Geordi:

His eyes are red, he looks half dead

He never combs his hair

He can't talk without stuttering

And has that bug-eyed stare

And even on the best of days he doesn't seem quite there

He's even hid from me in Engineering

Riker:

He's always late for duty

Geordi:

But his expertise is real

Riker:

He's always late for everything

Geordi:

Except for every meal

Picard:

I hate to have to say it, but I very firmly feel

Reg Barclay's not an asset to the Enterprise

Riker:

I'd like to say a word on his behalf

Broccoli makes me laugh

Geordi, Riker & Picard:

How do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?

How do you stop an imminent warp core breach?

How do you find a word that means Reg Barclay?

A flibbertigibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a leech

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him

Many a thing he ought to understand

But how do you make him stay

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?

How do you hold a light beam in your hand?

Geordi:

When I'm with him, I'm confused

Out of focus and bemused

And I never know exactly where I am

Riker:

Unpredictable as weather, he's as flighty as a feather

Geordi:

He's a genius

Riker:

He's a nuisance

Picard:

He's a man

Geordi:

He'd out-pester any pest, drive a hornet from its nest

And he never does what he's supposed to do

Riker:

He's a constant nervous wreck, he's a riddle, he's a mess

He's a headache

Picard:

He's a member of this crew

Geordi, Riker & Picard:

How do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?

How do you stop an imminent warp core breach?

How do you find a word that means Reg Barclay?

A flibbertigibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a leech

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him

Many a thing he ought to understand

But how do you make him stay

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Reg Barclay?

How do you hold a light beam in your hand?