A/N: Well, I always thought Stickfigures were weird. Well not really. But in this story, I do think they're even EVIL. From time to time, I'll be making comments and they'll appear in italics between ( )'s. Please Read and Review. And the most important thing of all: ENJOY!
Disclaimer: I don't own HP, but I do control the Stickpeople! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh and, No, No teacher/student hook-up, it's all just good humor. Proceed to the story carefully.
Chapter 1:
A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT...WHEN SNAPE'S DIRTY BOXERS AND GREASY SHOWERCAP LAY ON THE ENTRANCE HALL
I am sure you found nothing else to read, for you're looking at a very, very, very weird story. My name will not be revealed, and so, you will all know me as the Author, or as XnightcatX. I can not reveal to you my name, for it would mean doom for us all.
I sit here, in a dark room, accompanied by my dear teddy bear cat, Taiwiny Sirius Remus King. I sit here in front of this computer, typing the horrible reality we live in. I am scared, my hands are shaking...my heart is beating fast, and- I'm hungry...(foodmunchmunchfood)
Okay, as I was saying...
I have a story to tell, and I hope you can all endure this cruel reality. What I will say, is, BEWARE OF THE STICKPEOPLE!
Thus our story begins. Well, it's more mine than yours. You're only reading it. Ehem...
Every HP story starts with "Harry Potter was an unusual kid" or something like that. Well, not this one. This story starts like this, because that's how I want to begin it, and you can't do a thing about it, so I suggest you just sit back, shut up, and read.
It was a dark and stormy night...Okay so it was a bright jolly sunny day! So sue me! The point is, the real story begins at night. When it's stormy. When it's dark. But let's just do a brief paragraph about what happened that bright sunny day.
Cody Branagh (Greetings if there's a real person called Cody Branagh. Hi!) was a normal wizard, who attended Hogwarts and was currently in his 2nd year. Ok, I'm sensing some people clicking out of this story and going to another one...why! This story IS about Harry Potter! I just need to give a brief explanation about Cody Branagh! Okay let's go back now. Ehem...
Cody Branagh was attending his 2nd year at Hogwarts. He was just like everybody else. He attended classes, did his homework, ate his meals, laughed with friends, hang out, he was pretty boring-normal. He also knew Harry Potter assisted the same school as he did, and he was in 5th year now.
It was a bright sunny day, and Cody Branagh had gone out to the grounds to do his homework. Unfortunately, his books had been jinxed by a 4th year Slytherin who thought it amusing to watch the boy's books run away. But Cody Branagh was determined to catch them and finish his Transfiguration homework before dinner. And so, Cody Branagh chased his books, all the way into the Forbidden Forest...
Harry Potter was just walking around the halls. He was looking for his friend Ron Weasley who had been dragged away to patrol the hallways with Hermione Granger. The bright sunny day had turned into a dark and stormy night just after dinner. He was just going down the 6th floor staircase when he found Luna Lovegood. She smiled at him and joined him in his lonely walk.
"My dad just sent me this" she held out a green glass-leaf amulet in front of Harry's nose.
"What's it for?" asked Harry.
"Oh- it's to ward off the Stickpeople" she whispered fearful.
"Is it?" Harry looked more interested in the little amulet now.
"Do you believe in the stickpeople?" she asked him.
"Of course he doesn't" a voice answered from behind them.
Harry wheeled around to find his friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger standing behind him.
"Honestly" Hermione continued, walking towards Luna "Harry doesn't believe in those stories. Stickpeople, really! That is just so far-fetched!"
Luna gave her a dirty look, before she gave Harry an amulet just like hers. "Just in case. I won't give any to her, though" she gave Ron one too "Let the Stickpeople take her captive, for her skepticism. But let me tell you...the Stickpeople have no mercy!" her eyes grew big in a dramatic way, before waving good-bye to them and going off her merry way.
"Whatever" said Hermione, not minding her. "Oh, Ron we must go patrol the DADA hall! What if Professor Lupin were to be attacked by a Slytherin! Come on"
"Er- no thanks" said Ron, moving away from her. "I'm just going to patrol the Entrance Hall with Harry..."
"Oh. Okay" Hermione wheeled around, and skipped to the DADA hall.
Ron frowned in puzzlement. "I dunno what's she so happy about. Sure, we're all glad Lupin's back but- man she's just over-happy. Anyways, come on"
And so, Harry and Ron set out for the Entrance hall, talking about Quidditch and the Chudley Cannons, then the weather, then Quidditch in stormy weather. Yes, big Quidditch fans, aren't they?
Truth was, Hermione had a big crush on Professor Lupin ever since he taught in their 3rd year. And now he was back, and she was just overjoyed that her loving werewolf was near her again. But no one knew about it, no one.
"Wait, I gotta take a leak" Ron hurried down the hall, and disappeared through the door of the Boy's Bathroom.
Harry heaved a heavy sigh and continued to walk to the Entrance Hall. That's where he saw something that sank his heart low in his stomach, and made him go pale. The sight was provoking him vomit, and urging his mind to erase that snapshot his photographic memory had taken. I-it was terrible! It was horrible! It was- Snape's dirty boxers and his greasy showercap...
Harry quickly trotted down the stairs to get away from the horror, the hideous items! That's when he found something else lying on the floor.
It was Cody Branagh. He was heavily slithering towards the staircase. His clothes were ragged, bloody, and he had many bruises. Blood oozed from his nose, and he held out in his fist a soaked piece of paper. Harry gaped, before snapping to his senses and hurrying over towards him. Cody's lips parted to speak, and Harry leaned, ready to hear whatever he wanted to say.
MEANWHILE...
Hermione continued her jolly happy skipping down the DADA hall. She was grinning. She'd only had gone to talk to Harry because Ron hadn't noticed him. She knew that Ron wouldn't be so keen as to patrol with her again, and would choose to go away with Harry, leaving her open to patrol the DADA hall alone. Alone with Professor Lupin. My goodness, I'm so smart! she thought, grinning that her plan had worked.
A door opened.
Hermione held her breath as she saw who it was. Her heart skipped a beat, and her face shined. It was her beloved Lupin!
Oh no- she was blushing. Luckily for her, she was the smartest girl and had performed a spell so it wouldn't show. I'm truly a genius! she laughed mentally.
A shame her hair was so bushy. Ah well, that's what made her adorable, right? (Er- riiiiight. Geesh, such a self-centered girl). Hermione adjusted her robes, and continued walking as if she hadn't noticed him come out.
Professor Lupin then noticed her. "Hermione, what are you doing at this time of night?"
Hoping to see you, darling "I'm just patrolling the halls" she smiled at him.
"And where's Ron?"
Talking about Quidditch with Harry in the dungeons, I hope "Patrolling the Entrance Hall with Harry" but enough talk about them We're alone, all alone. "Was my Essay good enough?" she asked timidly.
"Of course" smiled Lupin "I hardly find anything wrong with them. I don't think I ever have"
Hermione was ready to melt. Ah that smile. Those eyes...I wish I had some illness that made me black out so I could faint into his arms...
"I better get going" said Professor Lupin "Have a good night"
"Right. Good-bye" she made to walk back up the hall, as he walked down it. She watched him leave, a sly smile on her lips Bye, wolf-boy... "Oof" she fanned herself, biting her lip as she turned the corner to patrol the Charms Hall. "Wolf on fire, baby!"
XX
"Speak!" Harry urged the wounded Cody Branagh, "What happened to you!"
Cody only managed to say something...
"Beware...of the Stick-people"
Harry blinked.
But Cody said no more, or gave any explanation, for he blacked out.
"Speak!" Harry shook him, but there was no answer from him.
The Stickpeople, he had said...The Stickpeople had done this to him...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Harry stopped, and frowned. "Why am I so worked out about it? I don't even know him" he pushed Cody Branagh away, before taking the piece of wet paper and studied it.
It was a drawing, a stick figure.
Harry gasped. Many words threaded around his mind, but only 3 made their way to his mouth "Luna was right!"
Harry ran away, feeling that if Snape's disgusting boxers and greasy showercap (Harry shuddered) were there, Snape might be near and Harry didn't need to be blamed for this. He forgot about Ron, and that he wasn't supposed to be out, unless he was with a teacher or a Prefect. But he ran, he ran to Dumbledore's office with the only thought of what that boy had said. Beware of the Stickpeople.
XX
Ron trotted to the Entrance Hall now, relieved. He saw no sign of Harry, but of something he certainly didn't want to see. He rushed to the side of the stairs to heave his dinner, when he saw what lay there. A boy!
Ron was about to prod the boy to see if he was alive or not, when he heard quick sharp steps coming near. Ron looked down at the boy again, who now squinted at him.
"Holy crap!" Ron said to himself "I'm gonna get blamed for this!" He darted away as fast as he could, to the Charms Hall to create an alibi. He was not going to get blamed for whatever had happened to that boy.
Poor Cody Branagh, he had to stay there, and stare at the monstrosities that were Snape's dirty boxers and greasy showercap. If he could speak at this moment, what he'd say would be, "JUST KILL ME!" and we wouldn't blame him, for looking at Snape's dirty horrendous boxers and greasy showercap would make anyone wish death.
XX
And Harry ran, fast and furious (ok, that was a bad movie pun. I'll stop them before I become too dorky). He only stopped when he saw the ugly Gargoyle. He gave it the password, and-
XX
RON ran, until he reached the Charms Hall, but he continued running. He looked over his shoulder, trying to make sure Snape wasn't following him, but he should've actually looked where he was going, for he crashed against someone.
Ron looked at the face of the unfortunate person he had crashed into. It was none other than Hermione Granger. Ron blushed. They were in a most compromising posture he couldn't believe it.
"Ron?" she asked.
"Oh- Mione" groaned Ron, panting.
"Ehem"
They turned heads, finding none other than Professor Lupin standing at the other end of the hall.
"Professor!" Hermione violently pushed Ron off her by elbowing and kneeing him accidentally in where the sun don't shine, and quickly got up, fixing her robes.
"I think you two should just turn in for the night" He looked quite bewildered.
Hermione was thinking of so many excuses so he wouldn't think what he was thinking, for it was all wrong. But all she could do was stutter nonsense. "I-I-I- n-n-no- eh- H-he- I-"
But Professor Lupin just looked away and hurriedly left the hall.
Hermione could see it was too late to tell him that he had it all wrong, that they had just crashed. Infuriated, she turned to Ron, who was still holding his privates, busying himself with breathing evenly to make the pain go away.
"Stupid idiot!" she shouted at him, before going to the nearest wall and banging her head on it, embarrassment had gone to the highest level she could endure.
Ron observed her, pain forgotten. "Er- Hermione? You-you do know that the walls are made of- stone, right?"
Hermione didn't stop or acknowledged him.
Ron could only flinch every time Hermione's forehead collided with the stone wall. He couldn't say anything, he couldn't stop her, he could only watch in horror and amazement.
XX
The Gargoyle moved aside to not only reveal the staircase, but the one and only Professor Albus Dumbledore.
"Professor!" Harry panted (haha, pants, haha. Hilarious! Fine, okay, I'll shut up now)
"What's wrong, Harry?" he looked bewildered (man, everybody's been bewildered lately!)
"The Stickpeople!" Harry cried out "They're real! And they attacked a student!"
Harry was ready to see Dumbledore laugh at this, and demand proof that they indeed existed. But he didn't, and instead, he sent an owl to someone named Lee King, and then asked Harry to take him to the wounded student.
XX
Ron saw Hermione hit her forehead for a 3rd time, and then a 4th, before she hit the floor instead, unconscious.
Ron gaped, before he came to his senses. "Holy crap, they're gonna blame me for this too!" he also hit the floor, running. Time to create another alibi...
A/N: Well, end of the first chapter! Plz review! I'll give chocolate cake and "Sirius Lives" pens for all of those who review!
