Title: When Hell Freezes Over

Disclaimer: I don't own anything about the show.

Chapter One

I forcefully stab the undressed lettuce and tomatoes comprising of my salad, miserable. Under Alison's watchful eye at lunch, she swats my hand away from the salad dressing. "Unnecessary consumption," she warns me. Now, I'm eyeing the paprika covered curly fries on Alison's plate I'm sure is growing colder by the minute. She notices, then rolls her eyes.

"Do you wanna be thin, Hefty Hanna, or what?"

I sigh, defeated. "You know I do."

"Then you need to make some changes."

"Okay...what kind of changes?"

"Well, for starters, stop eyeing my fries. Do you know what fries are? Deep-fried heart attacks. They're disgusting."

"I'm trying, Alison," I plead.

"Obviously not hard enough," she comments, pinching my love handles. "Who's going to want you now?"

"Secondly, get off your freakin' lazy ass. I know what you do when you go home. You watch Jersey Shore reruns. Lame." She ticks off another finger.

I shrug. "I like Jersey Shore."

"Thirdly," and at this point Alison has an evil gleam in her eye, "ditch that loser you're so fond of. What's his face?"

"You know his name. It's Lucas. We've been friends for a long time. I can't just ditch him."

"Well then," Alison stands. "I think we're done here. You're obviously not taking me seriously."

"I swear I am, Alison. You're the only one who can help. Please."

She looks past me at the door, impatiently.

Without hesitation I promise. "Hell will freeze over before I see Lucas."

"Fine," she snaps. "Meet me outside my house at four..."

Alison lifts a strand of my frizzy blonde hair with her pencil. "We have some serious work to do."

As Lucas walks past the table, Alison tips over her tray onto his crotch, and laughs. Her laugh has a tinge of cruelty, reminiscent of Disney's Cruella de Vil. Her laughter grows in volume, but it's probably that the entire cafeteria has now joined in. Lucas' face grows hot with embarrassment, looking down at me. Under normal circumstances I would defend him. These weren't normal circumstances.

I stand, ignoring his pain, to indifferently hand him a single sheet of Kleenex. As if experiencing an out of body moment, I listen to the click, click, click of Alison's heels as we walk away. It's my last interaction with Lucas until Alison's disappearance four months later.