Around the same time as Two Stories, a nurse tries to seduce House.
This is my minor homage to play/film of the title, one of my personal favorites.
Okay, it's not especially realistic. Best to think of it as a juicy/angsty soap opera.
Sorry about the evil cliffhanger. (Not really!) Part 2 should be ready later today or tomorrow. -atd

"God, they're so disgustingly cute together," Nurse Debbie said.

She was sitting in the cafeteria with two other nurses—Ally and Lindsay—watching House and Cuddy eat lunch a few tables away.

"How long has it been now?" Ally said.

"Almost eight months," Debbie said. "The wonders never cease."

"He's like a different guy around her," Ally said. "He almost seems . . .human."

"What about her?" Lindsay laughed. "It's like, who knew she was capable of smiling?"

"Oh, Dr. Cuddy's not that bad," Ally said.

"She's a bitch," Lindsay said. "She caught me smoking in the nurse's lounge and put me on probation."

"You deserved to be put on probation," Debbie snorted.

"Screw you," Lindsay chuckled.

"Just once, I'd like a guy to look at me the way he looks at her," Ally said, looking at them dreamily.

"He really does seem enchanted, doesn't he?" Debbie said. "He's, like, hanging on her every syllable."

"Give me a break. He's looking down her blouse," Lindsay said.

"You're just jealous," Debbie said.

"I am not," Lindsay said. "I'm just saying. He's a dude. He wants sex. Not meaningful conversation."

"You've always had a thing for Dr. House."

"Yeah, he's hella hot, but so what?" Lindsay said. "That's not the point. The point is: I could bang Dr. House—or any other doctor at this hospital—any time I wanted to, and you both know it."

It was true. Lindsay was what all men—boringly, predictably—wanted. Long golden hair, thin waist, big tits. She'd done a little bathing suit modeling before becoming a nurse.

"Not House," Ally said. "He's obviously a one-woman man."

"Oh please," Lindsay said, watching them. "He's a guy. With a penis. And you have to know she's a total ball-buster. I'm sure there are some times he'd just like a nice, uncomplicated fuck—no strings attached."

"Nuh uh," said Debbie, squinting at them. "He's loyal as a Saint Bernard."

"Care to put a little wager on that?" Lindsay said, grinning.

"What? That you can get House to cheat on Dr. Cuddy? That's not a very sportsmanlike bet."

"According to you, it's impossible anyway," Lindsay said. "Think of it as easy money."

Debbie tilted her head.

"How much?"

"1oo bucks say I can nail him some time in the next month," Lindsay said.

"Not funny, you guys," Ally said.

"Who's joking?" Lindsay said, with sly look.

"You're on," Debbie said, thrusting out her hand.

They shook.

"I seriously want no part of this bet," Ally said, getting up from the table. "You two are gross."

"Killjoy!" Lindsay yelled after her .

And she and Debbie both laughed.

####

"Hi Dr. House."

House was at the front desk, looking through some clinic patient files.

He looked up.

Nurse Lindsay was leaning over him, dressed in a skin tight nurse's uniform, with the top buttons suggestively undone.

His eyes bugged for a moment.

"Hello to you, Nurse. . ."

"Lindsay," she said, smiling flirtatiously.

"Love the uniform, Lindsay. Very Debbie Does Dialysis."

"My patients seem to like it," she said.

"I'm sure they do," he said. He found the file he was looking for, gave her a wink, and started to limp away.

"Dr. House, are you on clinic duty any time today?" she said, following him.

"Umm, right now," he said. "Hence my standing in the clinic and reading these clinicfiles."

"Because I need an appointment," she said.

"What's up?"

"I felt a . . . lump. . . in my breast," she said.

"Just one?" he said, idly. Then he stopped walking, looked at her.

"I'm not an oncologist," he said. "Get a mammogram."

"I just thought maybe you could. . .feel them? Let me know if everything feels good to you?"

She smiled.

He cocked his head, folded his arms.

"Oncology department that way," he said, pointing. "As you well know. As for Dr. James Wilson. He'll be glad to give you a thorough breast exam."

Lindsay pouted her bottom lip a bit.

"But I want you to do it," she said.

"You're adorable," he said, and headed into the exam room.

#####

"Rachel's pre-school called. She threw up," Cuddy said to House.

He was sitting behind his desk.

"Poor kid," he said, sympathetically.

"And . . . I need a favor."

"I'm over qualified," House said. "But I'd suggest Gatorade and Dramamine."

"The thing is, I can't pick her up," Cuddy said.

He frowned.

"Why not?"

"I have a donor meeting in half an hour so I was hoping that maybe you could. . .?"

He gaped at her.

"Oh no. Not me."

"Why not? Who else?"

"Your mother. Your sister. The nanny. Taub."

"But she's sick. I'd rather she was with you."

"I'm not good with sick kids. Or healthy ones either, come to think of it. Besides, it's probably just a virus. There's nothing I can do. And I'm the middle of a vexing case."

He turned to his team.

"What's wrong with our patient?" he bellowed.

"Beats us," Chase said back, with a shrug.

"See?" House said.

Cuddy folded her arms.

"That's why you have a team. So they can take over a case for you when you're gone."

"No, my team is here to help me do my job better. Emphasis on my job."

"You're really not going to help me here," Cuddy said, annoyed.

"I'm here for you when you need me. Right now, you don't need me. Let's save these favors for when it's really necessary."

"You're an ass," she said, and stormed out of the office.

House watched her stomp away.

"That went well," he said, under his breath.

#####

That night, he knocked on her door.

She opened it.

"How's the Mini Cuddy?" he asked.

"She has a fever, not that you care," she said.

"Aww, c'mon. Don't be like that," he said, starting to step inside. "Of course, I care."

She blocked his passageway.

He moved to the side, tried to pass her—and she blocked him again.

"I didn't know we were dancing," he said.

"We're not. Go home, House. I don't want to see you right now," she said.

He looked at her, stunned.

"Because I wouldn't pick Rachel up from day school today?"

"Because of that—and the fact that you never lift a hand around here. You throw your clothing on the floor. You never clean a dish. You put your feet on the coffee table. You act like you have a very expensive maid service."

"Oooh, maid service," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Now you've given me ideas."

"I'm serious, House."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I promise to help make the bed and clear the dishes and not drink directly from the milk carton, okay? Can I come in now?"

"No," she said.

"No?"

"No. Your selfishness has reached a tipping point for me. I needed you today. Rachel needed you today. And, as usual, you weren't there for us."

His mouth dropped open a bit.

"I'm sorry," he said, more sincerely this time. "I fucked up. I can do better."

"Can you?" she said. "Because I really wonder sometimes."

And she slammed the door in his face.

#####

"So how's Operation Seduce House going?" Debbie said teasingly.

She was sitting at a table at Sullivan's with Ally and Lindsay.

Lindsay shrugged.

"Rome wasn't seduced in a day," she said.

"In other words, shot down," Debbie said. "I have my eye on a new pair of shoes that hundred bucks is going to buy me."

"Just laying the groundwork, my friend," Lindsay said confidently. "If it wasn't a challenge, it wouldn't be any fun."

"He's not going to cheat on her," Ally said, taking a sip from her bottle of beer. "He's a man in love."

"You are such a hopeless romantic," Debbie said.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Ally countered.

Lindsay, who was scanning the bar for hot guys, suddenly burst into a huge grin.

"It would seem the seduction gods are smiling on me tonight," she said.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, check out who just bellied up to the bar."

And she gestured to the bar, where House had crumpled onto a stool and ordered a scotch.

"Wow, haven't seen him around here in a while," Ally said.

"And notice who he is NOT with," Lindsay said.

"Dr. Cuddy is way too classy for Sullivan's," Debbie giggled.

"Exactly," Lindsay said, standing up. "I'm going in."

"I really don't think that's a good. . ." Ally started.

But before she could finish her sentence, Lindsay was making her way to the bar.

"May I sit down?" she said, gesturing to the empty seat next to House.

"Do I have a choice?" he replied.

She laughed breezily, sat next to him.

"Did you, uh, get your little situation checked out?" House said.

"Turns out, there are no lumps. My breasts are firm and smooth," Lindsay said.

"Congratulations," he said, taking a chug. He turned away from her, not in the mood to talk.

"Where's Dr. Cuddy?" Lindsay said, ignoring his body language.

"She's home," House said grumpily.

"If you were my man, I'd never let you out of my sight," Lindsay said.

"They made a movie about that once," House said. "It was called Misery."

"I'm just saying, Dr. Cuddy shouldn't make you drink alone."

"We're not exclusively joined at the hip, you know," he said.

"The question is: Are other parts of your bodies exclusively joined?" Lindsay said.

He looked at her.

"Yes, as a matter of fact they are," he said. Then he furrowed his brow. "Why are you hitting on me all of a sudden? Did Dr. Cuddy give you a bad review or something? Getting your little nymphet revenge?"

Lindsay smiled, took a sip from his glass of scotch, which only annoyed him further.

"Nothing like that," she said. "I'm just curious."

"Okay, I'll bite," he said vaguely. "Curious about what?"

She leaned in, "Curious to know if the other parts of your anatomy are as big as your brain."

He scowled.

"Does this kind of dirty talk actually work on some guys?"

"Not some guys, Dr. House," she trilled. "All guys."

"I'm not all guys," he said.

"I'm well aware of that," she said. "I love a challenge."

He stood up. (She was draped all over him to such an extent, he had to physically lift her off him and place her onto her own bar stool.)

"Good luck," he said.

Then as he left, he shouted to the bartender, "Drink's on her."

######

The next night, he showed up at Cuddy's door, this time with flowers.

"Do you forgive me?" he said, charmingly, thrusting them toward her.

Much to his surprise, she didn't take them.

"You think I want flowers?" she said.

"All women want flowers," he said.

"You still don't get it," she said.

"Get what?" he said, already exasperated.

"I don't want empty romantic gestures, I want you to give serious thought to our relationship."

"You're the one who has doubts," he said. "Not me."

"Because you act like we're still in college—just a couple of carefree kids hanging out and having sex together."

"What's wrong with that?"

"An adult relationship is all about commitment."

He folded his arms, stubbornly.

"I literally couldn't be more committed to you," he said.

"But I need to know that you'll be there through thick and thin," she said. "Not just when it's fun and easy."

"I'm sorry I didn't pick Rachel up from school, okay? I told you, I can do better," he said. "Give me a chance."

"No," she said. "I want you to go home and give this some real thought. Ask yourself, is this what I really want? Do I really want to help raise a 3-year-old girl? Do I really want to deal with her upset stomachs and her . . . school pageants and her class trips to the zoo and any of the other things that come with truly being a part of our lives."

"Where is this coming from all of a sudden? I love you. I love Rachel. What did I do that's so wrong?"

"The fact that you don't know just proves you still have some growing up to do, House," Cuddy said.

He stared at her, dumbly.

"So I really can't come in," he said.

"No, not tonight," she said.

"At least take the flowers," he said, shoving them at her.

"I don't want them," she said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

As she closed the door, she said, "And Rachel's fever has broken, not that you asked or cared."

#####

He was well into his fourth scotch at Sullivan's when he looked up and groaned.

"Drinking alone again?" Lindsay said, sidling up next to him.

"That was the idea," he slurred. "Until you came along and ruined everything."

"What's the matter," she said, sympathetically. "Dr. Cuddy being her typical bitchy self?"

"She's not very happy with me right now," he admitted glumly.

"She doesn't know how good she's got it," Lindsay said.

"I agree," he said.

She leaned toward him, boldly put a hand on his inner thigh.

"If you were my man, I'd let you know how much I appreciated you—every night," she whispered.

Her hand moved slowly from his thigh, toward his groan.

He side-eyed her, then chugged the last of his drink, slammed it on the bar.

"Fuck it," he said. "Let's get out of here."

She laughed, triumphantly.

"I thought you'd never ask."

######

To be continued. . .