Disclaimer: I don't own Squall or Seifer or Final Fantasy VIII
Pairings: Squall/Seifer (One sided) Zell/Seifer Squall/Rinoa
Warnings: Shounen ai, M/M, language
Summary: Seifer and Squall have been having casual sex for over 6 months. Seifer confesses to Squall that he loves him, but Squall rejects him saying that it was only sex to him. How will Seifer cope with this? Is there anyone who can mend his broken heart?
Author's Notes: It's me again with yet another fic. I know I know, I need to work on my other fics... and I will.. this is just to help me get over writers block for the ones I'm currently working on. Anyway, reviews are always welcome. This idea was also inspired by another story I read. It was good actually. So, that's where this story came from. And I hope it's good. Please read and review.
This is Seifer's Pov.
Please enjoy
..::Too Late::.
See, it's like this; I have always felt something for my rival, Squall Leonhart. I was always trying to get his attention. And really, it wasn't hard for me to do. He would always react to me, and I think that's why I kept doing it.
The first time we kissed, we were in the training center, having a friendly spar. And, we were both sweaty and panting for breath. He looked sexy with sweat glistening off of his pale skin. And I just couldn't help myself and I kissed him. And it just progressed from there. Often we would find ourselves making out in his room. His kisses were sweet and his lips were soft.
The first time we had sex, we were in his room. I had initiated it of course, but he didn't object. In fact, he seemed to really want it, too. Hyne, it was great. I had let him top me, as I didn't really care much. I mean, I'm not opposed to letting him do it to me. And, well, he was actually good at it.
Anyway, it all went on from there. This had been going on for six months. I knew my feelings for him ran deeper than just a casual thing, which was what it was supposed to be in the first place.
Then the last time we had sex, I had said it. I was starting my orgasm and I just blurted it out. "I Love you, Squall." And the it hit me, hard. He never said it back to me, though. He just finished and came inside of me He never did say it back. Hell, he acted like he never even heard me say it. It was like he was unaffected by what I said.
Initially, I had thought he didn't hear me. Well, you know we were in the midst of our passion at the time, so I didn't think anything of it at first. So, I went looking for him a few days later, and I found him in the training center. He was bent over a little, out of breath.
I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, startling him for a moment. Then he stood straight, and turned to face me. The look on his face was one that I couldn't describe; it was different than his usual looks. "Squall, is something bothering you?" I decided to ask him, knowing that there was something from the way he was acting towards me.
"No," was the only answer he gave me, making me frown. He sheathed his gunblade and placed it at his side.
He was looking so good and I just wanted to kiss him, so I did, surprising him for a split second, until the initial shock wore off and he was kissing me back. I broke away from the kiss and decided that I would say it again. "I love you, Squall." The look he gave me was not what I was expecting.
"What?" I saw his jaw clenched tight.
I gave him a look back. "I said that I love you."
Then his eyes narrowed. "Seifer... no, you don't." He shook his head, making me frown more.
"What the hell do you mean?"
"You don't love me, Seifer," he said this more firmly, and I just stared at him.
"How the hell can you tell me what I do or don't feel for you? Of course I love you," I snapped at him, feeling angry and hurt that he would say that.
He growled, fists clenched. "We are just fucking, Seifer. That's all."
That made me more angry. "What?"
"Seifer, I don't love you. I thought you knew that this was just casual. That's all it ever was between us," the brunet told me. "I am not even gay."
I was hurt. "Bullshit, Squall," I snapped. "Guys don't just fuck other guys. Correct me if I'm wrong, but straight guys don't usually fuck other men."
He narrowed his eyes in anger at me, and snapped back in return. "Whatever." He turned around, facing away from me. "I am straight. We were just having some fun. That's what guys do. That's all it was."
I gaped at him. How the hell could he say that? I knew I was pissed and hurt. But I really didn't know what to say. Nothing came to my mind. I just stared at him for a moment, mumbled some angry curses his way, then turned around and stalked out of there before I did something I might regret later.
I knew the look on my face was angry, and for that, people steered clear of me. They moved out of my way when I walk past them, shooting me looks. I didn't give a fuck; I was too angry right now. Angry and hurt. I couldn't believe that damn Leonhart, saying that shit to me.
"Seifer?" I snapped out of my thoughts, staring at chicken-wuss. Great. I really didn't want to deal with him right now, or anyone for that matter. It wasn't that I didn't like Zell; I did. I was just too angry to talk to anyone right now.
"Not now, chicken-wuss. I'm not in the mood." I saw his smile fall in a frown.
"What's wrong, Seifer?" He gave me a concerned look, and I shook my head.
"Nothing, Dincht," I said, sighing.
He didn't looked like he believed me. He placed a hand on my shoulder, causing me to give him a weird look, but I didn't shrug it off. I don't know why I didn't. "Seifer?"Zell knew that I was gay and was fooling around with someone, but he didn't know who it was. I was fine with that and I didn't care that he knew, but Squall didn't want anyone to know what he was doing.
Squall had never wanted anyone to know what he was doing and I never told anybody. I never understood why he didn't want people to know, but now I do. But, I wasn't going to say anything. But, with the facial expressions I'm having, I knew Zell could tell that I was upset about something. I was never good at hiding when I was pissed.
"It's nothing, Zell," I told him, giving him what I thought was a convincing smile. But he didn't return it, looking at me with this look, and I couldn't quite interpret what it meant. But, I shook it off.
He nodded slowly, releasing my shoulder. "Where are ya headed?"
I just shrugged. I hadn't really thought passed leaving the training center. "I don't know. My dorm I guess."
"Hm," the younger man hummed. "How about we go to the cafeteria? The others should be there." He smiled at me, grabbing my arm before I could protest.
"Chicken," I growled, trying to tug my arm back, but he was actually pretty strong. We got our food and sat at the table with the rest of the group... except for Squall of course. But that didn't surprise me. I sighed and sat down.
"Heya, guys!" Selphie Tilmitt chirped as soon as we sat down.
"Hn," I just grunted and tried to eat my food. I was particularly hungry, though.
"Hey!" Dincht said back grinning at her and munching on his hot dogs.
She was sitting by Irvine and I was sitting beside Quistis Trepe and Zell. "How are you today, Seifer?" she decided to ask me.
"Fine," was the only answer I supplied her with, not feeling up to talking. I noticed the group frowning at me. "What?"
"Something's wrong." Selphie stated more than asked, and I just stared. "What is it, Seify?"
"Nothing is wrong," I said, shaking my head. I knew she could tell I was lying.
"Uh huh.." She trailed off, looking at me.
I looked away from them and focused on my food. I didn't wanna talk about it. "Guys, Leave him alone. He obviously doesn't want to talk about it." Zell was the one who spoke up, and I gave him a grateful look. I knew there was a reason I liked him.
"Aw," the short brunet girl pouted. "But I wanna help."
I shook my head and glanced up, only to stop as I watch Squall walking towards us. I don't think anyone else saw the look I was sporting.
"Hi, Squally!" She waved at him.
Squall nodded to her and finally met my eyes, and I frowned once again. Dammit. Why did he have to do this to me? Suddenly, I'm not in the mood to be here anymore. "I'm gonna go." I stood up.
"Wait! What? We just got here a few minutes ago." the hyper boy gave me a confused look, as if asking why I suddenly wanted to leave. He shot a look back over to Squall and then to me, and I knew by the look on his face, that he could tell that Squall had something to do with it.
I clenched my jaw, trying to act cool, but failing. "I know. But I'm not really hungry." With that, I walked off, not looking back to see their faces at my not so subtle departure.
Squall sat down and everyone looked at him, which he just returned. "What?"
"What the hell was that about?" Irvine asked, cocking his head to the side.
I angrily shoved my hands into my pocket and stormed down the hallway. I fucking hated this. Dammit. Why did he have to have such an effect on me? I just waned to break down, cry, scream, break something. I didn't know. But this was getting to me. I hated feeling like this. I felt weak and pathetic pining for a guy who had made it pretty clear that those times had meant nothing to him. And, that's what hurt. It meant everything to me.
All those nights we were together.
"Seifer!" a voice called out to me, but I still didn't stop, I just kept on walking, too involved with my own emotions. I didn't care, I just wanted to go to my dorm, maybe curl myself up and just let it all out. I never knew it would hurt so much.
"Hyne, Seifer!" was heard again, louder this time, making me stop, but I still didn't turn around to face him. "Man, what's wrong?"
I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to think about it. I just wanted to get to my room before I decided to break down out there in the open hallway. That wouldn't do good me any good. But I knew it was only a matter of time before I finally let it all sink in and I let myself fall.
"Seifer?" Zell questioned, getting in my personal space, not expecting him to be that close. But I had noticed he was always getting close to me, but I didn't t think anything of it. "Are you okay, man? You just bolted out of there fast."
I could feel myself losing my self control. "Zell... I..."
"Come on. Let's go to my room too talk," he suggested, pulling me along, and I found myself not wanting to protest. Zell was showing genuine concern for me, and it was a good feeling.
We arrived at his dorm and he let me go in first then he followed right after me, shutting the door softly behind him."So.. wanna tell me what the hell that was all about in the cafeteria?" Zell asked as soon as we were seat on his couch.
No, I didn't. I sighed. "It has to do with Squall..." It was a statement not a question.
I shot him a wide eyed look, mouth agape. "Why would you think that?"
He just gave me a seriously look and rolled his eyes. "Seifer... I noticed the way you look at him and I know you like him." Zell frowned, and an odd look passed his features. "And the way you ran out of the cafeteria.."
"I didn't run," I defended myself, crossing my arms.
"You did," the tattooed boy affirmed, nodding. "Talk to me," he added gently.
"It's not really a big deal," I mumbled, knowing I was lying.
"Seifer, please. I know something's bothering you." The shorter blond gave me a knowing look, and I sighed.
"You're right," I conceded. "There is something bothering me and it's Squall." I said it before I could talk myself out of it. I felt the beginnings of tears in my eyes but I tried in vain to hold them in. I did not want to cry...especially in front of Zell. I didn't wanna make myself look stupid.
"I knew that was the reason." He looked pleased that he had figured it out, but stopped hen he noticed my eyes. His eyes grew wide. He was obviously shocked by this. It wasn't often that I cried, so it was a rare thing. This affected me pretty bad and Zell must have realized that. He had never seem me cry before. "What happened?"
I shut my eyes, taking a breath then opened them again and decided to tell him. He wouldn't leave me alone now that he knew anyway. "Well... you know I'm gay." He nodded and I continued. "Well, the person I was sleeping with-"
"No...no.." Zell kept saying, eyes growing impossibly wide. I knew this would shock him. Hell, msot people never expected the Commander to sleep with another guy. "You're saying you slept with Squall?"
I gave him a nod. "Yeah." He gave me a look the could of resembled one of hurt. Why would he be hurt? I cocked my head to the side.
"Then... what happened?"
"I told him I loved him and he said it was just sex to him." I felt some tears sliding down my tanned cheeks as it finally hit me.
"What?!" Zell gasped, the noticed I had tears in my eyes. "Oh Hyne, Seifer...that asshole." He pulled me into his arms, which I accepted. I let more tears fall."Why did you tell me?"
I sniffled and spoke up. "He didn't want anyone to know what we were doing. He told me he wasn't gay when I told him I loved him." I explained more to him so he would better understand. I saw his face take an angry turn.
He scoffed. "Not gay? Um, sorry to say, but straight guys don't normally sleep with other guys, you know?"
I had to laugh at that. "That's what I said." I felt him squeeze me a little tighter. I glanced up at him, confused at the look he as giving me. He was giving me this look again, a look I didn't understand. Why was he always looking at me like that?
"He's an asshole," the shorter man growled. I nodded in agreement. "I mean, how cold can a person get?"
I was shocked by his outburst and all I could do was stare. I wiped at my eyes and sat up a little, his arm still around my waist. I sighed and nodded.
"It's no wonder he's always single," Zell continued to rant. He stopped and looked over at me."I'm sorry."
I just shrugged. "It's fine." I bit my lip to keep the tears in, not waning to cry anymore..
"Seifer.." He stared at me for a moment. He held me closer, running his hands though my hair, and I sighed and the motion, feeling strangely relaxed. Before I knew what was happening, I felt a pair of soft lips on mine. I was too stunned to do anything at first, not expecting this turn of events. Finally, before I knew what I was doing, I felt myself respond. He seemed happy with this and slipped his tongue into my mouth and I moaned lowly. This caused him to hold me tighter. My eyes were closed and I was not thinking.
Why would Zell be kissing me? I really didn't gt it. I never had suspected he liked me... or was it going to be like it was with Squall? At this, I break the kiss and stand up, glaring. "I am not someone you can use Dincht."
"Wh-what?" Zell stood too, eyes wide.
"I know what you're doing," I accused hotly. "You're trying to take advantage of me!"
"I am not!" The other blond denied. "Seifer, I wouldn't do that to you."
I felt more tears coming to my eyes. "Yeah. Just like Squall wouldn't either?"
"Seifer! Stop that. You know that's not what I'm doing!" He advanced towards me.
"Then what?"
"I like you, Seifer. More than I thought I would."
I gaped at him. When he pulled me back into his arms, I didn't object and when he gave me another kiss, I didn't stop it. I just let my mind go blank as I enjoyed the kiss Zell gave me.
I saw Squall walk up to the front of the lunchroom and get his food.
"Seifer, aren't you gonna eat?" Zell asked me, slinging his arm over my shoulder.
"Yeah." I smiled and started eating. I was feeling happy than I have in a while. Squall!" I called him over to where we were sitting and I saw him come towards us narrow his eyes at Zell.
Zell's eyes narrowed when the brunet came over to us, squeezing my shoulder possessively. "Hello, Squall."
He just nodded to us. "Hi." He sat down. It was silent for a few moments before he broke it. "So.. you and Zell?"
His questioned startled me. "Well.. yeah." I nodded.
"How long?" was his next query.
"A few weeks," Zell was the one who answered, glaring at him.
"Hm, so how are you and Rinoa?" I asked, having seen them together before.
"Fine," was all he answered with. He frowned. Squall had been seeing Rinoa ever since he and I had ended it. Squall was giving me this look and I frowned, feeling uncomfortable with the way he was staring at me. I had never seen the brunet look at me like that before, it was weird.
Zell, noticing this, frowned. He was jealous.
"We're going out tonight," Squall mentioned to us. "And she wanted me to ask you guys if you would like to come?"
I thought about it. I really had no desire to go out with them. I just wanted to stay in and spend time with Zell. Zell apparently had the same thoughts as I did. He shook his head. "Nah. Think we'll just stay in and watch a movie."
I nodded my head, agreeing with that. "Yeah."
"Hm," Squall eyed me up and down, eliciting a growl from the martial artist. He looked away. "Whatever." He shrugged.
"Where are you going?" I asked just to know.
"I don't know. She hasn't told me yet. Probably out to eat, or maybe this club she likes."
"Oh," I shake my head. I saw Squall staring at me again.
Zell gave a humorous laugh. "Squall... you're stupid." I gaped at this. Where the hell did that come from?
Squall looked up sharply and glared. "The hell does that mean?"
"Just like I said, you're stupid for letting Seifer go." My eyes go wide and I stare incredulously.
"I am not gay!" Squall snapped out, glaring heatedly.
"So you say," Zell drawled. "You must think I don't see it. The constant looks, the stares."
"I don't fucking stare. Shut the hell up, Dincht," Squall hissed.
"Any smart person wouldn't let someone like Seifer go." I felt myself blush at that.
"I told you I'm not gay." But his voice sounded weaker than it was.
"Yeah right. Well, it doesn't matter," the young man said. "You don't deserve someone like him anyway." Zell smiled over at me. "Come on. I'm finished eating."
All I could manage was a nod as I stood up and walked out of the cafeteria with my boyfriend. I could feel Squall's eyes on me as we retreated. Like Zell said; it didn't matter anymore. I had someone who seemed to genuinely love me.
What happened with Squall was in the past and I had gotten over it. I was happy now. For Squall, it was too late.
{Complete}
Author's Note: Hey. I finally finished writing this. Once I got started writing this, I just couldn't seem to stop until it was done. Anyway, this one is complete. However, I can add a sequel if anyone would like one. I already have an idea in mind. Reviews are welcome and appreciated.
