Kill me romantically, fill my soul with vomit
then ask me for a piece of gum.
Bitter and dumb, you're my sugarplum.
You're awful, I love you.
Yumichika's wet pink tongue ran over his lips in a smooth luscious motion, then a smile flashed his white teeth and the equally pink gum he was chewing. Ikkaku just stood there staring for a moment longer, probably looking like a confused zombie as he watched his lips purse and a bubble build there.
Pop.
Ikkaku blinked, realizing he'd been standing in the doorway for far longer than any normally functioning human should. Don't linger on the threshold and all that.
That fucking bubble-gum again. Ikkaku knew the taste well from their kisses, but if he thought hard enough, he could imagine the taste in his mouth just from looking at Yumichika and his over-zealous chewing.
"Hey, sugar," he greeted. Yeah right. Yumichika was anything but sweet; he was a fucking lemon, but you know what they say about life handing you lemons. Lock them in a freezer with Ikkaku and see what happens. Lemonade.
God, this whole situation was fucked up.
Yumichika looked up from the break table with a smile at the love-name, like he'd missed Ikkaku bitterly. Ikkaku grinned and leaned in to kiss his neck. Sugarless lemonade. White wine. The sourest tartest cherry pie he'd ever tasted, and he loved it. Yumichika smiled sweetly, eyes slipping closed and a hand coming up to stroke Ikkaku's face as he continued peppering kisses up towards his ear and cheek.
"How you doing?" Ikkaku asked quietly, not wanting to startle him by talking so close to his ear. He kissed there one more time and snaked his arms around Yumichika's shoulders, pressing his face against his. Yumichika gave a small frown and took a breath. "What'sa matter?" Yumichika's nose wrinkled slightly and he brought a hand up to it.
"… You smell like garbage," Yumichika said after a moment, holding his nose and leaning away. He didn't have a snarky expression on, so Ikkaku knew he was actually being serious and not just rude. Yumichika had actually been really nice to him lately, so if he was telling him he smelled like trash, he just might be telling the truth. Ikkaku brought his shirt up to his mouth and smelled, making a disgusted noise. Oh right. He'd dragged out those trash bags that had been left in the rain earlier, after his shower. He did smell like trash. He couldn't believe Yumichika had let him hug him for that long. Ikkaku scratched the back of his neck sheepishly as Yumichika raised his eyebrows at his lack of explanation.
"Oops."
Yumichika gave a long sigh, head thunking onto the table-top. Ikkaku ruffled his hair and cuddled him for a while, sitting in the chair next to him.
"Want me to move over a bit?" he asked, probably getting his nasty-garbage/sweaty-man smell all over Yumichika. Yumichika just groaned and pinched his nose dramatically, but let Ikkaku keep hugging him while he ate his lunch.
Eventually Ikkaku let go so they could play extreme kakuro together on Ikkaku's phone for a few minutes. Yumichika ate like a frickin' bird, picking at his salad and eating chips like he was afraid to let that orange dust touch his face at all. Well, one of them had to be the clean one. Ikkaku knew full well that he ate like a wild beast.
Ikkaku grinned as they talked about the upcoming river festival, which they were going to go to together. Their relationship had been going great for about a month now. Ikkaku had been doing his damnedest to be the best boyfriend ever and Yumichika had been responding well. The little jerk was turning into a little sweetheart instead, and it was seriously the best thing that had ever happened to Ikkaku's pathetic life.
Ikkaku wanted to take Yumichika everywhere, all the time. When he was grocery-shopping, he imagined Yumichika there. When he was getting his car fixed and sitting in the waiting room, he wished Yumichika was there. When he was out watering his friend's plants or jogging, he wanted Yumichika there. When he saw something funny or cool, the first thing he always thought of was, 'shit, where's my phone, my boyfriend would love this.' Ikkaku wanted to handcuff them together, in a totally non-creepy non-sexual way of course.
If this was love, it felt really good. Ikkaku wanted so badly for this to be love. He wanted Yumichika to love him and to stay. Every damn day before he went to sleep he was praying hard that he didn't fuck this up. At least not beyond repair.
"Oh, I see something," Yumichika piped up, bringing Ikkaku out of his thoughts. He passed his phone over to him and just watched as Yumichika filled in a large area of the puzzle. Smart little fuck. Ikkaku grinned and reached out, affectionately scratching Yumichika between the shoulder-blades a little.
Who said having a boyfriend was hard?
Well, there was that thing…
Ikkaku's sexual desire had made a reappearance, luckily, and even though Ikkaku was eager to make love to his boyfriend and give them some new memories, he just didn't know how to get started. After his huge fuck-up before and his problem maintaining a hard-on, was it any wonder that his confidence was shot? Their relationship was going good, and Ikkaku was ready to give things another try. He just didn't want there to be another set-back. He didn't think he could bear it if he went soft at the wrong moment again. He might just die of shame.
They'd actually talked about it, because Ikkaku had tentatively brought up that he still felt bad about what he'd done in the freezer that day and that he wanted to make up for it, and that he didn't know what had happened that one time that they'd almost had sex but he'd chickened out. He said that he was ready for another try, and they'd discussed it and everything.
They planned to go to bed on their next date, just so both of them had time to prepare fully this time around. Ikkaku was in charge of getting the condoms, since they'd decided they were going to try to use them as often as possible, if not all the time. It hit Ikkaku later when he was buying them that they were really going to go to bed together. Yumichika wanted it, and Ikkaku said he did too. He did. He just didn't know if it would work. Yumichika was once again the subject of many of his nighttime fantasies, and he was getting turned on again at inappropriate moments, but Ikkaku didn't know if it would hold up when the moment came. God, this was embarrassing.
"So… it's tomorrow, then," Ikkaku mumbled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he broached an uncomfortable subject.
"Yes," Yumichika replied seamlessly, still tapping away at Ikkaku's phone and filling in the puzzle. He looked up when Ikkaku was silent for a moment too long. "Are you excited?" Yumichika grinned, raising his eyebrows, snaking an arm around Ikkaku's neck. Ikkaku smiled back cautiously and grabbed Yumichika by the hips, pulling him onto his leg and holding him around the waist affectionately.
"Yeah. I'm gonna' melt you. Be ready," Ikkaku challenged, although it was safe to say that he couldn't possibly be more insecure about this.
"That had better not be false confidence."
"Aw shit," Ikkaku mumbled, and Yumichika laughed out loud, assuring him that he'd been kidding as he touched his ears and turned his face up so he could kiss his forehead. Ikkaku sighed a little, smiling uncertainly.
"There is absolutely no pressure," Yumichika said, "You know that if it doesn't work, we can just try again." He smiled deviously. "And again. And again, and-"
"Okay, I get it," Ikkaku said, cheeks turning a little red as he imagined them doing it on pretty much every flat thing in either of their apartments. "I get it, just stop," he repeated, grinning sheepishly. "And… I'm sor-"
"If you apologize one more time, I'm walking away," Yumichika said flatly, bopping Ikkaku's nose.
"Okay, sorry."
Yumichika gave him a dead-pan stare, and Ikkaku responded with a shit-eating grin. "You are literally the worst man," Yumichika grit out, seizing him around the neck and hugging him fiercely, digging his nails into him hard. Ikkaku tickled him a little and hugged back, laughing as Yumichika writhed around and whined, not letting go of him.
"Hey, so wanna' cruise the paint-department? Those color names are a fucking gas," Ikkaku offered, letting Yumichika scootch back to his own chair as he stood up.
"No, thank you. I'm still eating."
"It'll be nice, though. You could make fun of them with me," Ikkaku lilted temptingly, leaning in to kiss his ear. Yumichika pressed his lips together in a thin line, eyes narrowing as he glared at him without malice.
"You smell like a dumpster, now leave," Yumichika said blandly, and Ikkaku let out a laugh, saying there was a joke about taking out the trash in there somewhere.
Yumichika grinned exasperatedly and leaned in, holding both sides of his head and Ikkaku just melted when he kissed him. "You're awful," Yumichika said, kissing him once more and rubbing his ears slightly, then letting him go and shoving him out of the break-room.
Ikkaku floated around for the rest of the day.
Ichigo sighed, lip sticking out as he lay stuck to the couch. The house was quiet, his laptop was on the coffee table in front of him, his browser history full of inappropriate websites, and there was a box of tissues next to him. This was beyond abnormal for him, but he'd been desperate. Renji was out again. They hadn't had sex in a straight month. No, Ichigo was definitely not moping.
If Renji was anything, he was a man of his word, and ever since they'd made their little deal, Renji had been pretty much out and about, busy working, busy with school, busy out drinking with his buddies, and Ichigo had found himself missing his stupid face.
Not only that, now that Ichigo knew the touch of a man, he couldn't go back to how he'd been - fine with only jerking off like once every month. He tried to curb the spike of misplaced desire by masturbating more often, but it just wasn't satisfying like having sex with Renji was, leaving him even more frustrated. Damn it. Ichigo thought he'd go mad. He was starved for contact and it was consuming his life.
Renji had promised to back off and leave him alone, and fair enough, he'd quit touching him and given Ichigo space, but Ichigo hadn't meant that he'd wanted him to leave the house. Whenever they did spend time together, there was a distinct absence of touch; even when Renji had to hand him the remote, he just tossed it over to him. It was jarring. Even when they'd just been friends, they'd still had some sort of casual touch, but now it was just gone. Ichigo was down to his last nerve.
He'd asked for this, hadn't he? He should be happy. Renji was giving him a chance to take things slow. They'd even gone on a date to an adult-arcade earlier in the week and it had been nice, but there had been no touching or kissing or anything, even after they'd gotten back, and Ichigo was craving it. What the fuck was with his messed up brain?
Ichigo was starting to suspect that it was the fact that they'd had sex before they should have. The sex had ruined everything. The sex was what had driven him insane. He should've held onto his V-card and let Renji romance him for a good long time. They could've taken things slow from the beginning if only Ichigo had been less stubborn, but no, now they'd fucked and Ichigo couldn't erase that from his head. It was impossible to put the horse back in the barn. Damn. He wished he could just be satisfied with how things were, with his sweet idiot of a boyfriend, but no, he wasn't just a boyfriend. He was Ichigo's lover, but there was no loving going on between them. Ichigo knew it was too late to take things slow. They'd had sex and there was no going back, and he'd have to deal with it. Renji was putting a lot of effort into this, and Ichigo knew that he had to clean up his act as well. It might speed things along, at least - and there was also that part where Ichigo might maybe actually care about Renji and want to make him happy.
Ichigo cleaned up the living room in time for Renji to get back, and the big dork had a grin on his mug, showing Ichigo the novelty t-shirt he'd picked out for him, throwing it towards him. Ichigo opened it up curiously, finding that it was the logo for that Doraemon show. Ichigo scowled and threw it away from him, rolling his eyes. How old was this guy he was dating, seriously?
"Oh, hey, I got something for you too," Ichigo said, at which Renji looked up, in the middle of putting some groceries away. Ichigo stared at him for a moment and then flipped him off. Renji just rolled his eyes, going back to what he was doing. "No seriously though, I got you something, you're gonna' like this." Ichigo leaped over the back of the couch and went into his room, bringing back a plastic bag.
Renji straightened up and shut the fridge, taking the bag with a questioning glance. Ichigo stared back at him until Renji looked inside. Then he pulled out a ziplock and promptly freaked out, ripping it open. "O- Wh-" he sputtered, mouth round, before looking back up to Ichigo, then down again in disbelief. "Ghaaaa," he groaned, looking back up and shoving Ichigo's face, then ruffling his hair and shaking him by the shoulder excitedly. "Fuck, Ichigo, you sure know how to fucking spoil me."
"Yeah, I passed the stall earlier, and I thought of you. I mean, how could I not?" Ichigo said, lip quirking as Renji immediately started stuffing his face on those fish-cakes. Usually when there was taiyaki around, Ichigo didn't get a single damn one, so he'd had his own today when he was out alone walking home from class in his scrubs.
"Mmmmmm," Renji mumbled, chewing, eyes dreamy and affectionate, and Ichigo was sure he was going to get some tonight. Predictably, Renji leaned in to kiss him, and Ichigo closed his eyes in anticipation, but when he opened them again, Renji had frowned and backed away, taking another bite and then grabbing another cookie out. He made some more satisfied appreciative noises, which frustrated Ichigo to no end. "This is so fucking good, hmmm," he hummed, holding his mouth with his fingertips in contemplation as he chewed. "Hey thanks, that was a real nice thought," he said with a smile, snacking away, and Ichigo was sure he could see 'I love you so fucking much' in Renji's eyes, but he wasn't hearing the words and it felt like failure.
Ichigo groaned inwardly and went back to the couch. He'd been pretty lonely lately actually, even though Renji had been spending his small bits of free time with him. "You wanna'… play something?" Ichigo offered, gesturing to their Atari console. It was ridiculous how crazy their games of Pong could get, because soon it was all about shoving their feet in the other's face to try to screw them up.
Renji looked at him for a second, cheeks bulging, before he shrugged and nodded agreeably. He swallowed, obviously more than he should've at one time because it took him a moment to recover. "Okay," he said, "I'm comin', I'll grab us some drinks."
Ichigo nodded, starting the game up, then settling back against the couch after moving the coffee table to the side so that they could sit on the floor. It was the weekend, so they could probably have one of their movie-nights where they'd lay a blanket down and eat snacks and drink all night.
Renji came over with some hard-lemonade for himself and a beer for Ichigo, plopping down on the couch. His taiyaki were now piled on a paper plate.
Ichigo turned around and looked up at him. It took some gall and the words got stuck in his throat a few times, but he got them out. "You can sit by me," he said, touching his leg, and Renji gave him a look.
"Okay." He got down on the floor next to him and got himself comfortable. Ichigo scootched a little closer, hastily grabbing his controller when Renji started the game with a maniacal laugh. Ichigo smiled a little, enjoying the soothing sound of the pads bouncing the minimalist ball back and forth.
He was to blame for this, Ichigo knew that, but he still wished for just a little bit more. Renji didn't touch him at all, and Ichigo missed it. They still hung out like they used to, but Renji had this newfound superhuman patience and backed off at the slightest intimacy, even if Ichigo just passed too close into his personal space. He was simply adoring him from a greater distance. He was still sweet, but not obviously so. The gestures were smaller, and there was no touching at all.
Ichigo had admitted in the privacy of his mind that he wanted Renji. He had to figure out a way to ask him back, because although he wasn't worried about Renji's patience running thin and him looking for another bed-partner, Ichigo's patience was running thin. As embarrassing as it was, he really wanted Renji to do it to him again. He just didn't want to have to ask. Which sucked, because Ichigo knew that Renji wasn't going to be the one to make the approach. Ichigo would have to do it himself.
Renji was a man of integrity, and Ichigo had basically made him swear not to touch him anymore, and he was keeping his fucking word almost too well. Ichigo missed it. He wanted to ask him to be sweet and nice again, to kiss him and take his clothes off… but without having to say it.
Ichigo wasn't a very bold person in these situations. He didn't enjoy being the center of attention, although he didn't mind confrontation. However, this was the kind of confrontation he didn't want to have. So just walking up to Renji, grabbing his dick, and saying 'fuck me hard' was definitely out. So was showing up naked around the house. He couldn't count on Renji eventually cracking either, because Renji would never crack once he'd gathered his determination and it was too late for that.
Ichigo knew he'd have to instigate this somehow, but he didn't know how to make the first move. God, he really wanted it. He wanted it. He wanted Renji to spread him apart and-
Ichigo shook his head, growling a little. Renji cackled to himself, having made a few scores and asking him what was on his mind. "Nothing, keep going."
Thinking about Renji's dick wasn't the best strategy for winning.
Damnit, Ichigo hated himself. Renji was the pervert, right? He was the one who wanted it. Renji was the one who'd seduced him and opened the door for all this messed up shit. He'd corrupted Ichigo's mind and now he couldn't stop thinking about it.
Now, that wasn't true, and Ichigo knew it, because he had checked Renji out long before any of this had happened. Ichigo sighed, shoulders slumping, head hanging.
So being forward about it was off the table, since he didn't want to, being subtle wouldn't work, and waiting it out wasn't going to work either, so the only option was… nothing. He'd been cornered into being forward, and he didn't know how long his pride could take it before he cracked and begged Renji for it.
Ichigo stared at the carpet miserably.
He was so fucked.
"Hey, whatsa' matter?" Renji finally asked, having racked up five more points than Ichigo at least. He set the game down and let the balls continue to be shot off from the middle of the screen, all of them either missing or rebounding once as he turned to Ichigo with concern. "Are you okay?" Renji's eyes were that warm brown, and he looked really concerned, really caring. Damnit.
Ichigo felt another one of those fucking 'I-love-you' swells in his chest and wanted to scream. Why couldn't that feeling have been there when he'd needed it to be - before he'd chased Renji off?
"I'm okay," Ichigo said reflexively, "I just… I feel… bad… right now," he explained disjointedly, expression small and dismissive, pursing his lips to the side, eyes low.
"Aw, sorry buddy," Renji said sympathetically, but didn't pry. They both had shit to deal with from their pasts, and they'd long since established their bro-bond of, 'do you want to talk about it? Yes? Then, let's talk. No? Okay, we can do somethin' else then until you're feeling okay again.'
Renji touched his shoulder with his palm, patting once, and then slowly moved his arm around his back, rubbing once or twice, settling in. Ichigo moved closer, snuggling down into the ground a little so that his head rested on the corner of Renji's arm, right where it melded into his chest. Renji grabbed another taiyaki and held Ichigo a little bit as Ichigo snaked his arm around his middle. Ichigo tried to look careless, like this wasn't a big deal, but inside, he was on pins and needles. Renji was calm as could be as Ichigo nudged into his arms. They hadn't touched like this in all of a month.
Ichigo looked up to him and told him he was gonna' get him now, grabbing his controller back up, and Renji just smiled affectionately, eyes lidded but not in a smirk or in lust. Ichigo was so sure a kiss was coming, but after a quiet moment, Renji's smile grew on one side, and he blew a piece of hair off of Ichigo's forehead. Ichigo's face burst into flames as Renji broke the eye contact and moved to grab his joystick too.
"Alright. One, two, three, go," Renji said, rebounding the next pellet that was shot at his side. Ichigo was definitely not sulking.
No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no,
This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love.
You're way off base, I won't say it.
Get off my case, I won't say it!
