Naru: (Walks into the room and looks around to see Lee3 nowhere in sight)
Yeah, he's still gone! One year and counting, my heaven, my heaven (falls through a trap door) MY HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLL!
Lee3: (lets go of the rope and looks at the fourth wall) Hi everyone, judging by the hits I guess you all loved that song-fic parody I wrote.
Angry Reader: IT SUCKED (throws a wrench and misses)!
Lee3: Well, in the first two weeks that song-fic had more hits than my first two fics had in their first year of being posted.
Angry Reader: THEY SUCKED TOO!
Lee3: Well maybe so, but this sequel might be better. At least give a chance.
All Readers: WHY SHOULD WE?
Lee3: (looks to his left) Come on out.
(Hanku shows up and the readers gasp)
Hanku: (waves) Hi.
All Readers: (freak) OH MY GOD!
Hanku: Didn't expect this.
Lee3: Hanku gave me permission to use his character for this sequel.
Naru: (from underground) NNNOOOOOOOOO!
Hanku: Looks like we're a double threat.
Motoko: (from behind) NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO (gets shot by Lee3)!
Lee3: Expect a lot of shootings, especially when the "Negima" characters make an appearance. Now it's time to start the disclaimer. I don't own any of the "Love Hina" characters, if I did Keitaro would have humped Naru instead of Gidget.
I don't own Hanku, Hanku owns Hanku.
Hanku: Don't you think that was a bit redundant?
Lee3: Sort of. By the way, this takes place a few months after Book 14. In other words, KEITARO AND NARU'S WEDDING IS STILL FOUR YEARS AWAY! I do own Katherine, Kathy and Renegade IV (takes deep breaths). Okay, here we go and please don't suck.
Lee3 & Hanku: RUN IT!
He Returns
One year and six months have passed since the Hinata incident and everyone's favorite Self Insertion character (more like most hated, violent and disturbing) is in his own dimension, in his hometown, in his home conversing with a hooded spirit.
Lee: Did you get that X?
X: (stoic) Damn, you already wanna start out with a prank as soon as you get back to Hinata House. You sure don't waste any time.
Lee: Remember, I'm not going alone this time.
X: Right, that Southern dude…how are you gonna get him there anyway?
Lee: (smirks) You leave that to me. All you need to do is play the charlatan.
X: I'm on it (teleports away).
(Lee walks to his computer and pulls up his email and does some stupid "Power Rangers"/"VR Troopers" pose.)
Lee: Cyberspace (a white and red skin tight suit takes the place of Lee's clothes)! I haven't used this old thing since that "VR Troopers" craze ten years ago (he hits the send button and then leaps into the computer).
(A.N.: THIS IS NOT A CHAT ROOM SCENE!)
(Dallas, Texas)
: (Looks at his email) Hey, I got email (checks his inbox and half of Lee's body pops out of the screen). WHOA (falls backwards)!
Lee: Hey Hanku (squirms his way out of the computer), you ready?
Hanku: (gets up) What's with the suit?
Lee: I just thought it looked cool (reverts back into his regular clothes).
Hanku: You looked like an idiot. (grabs his green duffel bag and his samurai sword)
Lee: Let's go (grabs Hanku's shoulder and they both teleported out of their dimension)!
(Five minutes and one fuck up later)
The two Americans reached the beach of Okinawa or to be exact "fell" onto the beach of Okinawa.
Hanku: Ow, I landed on my head!
Lee: If your author let's mine put you in any more of his fics after this one you'll get used to it.
Hanku: (Makes the "What the Fuck" face) Get used to it? This happens to you all the time!
Lee: Yes, and this is your second time right?
Hanku: Don't remind me. I can't believe falling 300 ft. and landing on something always happens to him. Where are we, and are we in the right dimension this time?
(A.N.: Hanku also gave me permission to use his character in a Soul Caliber 2 fic, which takes place a few months before this one. I'm taking a break from it to write this fic, but I will finish it.)
Lee: (annoyed) First of all: yes, we are in the right dimension and second Okinawa.
Hanku: Really how do you know?
Lee: Because I just saw Mutsumi's idiot mother get hit by another ship (points to a bleeding Natsumi).
Hanku: (sees Natsumi revive and looks away) So, are you gonna teleport us to Hinata House?
Lee: I could, but where's the fun in that (walks to the ocean with Hanku following close behind)?
Hanku: We could fly there you know.
Lee: Too clichéd, I want to travel by ocean since I haven't done that in eight years.
Hanku: (smirks) I'm sensing your sense of adventure, so what are we traveling in?
Lee: (points to the ocean and a blue Jet-ski appears) This Jet-ski I created (Hanku face-faults and falls).
Hanku: (pissed) YOU DUMBASS, THIS ISN'T THE X-GAMES OR "WAVERACE"!
Lee: (gets on the jet-ski) I thought you were sensing my sense of adventure, don't tell me you got lost in less than 20 seconds.
Hanku: I didn't get lost, but c'mon man…a Jet Ski?
Lee: Didn't your parents ever tell you that looks can be deceiving?
Hanku: They also taught me about getting only one chance to make a first impression.
Lee: Well here is a lesson I'll teach you (sound demonic), don't ever underestimate my creations…NOW GET ON (Hanku complies a Lee starts the engine and they take off across the water)!
Hanku: (Not impressed) I'm still don't see (Lee accelerates to NASCAR speeds) HELLO!
Lee: (almost pissed off) Does this impress you?
Hanku: Yeah (notices Lee pull out a cell phone). Who are you calling?
Lee: (dials the numbers) Keitaro…it's prank related.
(Hinata House: 37 minutes ago)
Ah, Hinata House an all girls dormitory full of sweet, loving ah fuck it! It contains a Scandalous Ho, two Bitches with anger issues, a Prankster Princess, a chick who needs Ritalin, the occasional visit from a Dumbass and Bitchy Aunt, a shy girl who is the only semi normal one and the fuckin' pussy who runs it all.
Now normally Keitaro would be flying through a window right now, but lately Naru has been treating him like a person. Everything seems quiet, but in a few seconds, the haywire begins again and it all starts with a knock at the door.
(A knock is heard)
Keitaro: I got it (walks to the front door and opens it to discover a 6'8" hooded figure with glowing red eyes, which are the only things visible and are scaring Keitaro some)! GUYS (the girls ran to the front door ready to fight)!
Motoko: What's wrong (sees X)? DIE DEMON (charges at X, but he grabbed her sword and punched her hard in the stomach leaving her barely conscious)!
X: (emotionless) Excuse me, I was wondering if I could stay here until my master arrives.
(A.N.: X severed his emotions when he was a child, mainly because he was always alone.)
Keitaro: Who is your master?
X: I believe you all know who he is since he was the only Black guy you've all had in this dorm.
Naru: (shocked) LEE IS YOUR MASTER, THEN WHO ARE YOU!
X: I'm simply known as X.
Naru: (smirks) That's a dumb name.
X: (sarcastic while emotionless) Yeah and Naru is a good name.
Kitsune: How did…?
X: Let's just say I've been here before (walks in and sits on the couch).
Kitsune: (whispers) It's Lee.
Keitaro: How can you tell?
Kitsune: Use your head, Lee always punks us, and throw in his counter attack against Motoko and his stoicism.
Naru: (speaks aloud) That's a good claim and premises but how do we know if it's Lee or not?
X: Hey, I'm not Lee you dumb fucks!
Naru: It's him.
X: Damn they're dumb.
Shinobu: Maybe it's not Lee, maybe it's someone that's not human.
Naru: Shinobu, Lee was not human.
Sarah: That was mean.
Naru: But it's accurate.
Su: (being as hyper as ever) I've got something that could determine the identity of our mystery man, I'll see you guys in bit (runs to her room).
The residents were contemplating ways to expose X (if that's possible), but before they actually came up with a plan the phone rang.
Keitaro: (answers the phone) Hello?
Lee: Yo K-Dawg.
Keitaro: Lee?
Lee: (sarcastic) No, it's Haitani of course it's me you idiot! I'm back in town, I'm going to Tokyo and then I'm coming to you.
Keitaro: Tokyo…OH MY GOD!
Lee: (holding his ears) OW! WHAT THE HELL MAN!
Keitaro: I forgot that Kanako is coming back today, AT THE TOKYO AIRPORT!
Lee: I'm going to assume that you want us to go get her.
Keitaro: Will you please? I have someone here and I can't get away right now.
Lee: Is that X?
Keitaro: (quizzical) Yes.
Lee: Tell him I'll be there soon (hangs up). Fuckin' spaz.
Keitaro: (hangs up the phone) Did he say us?
Kitsune: (appears out of nowhere) Who was it?
Keitaro: That was Lee and he is going to pick up Kanako at the airport.
Naru: (pissed) You idiot, that wasn't Lee that was a clone sent by Lee to throw us off.
Shinobu: Maybe that really was Lee.
Sarah: Sorry Shinobu, but I'm going to agree with Naru on this one.
X: Got you.
(Back in the ocean heading towards Tokyo)
Hanku: So let me get this straight, because of Keitaro's forgetfulness we now have to pick up Kanako at the airport.
Lee: Is that a problem?
Hanku: Not really, but you might want to evade those two torpedoes behind us.
Lee: (turns his heads and sees the torpedoes closing in) Fuck. Hey Hanku, go frag them with your SG5.
Hanku: (already aiming at the torpedoes) Already on it (fires 5 rounds per torpedo and they explode). Yeah (turns to find Lee using Laser Eyes to destroy a third torpedo that was heading right for them, it exploded a few seconds later), awesome! (Lee turns to the right and stops the jet-ski) What's going on?
Lee: (stares at a Battleship that was 200yards away) There's a Battleship up ahead (hands Hanku a mini telescope), look through this.
(Hanku looks through the eyeglass and zooms in to see a 6'8" light skinned girl who was 26 years old, with blue eyes and long orange and blonde hair that reached down to her voluptuous ass. She wore a one-piece red bathing suit that emphasized her Double D chest.)
Hanku: (ecstatic) DAMN, THERE IS A HOT CHICK LEADING AN ATTACK (removes the eyeglass and sees Lee really pissed off which was all surprising to Hanku)! What's wrong?
Lee: (sounding demonic) I hate Katherine.
Hanku: So that's her name…is she an enemy of yours?
Lee: (sarcastic) Gee, what was your first clue?
Hanku: Your face.
Lee: That bitch is Renegade's older cousin and she is in love with me.
Hanku: So why are you angry? If anything you would be a lucky…
Lee: (really pissed) SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!
Hanku: Oh (notices Lee start the jet-ski and rocket's towards the Battleship at maximum speed, which is so fast even the NASCAR drivers would say "Daaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmnnnn."). Whoa, wait, what are you doing?
Lee: I GONNA DESTROY THEM ALL (pushes a button that activates an Energy Buzz saw at the front end of the jet-ski)!
Katherine: (sees Lee and Hanku rushing towards her ship) FIRE FULL ARSENAL (All of her ship's cannons, Laser cannons, Missile Launchers and Torpedo bays fired all shots at Lee and Hanku. All of the shots were evaded, but the missiles and torpedoes are now chasing them.)! Does he think I'm stupid enough to…(Hears the noise of the Buzz saw slicing through the ship at a fantastic speed. Katherine runs into the bridge to confront her little sister, Kathy about the crisis.) Kathy, Status-report.
Kathy: (panicky) We're in trouble, Lee sliced through the ship!
Katherine: Nooooo!
Kathy: I guess you'll hate this news.
Katherine: WHAT (looks at the radar and sees the missiles and torpedoes headed right for them)! Oh…
Kathy: …shit!
The Battleship explodes, but Katherine and Kathy teleported out of there before the explosion and the ship going Titanic. Lee and Hanku on the other hand sped off for Tokyo flipping off the wreckage behind them.
(Back at Hinata House)
Naru, Kitsune, Su, Sarah, Motoko: Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, LEE, (X continues to ignore them)! X?
X: (opens his eyes and breaks meditation) What do you want?
Su: (hand him a red drink that clearly read "Truth Serum" on the label) Try this Truth Serum (smiles).
(A.N.: So much for being secretive Kaolla.)
X: I'm a ghost I don't consume anything.
Sarah: (smiles evilly while singing) Are you sure?
X: (breaks the bottle over Kitsune's head, knocking her out) Yes, I am.
Motoko: (points her sword at him) Then how were able to break that bottle over Kitsune's head, X, if that's your real name.
X: Just because I'm a ghost doesn't mean I can't hold solid objects, now get that sword out of my face.
Motoko: Make me (X grabbed the sword and ripped it out of the kendo girl's hand, kicked her in the stomach, then cut her chest with her own sword and finally he threw it into the ceil where it's currently stuck.).
Keitaro: (stares in amazement) Damn.
Naru: Very much like Lee.
(A.N.: You morons still thinking that?
(Meanwhile)
Hanku and Lee reached Tokyo and when Lee called for his truck (a green 1997 Ford 150) he got a surprise from I.R.I.S.
Hanku: That's your truck!
Lee: This is the truck I just completed but I called for my other pickup truck, the one my dad bought the year it came out.
I.R.I.S.: Let me explain: Due to the fact that two years passed in this world as to the year and six months in your world you both were aged two years upon arrival.
Hanku: So I'm 22 and he's 23?
I.R.I.S.: Precisely, so I sent this truck to accommodate your bodies.
Lee: Because I'm now 7'1" and Hanku is 6'5"?
I.R.I.S.: Exactly, now hurry up and pickup Kanako at the airport!
Hanku: (sarcastic) Nice A.I.
Lee: A smart-ass but reliable. (They both got inside the red and black pickup that looks like Lee's Ford truck only bigger, badder and armed to the teeth)
Hanku: Let's go!
Lee: You're enjoying this aren't you (starts the engine)?
Hanku: Yep.
They drove off unaware that someone put a tracking device on the front left car door.
Kathy: (on the roof talking on a Walkie-Talkie) They're heading your way big sis.
(A.N.: Kathy is 19 years old and looks like Katherine except she's 14 inches shorter and has blue hair. She idolizes her big sister so much she dresses like her…oh and she's equally horny.)
Katherine: (Inside a huge Big Rig a few miles away) Copy that, I'll nail them as soon as I see them.
Kathy: Big sis?
Katherine: Yes little sis?
Kathy: If we do manage to capture Lee, can I "play" with his friend?
Katherine: That depends, are you going to kill him when you're done with him?
Kathy: (excited) YOU BET I WILL!
Katherine: Okay.
Kathy: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!
(Back to the two Americans)
Hanku: How much further is the airport?
Lee: Just a few more miles.
Hanku: You said that 20 minutes ago and would it kill you to go faster than 50 M.P.H. since there's nobody here?
Lee: Hey, I just noticed that…something isn't right. Tokyo is like New York City, only there are only Japanese people and the traffic is better…well sort of.
Hanku: Are you saying that…(a gigantic Big Rig crashes through some buildings that the two men just passed, both vehicles stopped and both Lee and Hanku looked in the rearview mirror to see Katherine flirting with Lee and Kathy, just getting in the truck and starts waving at Hanku) Dude, they're flirting with us…do they want to have sex or something?
Lee: (hits the accelerator) More like rape and homicide!
Kathy: Let's get 'em!
Katherine: (hits the accelerator to give chase) You're mine.
No matter how fast Lee and Hanku were going, the bounty hunting nymphomaniacs would match their speed. The two Americans were at a huge disadvantage because whenever they turned a corner the bounty hunters would cut them off by driving through buildings. Of course Lee would put it in reverse, back out into the intersection and the chase would resume. This went on for 15 minutes until they saw the airport.
Hanku: There it is!
Lee: That's cool and all, but we still have those hoes behind us.
Hanku: (snickers) Yeah, look at Katherine try to aim that stupid gun (hears a shot fired and then looks to his left to see a little electronic spear sticking in the left front door) Oh shit!
Lee: (notices the deceleration) Dammit, that mini harpoon is screwing up the engine (rows down the driver's window and the rear window)! Hanku…
Hanku: (brings out the SG5 Commando) On it.
Lee: You won't be able to damage the truck, but at least you'll prevent them from shooting us with another mini harpoon or whatever that thing is.
(Hanku shoots at the truck while Lee took 30 seconds to pull the electronic mini harpoon out. After that Hanku ran out of ammo so Lee rowed both windows up and hit the accelerator.)
Hanku: It's nice to have the accelerator back, but we still have those two babes on our tail.
Lee: Xtreme Machine: Level 2 (hits a red button that causes a stick with a button marked "Nitro" to appear)!
Hanku: That's it?
Lee: That, two boosters and an engine that can take the higher speeds (hits the button and the truck rockets towards the airport).
Hanku: (laughing) THIS IS FRICKIN' AWESOME (notices something stuck on the electronic harpoon)! Hey, what's this (grabs the stick and notices the destroyed tracer on the end)? Look at this.
Lee: (sees the tracer) Looks like Katherine inadvertently shot her own tracer.
Hanku: Those two have got to be feeling like idiots right about now.
Katherine: Activate rocket boosters.
Kathy: (uneasy) Uh, they're not finished yet.
Katherine: Damn, how fast are they going?
Kathy: (looks at her speed gun) They've reached 300, 450mph…they're gone.
Katherine: (chuckles) We can always follow them.
Kathy: But you just destroyed the tracer when you shot his door.
Katherine: (pissed) GODDAMMIT!
Hanku: Did you hear something?
Lee: Yeah and I don't care.
They reached the airport and Lee reverted the truck back to level 1 and parked dead in front of the airport, which was fortunately behind a bunch of cars and trucks. They got out and I.R.I.S. started the self-fix program.
Hanku: That's cool that your truck has a self-fix program.
Lee: Hey, I.R.I.S. deserves some of the credit.
I.R.I.S.: (sweetly) Thank you Lee.
Lee: Your welcome I.R.I.S. You smartass bitch.
(They entered the building while at the same time Kanako emerged from the escalator holding her bag.)
Kanako: Where is big brother?
(While the Goth girl walks towards the entrance, Lee and Hanku are standing around making a sign.)
Hanku: Are you sure she is gonna be able to read that?
Lee: (holds up the sign marked "KANAKO" in English) Look at it this way, half of the country speaks English and throw in the fact that Kanako has traveled throughout this world with the severely over hyped Grandma Hina, thus increasing her chances of being a part of the English speaking half.
Hanku: But doesn't you author already make it to where everybody understands us regardless of the language barrier?
Lee: Well…uh…aw damn I lost my train of thought.
Kanako: (appears out of nowhere) Excuse me, you wouldn't be Lee by any chance would you?
Lee: (turns to see Kanako looking up at him) Yes I am and you're Kanako Urashima.
Kanako: Exactly, who's this (points at Hanku)?
Hanku: My name is Hanku Royiaki, Martial Arts Champion Extraordinaire!
Lee: (annoyed) You love to sling that title around whenever you're in an area where no one recognizes your White-ass.
Hanku: At least I have a legitimate title.
Lee: Listen Tex, I've earned a lot of titles and I don't think you want to find out the hard way.
Kanako: (annoyed with both of them) Hey, egos aside can we going?
Lee & Hanku: (still eyeing each other) Yeah whatever.
(The three left the building and loaded Kanako's bag in the trunk, but Lee saw two giant Big Rigs lined up one behind the other. The one in the back was Katherine's and the one in front belonged to Renegade IV it had "Omin-X are punk bitches on it.)
Lee: Aw shit, how did Renegade IV get here?
Hanku: Aw man, were gonna be here all day.
Lee: Who would have thought that picking up Kanako due to Keitaro's incompetence would attract those assholes.
Kanako: Excuse me for living.
Hanku: I got an idea wait here (sneaks towards Katherine's truck).
Kanako: What's he doing?
Lee: He's gonna hook Katherine's truck to Renegade's.
Kanako: This I gotta see.
Lee: Excellent, for second there I thought I was going to have to explain humor to you.
(While Hanku was sneaking towards Katherine's truck, the two sisters were conversing with their cousin who was still in his truck.)
Katherine: He's got to come out sometime.
Renegade IV: So you can fuck and kill him.
Katherine: (eyes sparkle) Yep.
Renegade IV: What is wrong with the women in this family?
Kathy: Who knows, who cares?
Renegade IV: Any normal humanoid.
Kathy: You're just mad because you don't have a girlfriend.
Renegade IV: (annoyed) If I did I wouldn't want her to meet this crazy family of ours.
(Hanku already hooked the two vehicles together and he rushed back to Lee and Kanako.)
Kanako: (smirked) This is gonna be good.
Renegade IV: I'm gonna go (starts the engine). I have more important things to do right now (he drove off, but the chain pulled on Katherine's truck, which was still in park and half of the front end of the truck got ripped off and dragged while falling apart. Kathy chased down the part being dragged while Katherine starts crying about her loss.)
Katherine: (sobbing) Oh my poor truck! Oh god, Oh god…WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
(Lee, Hanku and Kanako were laughing their asses off as they got into the truck.)
Kanako: That was awesome.
Hanku: Thanks.
Lee: I got to be serious for a second (everyone stops laughing). That was a very mean thing you…(snickers and then laughs) I couldn't finish that statement with a straight face (starts the engine and drives off)!
Hanku: (excited) Hey, hey, flip her off (Lee drives by Katherine, honks the horn and the two Americans and the Japanese Goth girl proceeded to flip of the sobbing girl before flooring it)!
Katherine: (pissed and still crying) YOU BASTARDS!
Kanako: Did you guys hear something?
Hanku: Yes.
Lee: Don't care. Hey Kanako check out this phat beat, it's probably different than what you're used to (starts blasting the Beastie Boys).
Kanako: (mellow) Heard it, don't care.
Hanku: Maybe I should blast some Toby Keith.
Lee, Kanako & I.R.I.S.: How about not!
To Be Continued…
Antics: I'm Back Bitches
Lee3: (happy) Feels so good to be back.
Hanku: You're enjoying yourself aren't you?
Lee3: Why wouldn't I be? Naru is in hell (metaphorically speaking) again, I'm planning on putting in crossovers of an anime and a manga and finally I got you backing me on this fic.
Hanku: Like that one idea I had that eliminated your potential writer's block.
Lee3: Yeah, but that won't be revealed until later.
Naru: (busts through the door) I CANNOT ALLOW THIS OUTRAGE TO CONTINUE!
Lee3: That's what the Goth Girl Trio said, and they're still in the hospital.
Hanku: Naru, why don't you crawl back into your hole and stay there.
Naru: (pissed) THAT'S IT, DIE YOU AMERICAN PIGS (readies her punch, but Lee pulled a chord and a 1 ton anvil crushed the bitch)!
Lee3: Oh I love Naru-bashing.
Hanku: That's your drug.
Lee3: While we're on the subject I want to get something off my chest.
Hanku: Go ahead (walks off). I know where this is going.
Lee3: I've noticed some fans asking (impersonates a whiny kid), "Why is there Naru-bashing, Why is there Naru-bashing?" Look, you all either watched the anime, read the manga or did both. You can tell from the first episode/chapter that she was a major bitch with anger issues and the worst part is that she got the guy she clearly didn't deserve. We all saw that coming when she grabbed his cock. If you ask why there is Naru-bashing after reading the manga and watching the anime YOU'RE FUCKING RETARDED!
Hanku: (appears out of nowhere) Do you feel better now?
Lee3: Yes I do.
Hanku: You know the fans are gonna hate you for that.
Lee3: Either that or they're gonna laugh either way.
Hanku: Whatever, you might want to end this right now.
Lee3: I concur. Review or flame if you want. I know this chapter probably sucked, but give the fic a chance, it'll get better. I got more shit in store for you all like for instance one of the characters tries to commit suicide. Now I know I got someone's attention.
Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to thank someone I forgot to back when I wrote "A New Roomate?" and that person is NecroInstall because that person fits in the category of the reviewers that got me to update faster. I felt bad that I forgot about him and I'm sorry. I guess that's done see ya next time.
