October 2016
Charles
Brize Norton on a cold wet October morning and a sense of deja vue swept over him, together with a sense of the inevitability of fate. Oh, there were differences to the last time, he was the battle casualty replacement this time and she was the accepted member of the team, but even so, Molly Dawes, the girl who, three years ago, had single handedly taken his life and smashed it into little pieces then walked away without a backward glance and he loathed her.
She looked just the same, her hair was maybe a bit shorter as she had lost that heavy plait, but apart from that she was still the girl he had fallen in love with in Afghan, the girl he had sat and waited for in a restaurant in Bath, waited for long after it became obvious that she wasn't going to show, still the girl he had texted frantically, worried that something had happened to her, until in the end she had replied with one word "Sorry", then promptly changed her mobile phone number so that he couldn't contact her again. She was still the girl he had seen at Smurf's funeral, the girl who had avoided all eye contact with him all afternoon, leaving him raw and in pain, still the girl who had never bothered to say why she had done it, and he was going to be working with her for six months. He had thought that the anger and the raw pain had gone, that time had taken care of them, but he knew that he would never be able to totally forgive and forget and that somewhere under his hard outer shell, he was still a bit hurt.
He watched through the terminal window as they waited for the cameraman to arrive and set up the pre-deployment photo shoot and waited for the nod from Beck to join him on the tarmac. Beck was chatting with her and some of the other members of the troop, a couple of which were familiar faces, and he wondered whether Beck was filling them in on Colin Norman's heart attack and the consequences, but on the whole he didn't think so, they were laughing and Colin's illness was no joke, no matter how big a bitch you are.
This was his first active service since that tour in Afghan and he was both nervous and excited. His injuries had been severe and the rehab had taken a lifetime but he was finally passed fit at the end of last year. He had spent the last twelve months doing refresher courses, getting his fitness back, doing a temporary desk job and being bored shitless while he waited to get his life back. That had happened two days ago when Beck had called him following Colin's coronary on the squash court and offered him the chance to deploy to the Syrian/Turkish border and he had jumped at it, of course he had.
He joined Beck who explained the circumstances to the assembled men and girls and introduced him as a very experienced Major who was probably known to some of them already and who was available at short notice because he had recently recovered from a severe battle injury sustained in Afghan and how lucky they were to have him. Charles looked along the assembled soldiers and nodded and smiled at those he already knew, who all looked gratifyingly pleased to see him and and then allowed his eyes to pass over Molly with an indifferent nod, although he couldn't help noticing, and enjoying, the look of absolute abject horror on her face.
They were bound for a highly volatile and dangerous area. Full of Syrian refugees and maybe even more than a few Islamic State terrorists and they would have the role of policing and keeping the area as stable as they could. It was not strictly a war zone as there was not supposedly any 'boots on the ground' in the conflict, well not as yet anyway, so it was complicated and challenging and he couldn't wait to do the job he was good at and that he had missed so much, but it was by far the largest group he had ever taken on tour, some 100 odd squaddies broken into 4 sections, 12 NCOs and eight medics and he was more than a bit worried about being ring rusty and because of the circumstances, had had no time to prepare. Beck's answer to that had been "In at the deep end, plan as you go and you'll be okay. I have every faith in you and you'll have a good team, so just get in there!"
There was time before they boarded for Beck to introduce him to the NCOs and to his surprise she was one of them. He nodded at her as he addressed her as Private Dawes not noticing the stripe on her arm, and Beck had jumped in with "Lance Corporal Dawes, now, Major" which had forced him to acknowledge her promotion, albeit with very tight lips. She had responded with an acknowledgment of his own new rank but instead of having tight lips, he had the deja vue impression that she was laughing inside. His reaction this time was granite hard resolve of 'Oh no you don't lady, not again!' as he moved on to meet and greet some of the others, both those that were known to him and those that weren't, and including the other medics, all of whom were girls. One of them called Izzy was particularly attractive, tall and slim with blonde hair, the opposite of Molly, and for a moment he was tempted to smile into her eyes, but he was unsure of his motives and anyway, he smiled to himself, how did the saying go?…been there… done that …definitely don't want another T shirt….
Molly
I knew about the Boss's heart attack, we have all been joking with him for ages about how his dodgy habits of eating burgers and chips every day, smoking like a chimney and losing his rag with some of the squaddies, and then playing squash of all things, was a "heart attack waiting to happen" but I never really thought it would happen, or not for years anyway. He used to call me the 'health gestapo'. Why am I talking about him as if he's dead?, he's going to make a full recovery, course he is.
I have had my stripe for a couple of months now and am dead proud of myself, although I find it difficult to be the boss, especially as one of the girls, Izzy, is quite mouthy and does that 'yes, no, three bags full' act that I used to do with the Boss in Afghan. I find it difficult cos she reminds me of me, although she don't look anything like me. I keep wanting to tell her that you can't kid a kidder, and that I could teach her a thing or two about being bolshie and getting away with it! She's a blonde, very slim and pretty, and miles taller than me, which makes it hard when I am bollocking her as I have to stretch me neck to look at her face, it would be easier if I could have a box to stand on! I try not to bollock people if I can help it, it really isn't me, although I think some of the lads would disagree cos they seem to think I am a right old Sergeant Major, but I don't think so. I am working very hard on me swearing cos I heard someone say I was very pretty, shame about me potty mouth!
We are off to Syria or Turkey, one or the other, apparently it's quite hard to tell where the border is, to run a sort of local keeping the peace sort of thing cos it's not a war zone, or not for us it isn't, or at least until the bloody politicians say something different. I feel a bit sorry for the new Major, I know what it's like to be a last minute replacement and not know anyone and there are a lot of us, so it's going to be hard for him to sort everyone out in his head.
Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck. I know I'm supposed to be giving up swearing but no other word will do. I want to be struck down with something horrible, anything will do, Ebola, Malaria, a heart attack, I'm not fussy just as long as it gets me out of here right now! I haven't seen him since Smurf's funeral and before that in a hospital bed in Birmingham and my heart is pounding. Oh, I don't love him anymore or anything like that, that was over years ago, it's just the shock of him appearing like that and the thought of having to work with him for months when I've managed to forget him and what I did.
I will always feel a bit guilty about what I did, but I was so out of my depth that I didn't know what else to do. Everything was running away from me and I couldn't stop it. As I tried to explain to my mum, when I was on tour everything seemed possible, Bashira, everything and him! I had had a crush on him for months, I adored him, and I had been terrified when I thought he was going to die, then he started to get better and he started to talk about us being together and said he was resigning his commission and I was shit scared, I hadn't thought it through at all, I really panicked. All I'd wanted to do was be with him, sleep with him if I'm honest, but he's a lot older than me, and he's very posh and he's loaded, and he speaks proper and he told me he lived in this really nice house and everything, and lets face it, I am none of them things so I knew we would never be, like equals, it would always be like he was in charge and I would have to spend me time being well, not grateful exactly, but always doing what he said and I couldn't do it. I would have been acting all the time and that's wrong, so it was as if I'd woken up from a dream. And I knew that everything that had gone to shit in Afghan had been my fault, all of it and it didn't matter how often he told me it weren't I knew it was and if he resigned his commission he would have nothing left cos I knew by that time that I couldn't stay with him. But I should have explained it to him, not just stood him up! I knew if I tried to explain it to him, he would have swept it all away, made everything seem possible again when I knew it weren't, so I ran away from him, changed me sim card and everything. I should have told him after Smurf's funeral but he looked so ill and unhappy that I was scared I would end up back with him again and that that would be the wrong thing to do.
So I went back to Afghan and tried to put him to the back of my mind and I did and then I sort of forgot him, haven't thought about him for months, until now! I nodded hello and called him Major and almost laughed when I remembered what he used to say about Lady Luck and I wondered where the fuck she was when you needed her1
Authors notes: Trying something totally different which is based long after the other stories. I have been working away on this for some time In short breaks from the others and have now finished it so decided to upload it to see what you think. Reviews will be very welcome, please be kind. Dear Diary and Just a crush are continuing as usual.
