" He looked down and away. She narrowed her eyes. "Do I know her?"

He rolled his eyes and gave her a look that said, Do you really want me to answer that?

She stared him down.

He sighed. "The ballistics gal from CSU."

She sat up in bed. "What? How could you do that?"

He started pacing. "Do what? Have sex?"

It was her turn to look at him like a not-particularly-clever child. "Not play safe."

He sighed and sat at the foot of the bed. "Alex. It was just a few times."

She gave him an incredulous look and slid out from between the covers. "This is a new side of you, Bobby."

He responded snidely, "A side of me that likes sex?"

"A side of you that has unprotected sex. Why?"

Bobby looked around like he didn't know what to do with himself. "Because it feels good."

"You don't do something just because it feels good."

"I do that just because it feels good."

Again, she couldn't help it. "Well then what are you doing here? Why aren't you with her?"

He shook his head. "Can't we just drop this? I know you don't want that image in your head, and I don't particularly either. Even if we don't… I mean, if the mood is… we could still just lie in bed together. Right?"

He touched her hesitantly and did the lean, and she felt herself softening. But he was still being evasive. She inhaled sharply.

"Did she break up with you?" He didn't deny it. "Is that why you're here, Bobby? Because she broke up with you? I can't believe this!"

He shrugged. "Whats the problem?"

~.~.~.~.~

A/N 2: Don't worry, I'm not losing my shippiness. I just felt compelled to write a gentle homage/slight satire of so many fics where the lines, "Do we need protection? It's OK, I'm on the pill." take place in bed. I suspect that a similar convo between our beloved caped crusaders would end – perhaps not as badly as this, but perhaps as awkwardly. Also, I am absolutely sure the line about the unintelligent child is not original, but rather picked up somewhere, but I can't for the life of me remember where.

WORDS: 539 UPLOADED Friday, August 13, 2010