Title: Left Behind

Author: Alexia Anna

Characters: Ellie Nash

Rating: M

Summary: I stopped reading the suicide note for a few moments. I could hear him when I was reading. I heard his voice as if he was next to me. The letter is song lyrics from the song Last Words by Thousand Foot Krutch. One Shot.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the song that is featured.

Chapter 1: Shock

I was shocked at the news. My father had committed suicide. The violent crime of suicide, and he succeeded. He had just came home from the war in Iraq. I guess it was too much for him. Too much trauma. He must've not been able to handle it all.

His suicide had left an impact on me. It was so violent and not expected. He was supposed to be strong, not a weakling. He was supposed to protect me and mom. All he left a me was a note and nothing else.

Dear Ellie and my lovely wife:

Dear loved one please listen
This might be the last chance I get
I'm sorry I left you
I'm living in a world of regret
Don't cry if you can hear me
I never meant to hurt you, dearly
I'm so wrong sincerely

I stopped reading the suicide note for a few moments. I could hear him when I was reading. I heard his voice as if he was next to me. He was sorry? Regret? What did he regret? Leaving us for the war? His duty? Cry? I can't cry even if I tried. Yes he hurt me, very much so. Yes he was wrong!

These are the last words
I'm ever gonna get to say to you
When everything falls away from you
Take these words and know the world
Is not worth leaving.

My world fell apart, when he left me. I still don't know what I am going to do without my father. Life has been so hard without him. He died 3 months ago. I've started to cut again and I am suicidal. I won't commit suicide because I don't want to do the horrible crime that my father had commit.

I had to be rushed to the ER because I cut too deeply. Mom went back to her buddy - alcohol. She's passed out on the couch again. I feel like I'm in Déjà vu. It's happening all over again. The cycle. Sean isn't hear to save me. No one can. I am all alone.

Things are so messed up, and I'm too stubborn to get help. No one can help me any ways, so why try right? Paige has noticed the cutting again. She told Suave that I started again, so thanks to Paige once again I have to see her twice a week... again. I'm living at home once again. Taking care of my stupid mother. Why can't she just stop drinking? She's going to ruin her liver or whatever.

Yeah, here I am judging my mother when I can't even stop cutting. It has become a daily ritual. Cut do some homework, cut some more, go to bed. Oh I forgot that if school gets too stressful I go into the bathroom and cut there. Manny walked in on me the other day. That was fun. Here I found out that she cuts to. Maybe we can have a "Cutting Party".

My dad hung himself. I found him. Not my mother. I have nightmares about hanging myself. Who would find me? Not my mother. She'd be too drunk. If she was drunk she wouldn't care either.

Sean's not coming back. I gave up hope awhile ago.

Why does my life have to be so stressful and horrible? Why can't someone shoot me... Then it wouldn't be suicide... It would be Murder. Both are wrong, but suicide is the ultimate crime.