Neither One Nor T'other

*A/N: a really random little short, inspired by some comedian on BBC radio. Credit to them. Just. don't ask why, okay? Disclaimers: Schwarz aren't mine. That's just a dream I cherished once. Warnings: um, bad humour? Minor yaoi? No plot? Title with no relevance what so ever? Dedication: to my sister, who'd got a temperature of 102 and looks like death warmed up. And doesn't even read fanfiction, watch WK or likes yaoi. So a pointless dedication, ne? *

Farfarello stared at the boarding gate. "I can't go t' England," he declared.

"Don't make a fuss," Crawford hissed. "We can't afford to wait for the next flight."

"I can't go t' England," Farfarello insisted.

"Why not?" Schuldig growled. "Got a price on your head or something?"

"I'm not gay."

There was silence.

"What?" Nagi asked timidly.

"Ye can't go t' England if ye're Irish unless ye're gay."

"Don't be ridiculous," Crawford snapped, eyeing the departure gate nervously. A voice boomed over the speakers, reminding them they had less than five minutes to get on the plane.

"Is it a requisition?" Schuldig drawled, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed his long word. "Are all Irish men in England gay? No, more importantly, are all Irish women in England gay?"

"Gay Irish gardeners," Farfarello began to list, "gay Irish singers, gay Irish reality TV winners, gay Irish kids TV presenters, gay Irish comedians."

"But you're not going to be on TV," Nagi objected. "They're all famous people. On TV."

"When they start t'e nationwide search I'll be on TV," Farfarello pointed out. "I can't be an Irish psychopath in England unless I'm a gay Irish psychopath."

Crawford was beginning to look extremely agitated. The speakers spluttered tinnily that is was the last call for the flight to England. Schuldig smirked at him.

"I can solve this," he told their leader. Placing one hand behind Farfarello's head, he kissed the teenager passionately. "Now can we go?" he asked pale young man.

Farfarello licked his lips. "Aye," he murmured.