Frodick Baggins of the Shire was never one for adventures. He and his uncle Dildo made that clear to the surrounding folk in Hobbiton, and if anyone tried to escort him or his uncle on any mischievous trails, they would be hung for treason!
Today, however, Frodick's day had more than meets the eye.
It was an ordinary Saturday morning in Hobbiton. The birds were chirping, the frogs were croaking, and Frodick strode gently down main street in order to make it to the market for opening hour. He and uncle Dildo had placed an order for over 20,000 child slaves imported directly from the surrounding mountain tribes. The question remained whether the children would make it past a week living with Uncle Dildo. The last batch had only lasted three days before succumbing to Dildo's tendencies.
Uncle really does love his children, thought Frodick fondly.
He continued his merry walk deeper into the market district where vendors of all shapes and sizes tended to their stalls. On Frodick's left, the large-bellied Maryam Proudfoot shouted out various obscenities as he held up a wide selection of stolen cremation urns taken from distant villages. On his right was his own flesh and blood Peregrin "Penis" Took, vending what looked like the charcoaled remains of Merrywise "Tits" Brandybuck himself. Penis muttered absently to himself as he took a large bite out of a blackened hand.
Just as Frodick reached Galadick's market stall where he was going to pick up the imported children, he heard a soft rustling from behind him. He turned around sharply, looking at the dark alleyway between two hobbit holes. For a brief second he thought he saw a shadow like silhouette pass in between the two buildings. Curious, the Hobbit began to walk slowly down the alleyway. However, just as he reached its edge, he stopped himself.
No more adventures, Frodick! He chastised himself sharply. With his nose in the air he turned round. However, he had only made it a couple steps when a voice hissed out sharply from the alleyway.
"Frodick...hey, Frodick!"
Frodick squinted his eyes as he slowly made out the plump and slightly sweaty face of his best friend and gardener, Samcock Gamgee. Samcock was slightly out of breath, and he seemed to be in a hurry. "Frodick, I have to show you something!"
Samcock's eyes darted back and forth behind Frodick, and he licked his lips in a nervous manner.
"What's going on, Samcock?" Frodick asked cautiously.
Samcock chuckled to himself before throwing a quick and worried glance over his shoulder.
"Come with me and you'll see!" he said in a quick whisper.
Resigned for the worse, Frodick followed the hunched and hurried Sam down the darkened alleyway.
Frodick felt as though he had been walking for hours when finally he and Samcock came upon a wonderful sprawling clearing. There was grass greener than Gandalf's homegrown Hobbit weed and the air was a crisp, clear blue. Frodick inhaled deeply and exhaled, letting all of his troubles flow out of him in a single breath.
"Samcock," Frodick smiled widely with his delicate features, "this place is incredible! How did you find it?"
Samcock turned to Frodick with a nervous grin and shrugged sheepishly.
"Well, folks around here call it the Nesting Grounds. It's where all the woodland creatures come to make babies!" Samcock smiled widely and, trembling a little at the hands, beckoned Frodick forward.
"Come on, it's just a little further!"
Frodick let out a merry laugh and skipped towards Samcock with a joyous smile. Further and further they went, over hill and under hill, through waterfalls and past crisp, sparkling lakes of the bluest water. Finally, they reached a small crevice in the face of a steep mountain.
"Wait here!" Samcock ordered, hurrying forward towards the crevice and stumbling a little. He squeezed in with great difficulty, leaving Frodick to wait outside.
Frodick sat his sweet ass on the luscious ground beside some vibrant flowers of every single colour. He smiled to himself as he looked around this incredible landscape. Did any other Hobbits know about this?
Just as Frodick's little Hobbit watch told him that Sam had been gone nearly fifteen minutes, he heard a faint echoing call coming from within the crevice.
"Frodick...Frodick, come on in!" Samcock's voice floated up softly from within the cave.
Frodick chucked and hastened towards the narrow opening. With a grunt he managed to squeeze himself through, falling with a gentle thud onto cold stone. Frodick straightened up, brushing some dust off his brown trousers, and looked about.
He seemed to be in a medium sized dimly lit room. The walls, floor and ceiling were all made of stone, and there was but what looked like a single wooden crib sitting in the middle. Samcock sat beside, cooing softly to something that Frodick could not see. Frodick felt his go-lucky smile slowly slip off his face as he cautiously strode towards the middle of the chamber.
"It's alright Frodick...you can come closer…" Samcock whispered quietly. He lifted his arms inside the cradle and pulled out what seemed to be a thick bundle of blankets.
Samcock thrust the bundle into Frodick's arms and quicky scampered away to a nearby corner, huddling up and beginning to cry. Frodick saw he had extracted a Hobbit rosary and was praying vehemently under his breath.
"Samcock, what's-" Frodick began to ask with rising panic in his voice. However, he soon got his answer.
The thing in the bundles has pulled back it's hood to reveal a hideously putrid face. It's hair was stretched thin across a scabby scalp, whitened and frizzy. It's eyes were mismatched and droopy and incredibly bloodshot, while it's half open and drooling mouth gave birth to mismatched brick shaped teeth.
Frodick shrieked and turned to the still praying Samcock.
"What is this witchcraft?" Frodick shot across the room.
Samcock straightened up, trembling furiously.
"It wasn't my fault, Frodick...I swear it wasn't...how was I supposed to know that Rosie was my sister?!"
With an awful realization, Frodick looked back down at the whining creature in his arms. Repulsed, he threw it full force at the opposite stone wall. There was the loud twisting sound of gears as a hidden door was pushed open where Frodick had thrown the child. Inside, Frodick saw a pair of female Hobbit legs dangling in mid air. The corpse, Frodick saw, was adorned in an unmistakable Rosie Cotton dress.
Frodick fell onto his little bum and scooted into a corner. Through his tears he saw Samcock bend over to pick up the still flailing baby into his arms.
"He's yours now, Frodick," Samcock was saying. "I need you to take him."
Pain flooded through Frodick's mind as the thought of having to raise that thing ached into his body like a disease. Using his tongue, Frodick loostened the pill disguised as a tooth, and bit down hard.
Foam spurted out through Frodick's mouth as the room began to darken. Through his bulging eyes, he looked for the final time at Samcock crying out in desperation, screaming into the abyss.
Frodick's corpse slumped over into the gloom, and Samcock Gamgee was fully alone.
