Geordi:
His eyes are red, he looks half dead
He never combs his hair
He can't talk without stuttering
And has that bug-eyed stare
And even on the best of days he doesn't seem quite there
He's even hid from me in Engineering
Riker:
He's always late for duty
Geordi:
But his expertise is real
Riker:
He's always late for everything
Geordi:
Except for every meal
Picard:
I hate to have to say it, but I very firmly feel
Reg Barclay's not an asset to the Enterprise
Riker:
I'd like to say a word on his behalf
Broccoli makes me laugh
Geordi, Riker & Picard:
How do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?
How do you stop an imminent warp core breach?
How do you find a word that means Reg Barclay?
A flibbertigibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a leech
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?
How do you hold a light beam in your hand?
Geordi:
When I'm with him, I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Riker:
Unpredictable as weather, he's as flighty as a feather
Geordi:
He's a genius
Riker:
He's a nuisance
Picard:
He's a man
Geordi:
He'd out-pester any pest, drive a hornet from its nest
And he never does what he's supposed to do
Riker:
He's a constant nervous wreck, he's a riddle, he's a mess
He's a headache
Picard:
He's a member of this crew
Geordi, Riker & Picard:
How do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?
How do you stop an imminent warp core breach?
How do you find a word that means Reg Barclay?
A flibbertigibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a leech
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?
How do you hold a light beam in your hand?
