Winchester Christmases

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Dean studied the room, asking himself where the best place to stick the tree would be. Nothing too fancy, just a medium-sized pine, but Christmas would soon be here and now that the Winchesters had a place to call their own, why not go down the traditional route complete with the all the trimmings, like normal families did.

"What'cha say, Sammy? Over there's the best place to put it, so when we come in out of the cold, it's the first thing we see," he declared enthusiastically, pointing to the corner diagonally opposite the staircase.

Sam shuffled around on the chair, apparently engrossed in his reading and his low unenthusiastic murmur of "Whatever, Dean, Knock yourself out," fell heavily on the older brother's ears, causing him to turn and cock his head speculatively at his younger sibling.

"A little seasonal cheer here, Sammy! You look as if I just proposed we hang, draw and quarter each other, instead of arranging a cosy Christmas Day!"

Sam gave him a quick glance, huffed and averted his eyes. "Sorry Dean. It's...just... well, I've never really been into all this Christmas stuff, and I don't think I ever will, but," he added raising his left hand in a sign of assent."if you're good with it then I am too."

x

"Seriously, Sam. I sometimes wonder about you. You're the one who always wanted normal, and what could be more normal that a place of our own, a tree with a coupla gifts underneath and a Christmas dinner; dinner which by the way, I'm volunteering to cook and present to your lazy relaxed ass on the big day. Man this is 'bout as normal as you can get," Dean finished off, exasperated by his brother's lukewarm response.

x

"You're right, Dean. I'm... a moron, just ignore me. Count me in on the Christmas bandwagon. Tell me what you want me to do and I'll wade right in," Sam volunteered, giving Dean his full attention.

He felt like a dick, pissing on Dean's exuberance, but he honestly didn't get the whole Christmas spirit thing. It was just one of the many holidays that had either been ignored by dad when they were kids, or been crappy all round. It certainly didn't bring back any happy memories for him.

Dean, on the other hand, had always had a thing for Christmas, and had done his best to make young Sam's as nice he could with the 'nothing' they possessed back then, even going to the lengths of stealing presents for him, often with bizarre results.

He felt a smile coming to his face as he remembered unwrapping such gifts and finding a Barbie and a magic wand.

Dean noticed the smile tugging at Sam's lips and quickly jumped in. "Well, man, there must be something good about Christmas despite all your bitching, for a smile usually means that you got at least one good memory. Can I ask what this unicorn was, or is that delving too much into Sam Winchester's privacy?"

x

"So I can't smile now without you reading hidden meanings into it, Dean? What if I was thinking of something else entirely?" Sam declared good-humouredly enough.

"Na, that was a positive Christmas thought, so are you gonna share or not?" Dean smirked, certain to have caught his little brother out.

Sam went to open his mouth and comply when he stopped abruptly; that particular Christmas Day presented too many other implications, and to remind Dean about it meant involving the amulet he had given to his brother all those years ago, and which Dean had thrown away.

He didn't want to rake up the past, not right now when Dean was so enthusiastic about this Christmas stuff.

"Um.. Yeah, I suppose I do have one good memory about Christmas but it's...uh...in the past and that's where it should stay. No point in bringing it up now. You know what? Let's go all out on Christmas this year, Dean," Sam said, changing the subject and pushing back his chair.

"Why don't I go out for supplies? You said we were running low. I'll get decorations and trimmings for the tree too."

x

"Hey," Dean replied, reaching out an arm and grasping Sam's in a vice-like grip.

"There's no way you're gonna get off so lightly. You've got me curious about your happy moment, so spill, dude! If it's happy, how bad can it be? Sometimes you're so confusing, bro. There should have been a hand-book handed out on 'Deciphering Sammy' along with you when you were born. Good job I pick up your tells just the same, even without one!"

"Come on Dean. It's nothing!" Sam repeated as Dean's eyes bored into him, waiting for him to speak.

"Okay, if you must know, I was thinking about the time you stole Christmas presents for me and they turned out to be girly stuff like dolls. So, let go of me, okay." Sam bitched, pulling his arm away as he felt Dean's grip lessen.

"There, that wasn't so hard now, was it?" Dean smirked. "Yeah, I remember that. I broke into this fancy house and stole a couple from under the huge tree. I can still remember your expression when you opened them! You know, maybe I didn't make such a bad mistake after all; sometimes you do act like a prissy princess, Sammy!"

"Whatever," was Sam's curt reply as he made a bee-line for the door. He had to get out, the thought of the amulet had brought back too many memories that were definitely not of the Christmas cheer kind.

"Just where are you running off to?" Dean asked, watching Sam scoot up the stairs as if a Wendigo was on his tail.

"I told you, Dean. we need supplies."

"No we don't; we've got everything we need."

"Okay then. I need some fresh air. Being cooped up in here for hours on end preys on you."

x

"I know why you're running Sam, but you don't have to. Come on down," Dean said unexpectedly.

Sam hesitated, hand gripping the rail, undecided whether to go or stay; if Dean said something hurtful to him right now, he just wouldn't be able to take it.

"Sammy, please come back," Dean repeated softly.

"There's something I've been meaning to say for ages but I never found the right moment. I remember what else happened that Christmas, you gave me a gift and when I tore away the paper, I thought that ugly ass bit of metal was the most beautiful thing on the planet. I loved it, but you know what, it wasn't just the amulet in itself, but the fact that you gave it to me. It made me feel that we had made some kind of vow, a bond of brothers; that we would share everything and always be there for each other.

When I threw it away, I knew exactly what I was doing. I was pissed at you, at everybody, at all the Apocalypse crap,... but Sammy as soon as I did, I regretted it; I was just too proud to fish it back out. I'm sorry Sam. If I could go back and change things, I would do it in a second.

I miss that little horned dude hanging round my neck and I'll never forgive myself for hurting you, when I threw it away.

So you don't have to be afraid of your memory. It was a great one and it was a great one for me too," Dean finished sincerely.

X

"Dean.."

"No, don't say anything, Sammy. There's nothing to add. I said what I had to and I meant every word, so if we gotta go and get supplies, we're going together, cause if I know you, and I do; you're liable to go off and mope for days in some shitty motel room, blaming yourself for every goddam thing you can cook up.

It's Christmas, Sammy. Only positive thoughts are gonna be allowed in this bunker, and in the Impala too, so buckle up and smile!"

Despite himself Sam felt his angsty mood lifting. Dean was right. The past was filled with good and bad, but it was Christmas, and what if he didn't get the Christmas spirit; it was important to Dean. They had done the most extreme things for each other; a little Xmas cheer for the brother he loved, couldn't be such a big sacrifice.

He turned and locked eyes with Dean. "I'll wait in the car then, and we can go do all the Christmassy stuff you want."

"That's my boy," Dean shot back with a shit-eating grin. "And you know what, I'm gonna buy a Barbie and sit her up on the top of the tree, just to remind you how girlie you really are!"

When Sam threw him the bitchiest of faces in his ample repertoire, Dean understood that this Christmas, might just turn out to be the best one ever.

X

x

A tall figure crept soundlessly into the library and placed a small square box underneath the sparkling tree.

Tomorrow was Christmas Day and so much had happened since the day two young boys had exchanged gifts in a shabby motel room, yet here they were, still together, still butting heads, still hunting, still too bound to each other to contemplate separate lives.

Sam pushed any negative thoughts from his mind. He vowed that tomorrow he would do his damnest to make their first real Christmas together, the best ever.

He wanted to see his brother's jaw ache from all the smiling and laughter Sam would provoke.

Satisfied, he padded back to bed and fell into a dreamless sleep, which for Sam Winchester was a little Christmas miracle all of its own.

X

The end