Disclaimer – I don't own any of the characters that appear from the Gravitation series. Nor do I own Sophie cause she wont lemme keep her (Yes Soph is based on a real character 3) Anyway Maki Murakami owns them unfortunately.

Summary – Yuki abused and cheated on Shuichi in the past. And now its up to Hiro to show Shu that he is loved and wanted in this world (Bad Summary) WARNING: Mature themes. Yushu, Shiro, Yuma, hints of Kiro. Please R&R!


These same stupid white walls staring back at my twisted figure hidden in the available and welcomed darkness, for what would seem to be an eternity. This same stupid view from my curled up fetal position cradling myself against the padded yet painfully brutal wall in the corner of the room that lies in the heart of this insane asylum. In the ward for those who are a great danger to themselves and to the ill suspecting others around them… I'm surprised that they haven't stuck me one of those straight jackets yet.

The thin metal bed, the only other occupant of the room, is pushed against the taunting far wall, opposite me, under the small box window set high into the wall away from the pathetic reach of humans like me - the only feature of this cold heartless room lit up by the flickering fluorescent light above me. The superfluous window lets in a mix of natural ghastly day light from the outside world, which taunts my very existence or rather, what is left of it.

I want to be able to reach the window and smash it, then use the sharp shards of glass to inflict pain upon myself like the freak that I am but the cold metal bars that surround and protect it are a constant reminder that I am somewhat shackled here, a prisoner of my own self-inflicted torment. Like these scars, reminders of the other wave of self inflicted pain from a razor blade. Reminding me why I am kept an eternal prisoner here and how my own soul was laid out to be captured and consumed by the darkness. The very essence of my being, flitting away into the night, escaping me, as a song from the angels above lowly dies and fades to nothing but a memory.

Yes. I know all about angels. How cruel and heartless, they can be. I had my own angel once. Yet these many years on only distorted black and white memories remain, though I could never truly forget. How could I ever forget those hot fiery hazel eyes as they lock on me in a mix of emotions glaring silently at my marred and destroyed skin? How those very same eyes would hide behind blonde sandy locks. Even the feather like ghostly touch that I would receive from him, turned to painful beatings and rape. Yet somehow I yearned for his touch even more, so I could forget the abandonment and dismay of life and what he put me through.

I look down at the thick ropey scars on my wrists, snaking down to my elbows. Disappearing far under my too-big white t-shirt. Maybe it was out of anger that I did this. But at whom? At Yuki my blonde ex-lover who had constantly fucked his dearest brother in-law because me Shuichi Shindou the broken abused sex toy, which gave him his heart, wasn't enough anymore. Perhaps hate, but again at whom? Myself? For being so weak and pathetic that I had to repeatedly harm myself then crawl back to the novelist after every incident, my tail hanging limply between my legs with a soul that was slowly being destroyed piece by piece. And still I crawled back to my Master like a good well-behaved pet should.

I can't remember the exact day when these devastating wounds appeared on my body, nor do I think I want to. It's the only thing I'm glad I can't remember right now but I am really sort of curious. What was it that made me go so far, further then I had done ever before. As to pick up that glinting heavenly razor blade, hold it to my arm and drag it agonizingly slowly down towards my elbow on the once tanned skin, making me fall limply to the floor of the forbidden study next to that stupid laptop. That he always, ALWAYS treasured above me, I think even before Tohma.

Even now as I reach a small weak shaky hand up to caress them, while absorbing in the only human physical touch that I seem to receive these days. I am still amazed to find that even now they are just as sensitive as they were, when nauseating stitches – which desired to be picked at and ripped apart – held together the skin that was efficiently parted with a quick hiss of pain. Even the older wounds filled with scar tissue, that I have accumulated over the years of his betrayal, feel just as sensitive.

God, I want to be able to wear long sleeves and hide them. Its not like I don't like the way they look or feel. Really they fascinate me, they always have done, driving the question of why I would do such a thing to myself through my always-foggy brain. Though I believe these pink contrasting scars are the main sources of my nightmares. Making me dream about him. Memories flooding back to me where I cant stop them, incapable to stop them from overwhelming me.

I raise a heavy head and look towards the now open door, egar to escape but unable to. I want to escape, be free and be able to end this. But I'm too tired to even move now. I'd be happy if I could just die here, I've already given up on life but those stupid doctors find it necessary to drive pills down my throat and pump stupid chemicals into my veins, keeping me in a meaningless existence and I am unable to stop them.

A vague shadow approached me carefully, a mess of long chocolate brown hair swinging behind it. My body subconsciously withdrew away from it as it approached and reached a hand towards me to caress my face.

"Shuichi…?" The voice seems so near yet so very distant. The soft hand almost freezing cold against my clammy, sweating skin. Somehow it seems so familiar, so loving. I think it could sense the pain throbbing from my dim aura.

I sense my breath hitch slightly as I heard the soft whispery voice yet again. "Shuichi…?" The hand gently raising my head in a smooth fluid motion forcing me to look into deep brown eyes. Worry and confusion relaying through them. These eyes, somehow I knew they shouldn't be like that. No. They should be happy, glowing with passion. "Shuichi…? Why are you crying?" Am I crying? I don't know. I feel so cold and shivery compared to the heat coming from the larger body.

I must have been crying. The hand moved to cup my chin lightly and rubbed away the tears trailing down my face and a quiet sigh escaped one of our lips. And I found myself being lifted, cupped around my waist and knees and taken to the remote bed, too weak to retaliate, to struggle and escape the tight grip and bolt towards the still open door. I want to desperately do so, but at the same time nor do I want to escape this comfort that I think is my best friend.

I close my eyes clinging to the soft material of his shirt, feeling his breath on my neck, sending goose bumps down my spine, as I slide my head down and rest it against his toned chest. Murmuring the name of the larger person as he started to stroke my hair gently. "Hiro…"

I know he's smiling at me now. I can feel it. I know he's relieved that I can still remember him but why shouldn't I? He's been the only constant in my entire life, even Yuki and my family wasn't there all the time but he was. Vaguely I remember him saying something about Bad Grasper going on tour that he was going to be away for around a month or so. Ryuichi Sakuma leading the rest of my band while I was stuck in here for an attempted suicide, cutting, overdoses and other random psychological illnesses that apparently I have also got, though I've got too many to count now but I'm glad that Hiro's back. I'm not alone anymore; only with him do I feel sane. Hiro keeps me here, he helps me get better. I was lost while he was away but his strength gives me strength.

Hiro rested a heavy chin on my shoulder and nuzzled my now greasy lifeless hair and turned to look at a figure in the doorway. That stupid Doctor, that one that wants me to talk about my 'problems'. I don't need to talk to her! I just need to get out of here.

I feel the gentle grip tighten around me. Their talking mute to my own thoughts. The women walked over and kneeled before us, my friend's grip tightening yet again around me but he was still wary not to harm me. I know she's trying to talk to me, her lips moving slowly, trying to form the words that I couldn't hear. I found my self giggling at the sight but she only frowned and turned her gaze to Hiro. Hiro's talking now, I can feel the vibration in his chest but I still cant tell what he's saying. I can make out a few words though like 'take', 'home' and 'belong'. Was he saying that I belonged somewhere? I found myself repeating that to myself and the arms around me squeezed tightly wanting me to look up at their owner. Who nodded and smiled when my gaze fell upon him.

"Home…"

Am I going home with Hiro? B-but they said I wasn't going to be let out for ages since I refused to talk. I think today was the first time since Hiro left for the tour, I'll only ever talk to him. I don't think I've ever left my room, well only to go to the bathroom. Never to the social areas, just staying in my white little padded room, alone and thinking. Waiting for the weekly visit from Hiro. Tatsuha, K, Sakuma-san and my sister have visited me too but they all felt edgy around me, I can sense it… not like Hiro. He's not afraid, not edgy, not careful around me… he's just plain Hiro. The Hiro I've always known and always cared for. I never meant to hurt him through my own destructive behavior.

"Shuichi?" I blink. Feeling embarrassed that I would let my mind wonder at such a crucial moment. "Would you like that?" Like what? I wasn't listening? I think he sensed this; he removed a hand from around me and stroked my cheek, finding myself leaning against it. "Would you like to come live with me for a little while? I want to help you. That's if you'll let me…" Now it's my turn to let a small smile grace my malnourished features. As I nodded weakly, gasping quietly as he kissed my lips unexpectedly with his own soft ones. I could feel the doctor smiling at us happily.

"Yes… love is the best medicine…"


Ouu Hello people! I'm Ed and I shall be your writer for the next 10 chapters :) Yep. Okay this is based on a true storey and I know that Shu may seem OOC but Hiro isn't okay I love him too much to make him OOC. This is gonna be ANGST ANGST ANGST this story so don't say I didn't warn you! I hope you love it though. Please Read & Review Please!