Author's Note
Gosh.. here it is after Not a Fairytale... i promised another fic
LOL
i ended up writing tragedy again btws this is A MULTICHAPTER :D (YAY! with monthly updates cuz im a lazy ass)
also this is another rated M cuz smut is fun O_O
I will put up an actual warning
THIS IS YAOI... it has mentions of twisted rape... really twisted stuff. I don't think I will be writing graphic rape this time though. Please do not read if you are not mentally prepared
Pairing is AkaKuro (AkashiXKuroko)
I am in the process of writing a crack fic with AoKuro so watch out for that ^_^
Let's Pretend
To heal a broken heart, new love must flourish
To heal a broken relationship, reconciliation must be reached.
To heal a shatter soul, it requires much more.
Tiny pearl like droplets fell from the boy's heterochromatic eyes. He sobbed quietly as a fist repeatedly landed upon his rather small body. He had learned that begging, crying and pleading only fueled that intoxicated man's actions and pleasures. And so he remained still, as still as possible as his lung sucked in one painful breath after another. He did not try to struggle, that hasn't yielded him positive outcomes in past… and he learned through trial and error, how to escape with the least amount of damage taken. Because he knew that tomorrow he would have to pretend that nothing happened. He would have to put up a feign façade for the rest of the world to see and admire.
The boy counted his blessings as his so called father left the room. He sighed in relief. Grimacing slightly, the red-head managed to pull his sore and defeated body off of the ground and onto his bed. Every move hurt like hell. Every inch of his body burned with pain and hatred. He hated that man. He hated his life. He hated everything that was him.
And yet he was happy, glad that the worst of outcomes did not happen tonight. The boy pulled his bruised knees towards his body and he rested his chin atop them. He was rather small for his age, especially for someone that played basketball. "Che." He said out loud as he silently wished for a different build. A build that would allow him to overpower his 'father'. Silently, he envied the builds of his four fellow teammates… how he wished. The boy simply shook his head slightly as he became lost in his dreams, hopes and desires.
Be glad.
He told himself.
It could've been far worse.
His body shivered automatically at the thought as his mismatched orbs casted downwards. He smiled bitterly as his lips quivered just in the thought.
His 'father' had been extremely drunk that night… extraordinarily so. And for the first time… he saw something besides, rage, hatred and regret in those orbs. He saw sheer determination to destroy. To destroy the thing that had killed his beloved wife. To destroy the sole reason for his agony and suffering.
To crush the spirit and being that was his son so utterly complete that an attempted restoration would be impossible.
His father wanted to destroy him… his father wanted to shatter his morals, beliefs, spirit, soul, and all else that made him… him.
And so he did the unthinkable.
Though that faithful that occurred more than a day ago. The red head could not forget the vividness of the events of that night.
He remembered everything… all sounds and all emotions.
He remembered…. The pain… the unbearable pain that had felt as though he would break into two at any moment.
His body remembered the abuse.
And the next day…
For the first time, the Teiko basketball captain did not show up for practice.
Or to school for a matter of fact. Simply because of that fact that he could not move.
He was only a second year in middle school at the time.
The boy allowed his eyes to close and his body into limpness.
Onwards to live yet another day, towards yet another day of pretend.
His bruises were covered or so he thought. "Akashi-kun… I see it happened again." a voice calmly spoke.
Despite his genuine shock the teen kept his composure. "Ah… Tetsuya" heterochromatic orbs flickered to the pale visage in front of him. "Yes…" he answered bitterly. Kuroko seemed to know everything… no matter how hard he tried to cover it. It was an unspoken thought, seemingly understood by both parties.
"Akashi-kun please come over to my house today. I need to tend to your wounds" the smaller boy said.
"It was nothing serious."
"The last time you said that Akashi-kun… it turned out to be the most serious offence of all" the pale blue orbs flickered to meet heterochromatic ones.
The tension in the atmosphere thickened, mismatched orbs darkened.
"Akashi-kun you did not come to practice yesterday… are you alright?" Kuroko asked the captain the follow day.
"Yes Tetsuya… I am alright." He paused. "First stringers! Fifty laps as warm up" he shouted as he slowly walked towards the benches.
"Akashi-kun… will you come over today?" the smaller boy inquired, voice dropped an octave.
"No… it was nothing serious" the captain whispered as he tried to ignore the stabbing sensation as he attempted to sit.
"….okay if Akashi-kun is sure" his voice reeked of skepticism, but nonetheless he didn't question the response of his superior.
"Akashi-kun… why are you limping?" Kuroko inquired again as he followed the figure towards the locker-room after practice.
"…Tetsuya, I'm just a bit sore from practice that's all" Akashi said quickly without giving it much thought. As quickly as his injured body would allow, he entered the locker room. Only to feel his knees shaking slightly. It was only two more steps before his knees gave out and he fell onto the smaller boy's frame. "…" his orbs widened in disbelief as the shadow attempted to catch him without avail.
"Akashi-kun, you can tell me what happened… you told me the first time…did I do something?" he whispered quietly as he attempted to look into the piercing heterochromatic orbs that seemed to avoid his own.
"That's not it…"Akashi said quietly as he picked up on the genuine concern in the boy's voice.
Without another protest or argument, the red headed nodded slightly as he grabbed his bag from the locker to follow the shadow out.
"Akashi-kun, please remove your shirt" Kuroko said as soon as the duo entered the dark room.
Akashi tried not to let the words effect his breathing too much, and yet, his heartbeat increased, his breath hitched slightly at the unintended meaning behind the paler boy's lips. Shrugging slightly, the red head removed his plain t-shirt, revealing a series of ugly purple bruises.
Kuroko winched at the wounds on the otherwise pristine pale skin of his captain.
His breath hitched as Kuroko's ice cold hands trailed against the bruises widespread across his back. It hurt.
They were so cold that it hurt.
Akashi imagined the expression on the shadow's pale visage. He imagined the concern that would be displayed on his visage. He imagined all that. The same icy cold sensations suddenly turned fiery hot, his breath hitched, caught at the top of his throat. "Tetsuya…" he whispered slightly as he grabbed the hand gently placed on his shoulder.
It's soft. He thought to himself. A small smile formed upon the captain's lips as it widened as at the realization that this rare display of contentment was not caught by the smaller boy. "Akashi-kun…it must've hurt" the paler boy whispered slightly.
"I'll be fine" the red head whispered as he rotated his body three-hundred degrees to face the smaller boy.
"Physically maybe… but mentally… I think not…" Kuroko said quietly as he grasped the hand placed above his.
"Mentally? Something that trivial doesn't matter"
"Yes… yes it does… it matters" the boy's eyes turned downcast as he realized the grim reality of his captain's mental state.
"No.. Tetsuya, physical… what is observable is all that matters" Akashi sighed as he turned away from the smaller boy.
"Akashi-kun" Kuroko called out. He received no response. "Akashi-kun, please look at me." He pleaded.
"…." Akashi's ears perked up at the strange, concerning tone in the otherwise stoic boy's voice. He did not turn.
"Seijuro!" Kuroko said rather loudly as he grabbed the elder's forearm, pulling slightly to get the other male to face him.
Heterochromatic eyes widened at being called by his first name and the display of anger or rather frustration from the smaller boy. "Tet-su-ya" he stuttered.
"Please listen…." The boy pleaded. His eyes closed as his lashes fluttered over his light cerulean orbs. He tried his best to contain his tears. He cared. He cared for Akashi and yet.. and yet. His lips quivered. His shoulders shook.
"Tetsu…" Akashi called out lovingly, his hand reached out towards the boy, cupping his cheek tenderly, his eyes softened immediately.
Blue orbs flickered towards the pale visage in front of him. He stared into crimson and golden orbs filled with concern. He smiled, reaching upward to cup the hand placed upon his cheek. "I just want Akashi-kun to be okay"
Akashi swallowed a lump in his throat nervously. A dull, stabbing sensation reverberated throughout his body. He felt his chest tightened slightly and his heart contour with agony, blissful agony. Loving hate for the situation before him, the boy named Kuroko Tetsuya was so blissfully ignorant. Akashi preferred it that way. And so he swallowed, he swallowed his lustful desire to hold the boy before him in his arms to tell him everything he felt. He swallowed the confession that would've ended their current relationship. This was fine. This was all he could ask for, nothing more.
"I know Akashi-kun believes that he is always right, but I beg of you please take my opinion into account" the younger boy pleaded still holding on to the hand against his cheek. "It's hard to heal a broke spirit. I hope yours isn't…" his voice faded into silence.
Heterochromatic orbs widened as he felt a pair of arms encircling him around the waist. Glancing downwards, he caught sight of a mop of light blue locks, burying its owner's face in his chest. Hesitantly, Akashi raised a hand, tempted to hold the shadow and whisper words of affection. He stopped, closing his bicolored eyes he took a deep breath in. "Tetsuya" he calmed out as calmly as his current state would allow him. "I'm fine." He stated clearly. "And I will always be fine… I'm use to it by now" he whispered bitterly, silently hoping the smaller teen would let go. His temperance… and restraint would only go so far…
And so Kuroko let go reluctantly, he stared into crimson and golden orbs, searching for an ounce of faltering ego, an ounce of something that would allow him to argue with Teiko captain. He found nothing. Chuckling bitterly, he took a step away from the red head. "Akashi-kun can spend the night here if he wishes". "Forever obdurate" he whispered inaudibly. Kuroko sighed to himself; silently scolding his inner desires and feelings that had escape his otherwise perfect façade. He should've known that there was no way Akashi would show weakness in front of anyone. He had thought that he was special. He had thought that just maybe, maybe, Akashi would let grant him access to his mind. He was wrong. He wasn't special.
Kuroko let out another bitter chuckle at the grim revelation. He was nothing to Akashi. Clenching his chest tightly, the shadow left the proximity of the living room. He sighed as soon as he felt his back come in contact with the cold wall. Biting his bottom lips gently, the bluenette pondered on their relationship.
His heart, mind and body yearned for something more than what they had now. But his morality begged to differ. And so the boy compromised. "It's better off this way" he whispered to himself as a second reassurance and sucked in a long breath before heading back towards the red-head. He needs me, Kuroko thought to himself. He needs me to be a friend, a close friend, nothing more. The boy's throat tightened at the last thought. "It's better off this way" he whispered again. "Akashi-kun, let's go out for supper"
Akashi flashed the shadow a rare smile. Before putting his discard t-shirt and standing up. He was glad, glad that this awkward atmosphere was broken.
"I know a place" Kuroko said before grabbing his captain by the wrist to drag him slowly out of the apartment.
Heterochromatic eyes widened at the gesture and contact. He gulped, gazing affectionately at the light blue mop of hair moving in front of him. "So blissfully oblivious" he whispered inaudibly. A small smile crept into the otherwise stoic visage as Akashi attempted to calm his racing heart as he felt his hand slipping into the shadow's… in an gentle and yet firm grasp he held on to the warmth.
They mean nothing, these gestures of affection. Kuroko doesn't know… doesn't understand. Akashi's eyes fluttered closed as a long held breath escaped his lips. This was enough. This… just this.
"You know… next time he comes home intoxicated… you can just come here." The bluenette whispered. "No matter what… you can always come here"
Akashi gulped; he felt his hand getting hotter in the grasp of the smaller boy. Those words whose meaning seemed obvious struck the teen's heart with vengeance, giving it the slightest hope that just maybe, maybe, this love is mutual. The taller of the two mentally slapped himself for even allowing his imagination to go so far. So far into a fantasy that could not be. Willing the dull pain in his chest to go away he put up a false smile for the world to see. "I know, I know Tetsuya" he whispered, trying his best to not allow his voice to crack.
The duo strolled into the local restaurant a few blocks from the shadow's apartment. It was cozy, small place empty at this late hour. "Akashi-kun what would you like?" the bluenette asked after glancing at the menus.
"I'll take whatever you get"
"Okay then."
"What can I get for you two?" the waitress said politely.
"We'll take two number fives please" the shadow said quietly before handing the two menus to the female.
"Thank you, they will be right out"
"Tetsuya… can I ask you a question?" Akashi spoke first, breaking the silence. The smaller boy nodded in response. "How did you know?"
Without needing further explanations and thoughts, Kuroko spoke. "Because I know Akashi-kun, I understand you" icy blue orbs stared into mismatched orbs, breaking into conscience of the captain, Kuroko searched for a weakness, a problem, anything beyond psychotically stoic orbs. He found nothing. Sighing slightly, the bluenette tore his gaze away from the taller male. "I know Akashi-kun best out of anyone on the team… and yet I still feel like I don't know you…"
Akashi stated, paralyzed. The boy in front of him had just pouted. He felt his heart aching to comfort the smaller boy, he felt the urge to kiss him, hold him and whisper words of disgustingly sweet affection. His eyes softened immediately as Kuroko's tone dropped to one of sorrow. Tilting his head slightly, the red head attempt to gain access to that pale visage. He licked his lips nervously as he caught a glimpse of the smaller boy's eyes. He stopped, swallowed an awkward lump in his throat and spoke. "Tetsuya, look at me"
The smaller boy remained still.
"Look at me" Akashi commanded.
Kuroko did not budge.
"That's an order" it was barely a whisper and yet it send shivers down the bluenette's spine, that tone… that menace. Reluctantly, Kuroko raised his hand.
Akashi almost fainted. Tears, there were tears, precious pearls rolling down the pristine visage. The red head felt his mouth dry up as he licked his lips nervously. "Tetsu… don't cry" he whispered, voice filled with as much solace as he could fester up.
"But… but… Akashi-kun can't even see… can't even…" his voice trailed off as Kuroko got in control of his emotions again. He swallowed. Swallowed all the grief, sorrow, despair and uselessness, he was suppose to be comforting Akashi-kun, not the other way around. Using the back of his hand, the younger of the two dried off his tears and regained his temporarily lost composure. "Sorry… it's nothing"
"…."Akashi remained silent. His hands clenched into fists as he contemplated his next words. He chose to remain silent. Pretended the emotion breakdown never happened. Kuroko didn't deserve this… he was doing nothing except causing him pain and discomfort.
"Here you are" the waitress cut into the tense atmosphere. Two plates of curry and rice were placed onto the table.
The duo ate in stark silence.
"I think I will go back home"
"Wha-"cerulean orbs flickered towards the taller male as the two departed the restaurant. "Why?" the teen whispered.
"I don't want to cause any more trouble"
"You aren't causing trouble, you never will" Kuroko answered sincerely, desperately starting at the captain.
Akashi shook his head lightly, attempting his best to avoid those pleading orbs. He swallowed, licking his lips nervously. "One night" he finally gave in. In the elder teen's peripheral, he saw a smile…. A warm smile forming upon the lips of the shadow. His heart skipped a beat. His breath hitched. Too cute. His heart ached dully…
"Um… is Akashi-kun alright?"
"Yes" One word, nothing more, he didn't trust his voice any more than that.
The duo once again arrived at the confines of the shadow's apartment. "I hope you're still okay with my bed" Kuroko whispered before walking into his bedroom.
Akashi calmed his racing heart as he followed the bluenette in. "Yes…" he whispered, voice barely audible.
"Good… we should get some sleep" the shadow whispered equally quietly before climbing into the far left side of the bed, making room for the taller boy.
Akashi gulped, reluctantly but surely climbed in besides the smaller boy. Minutes that felt like hours passed, heterochromatic eyes focused on the ceiling above, trying his best to avoid the sleeping boy besides him. The red head let out a long sigh before sneaking a glance at the boy. Kuroko faced towards his, visage calm, sweet and innocent. His heart raced as the elder teen inched closer towards the sleeping shadow. His lips hovered over the pristine visage, his self control long forgotten. With breaths fanning over the smaller boy, he reluctantly pressed his lips against the boy's forehead, lovingly, affectionately before placing a feather light kiss upon the boy's parted lips.
Cold
So cold that it hurt
The same pain reverberated throughout his body. Just when he went to remove his lips from the smaller boy's he stopped. No, he was stopped by…
Heterochromatic eyes widened as he felt the boy besides him pressing closer. Akashi opened his mouth to say something, those words never left. Kuroko pressed himself closer and closer to the elder teen. Lips slightly parted, he invited the other in. Hesitantly, Akashi pushed his tongue into that smaller boy's mouth. Exploring the cavern that he had restrained from so many times before. Gently, he rubbed against the smaller boy's muscle, engaging it into a dance. Challenging it to a battle, to a battle in which he, of course, won. Then he pulled away. Releasing the boy from his grasp, his brief meeting with euphoria ended as conscience and morality sunk back into his mind. "How long were you awake?" he whispered.
"I was always" ice blue orbs avoid eye contact with the elder.
"I'm sorry…." Akashi whispered.
"Why? Why are you apologizing?"
"That was out of line Tetsuya, I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me" the red haired teen admitted.
"…." Kuroko chuckled. An action that for the umpteenth time today, brought sheer shock to the elder teen's visage. "I don't know what Akashi-kun feels but… I just want the best for you." The bluenette whispered.
The elder of the two licked his lips nervously, eyes fixed on the contemplating teen.
"So…"So, let's pretend… pretend everything is alright, pretend that when you're with me all your dilemmas and problems don't exist"
Akashi's eyes widened at the blunt statement. Shock reverberated throughout his body as his mind fail to process the meaning behind the statement.
And then he smile, after minutes of contemplation and silence.
Slowly, he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, pulling his into an embrace. "So, let's pretend" he mumbled.
Author's Note
I'll apologize for the OOC in this
these two are too heartbreaking T_T
also this chap is a bit short because well... it was hard to write :P
