A/N: This is just my reaction to The Quarterback episode. I was honestly almost crying through the whole of it. I was also quite upset that Dianna wasn't in there. And I do want to know why, but at the same time after doing research and talking to others, I don't. For whatever reason she couldn't be in it, I'm going to fix that for me to feel better. This takes part right after the episode ended.
Cory, we miss you and Finn was the greatest person you could portray. Thank you!
Every 14.2 minutes someone in the united states dies by suicide
Nearly 1, 000, 000 people make a suicide attempt every year
90% of people who die by suicide had a treatable mental disorder when they died
This is our message to give hope back
To those who are lost in despair
The lights are off, as Quinn strolls down the stairs. Her fingers brushing against the plush seats she occupied in years pervious. Her eyes linger on the stage of the auditorium her head still not being able to wrap around the fact that he's gone.
Finn.
Is the single thought that runs through Quinn's mind. She can't believe it, but she knows it's true. She was at the funeral, saw him lowered to the ground and buried. She couldn't stay longer than the ceremony and as soon as it was over, she had dashed to her car and left. Not comforting Rachel, who she'd crossed stares with nor any of her other glee family.
It's crazy, Quinn thinks, Finn shouldn't be dead. He should be living his dream of becoming a teacher. Tears sting the corner of her eyes, and Quinn doesn't do anything to stop them. He won't ever get the chance to do that anymore, ever and the thought kills Quinn. It hurts her, twists her insides even if she doesn't exactly understand why. Why would Finn's death affect her so much?
They were never not close, Quinn scoffs as she remembers baby gate. She lied to the boy about being Beth's father, and she's pretty certain at one point they were both mutually in love. It just didn't last as long as they expected, and Quinn's glad about that. Because maybe if she was still in love with Finn, she'd still be in Lima. So Quinn's happy they weren't together when it happened, and she frowns at the thought of being happy. Because she should be sad, she should feel horrible for being happy about them not being together when he's now gone. When he's never going to get to live the dreams he wished that she now has an opportunity to live. She means her own dreams and not his, though.
Quinn sighs as she makes it to the steps of the stage, her tears now rolling down her cheeks. They're not many just a few strays, but then again Quinn's done enough crying in the past. Climbing, she stops and stares at were the spotlight would fall, she's glad the lights are now automatic because as soon as she moves across the floor the backlights switch on. They bask the stage in a warm tone, but with an eerily feeling, things that would never be associated, but make perfect sense in the Yale student's head. The piano has been pushed to the back of the stage with barely enough light falling onto it.
Quinn smiles wistfully as she walks over and takes a seat. She doesn't know what to think, being on this stage is all to familiar, but it's also so far away. This stage brings back so many memories, watching Finn sing with the glee club Don't Stop Believin' for the first time, having Rachel organize the gleeks to sing Keep Holding On, when she needed it most, there's good memories and bad ones as well: yelling at Rachel when they were supposed to write a song, but there are so many that outweigh the bad ones: feeling a rush when she was in West Side Story, graduating, everything happened on this stage. And it's a lot to take in. She shifts so her body is now facing the piano keys, her fingers glide over them. A thin layer of dust sticking to her, she hasn't played the piano in ages.
The notes come out all wrong at first and Quinn thinks it's all her fault, but it's not. The piano is out of tune, she guesses it's because no one's had the energy nor spirit to play it. She doesn't have much of that either, but she keeps going. She plays simple songs as her thoughts keep spinning, she runs throughher scales, but doesn't try to replay the wrong notes when her fingers slip. She guesses she's distracting herself by fooling around, but she can't help, but miss everything.
She hits a particularly ear piercing chord and stops, glancing down at her hand Quinn takes a deep breath. She misses this, she misses being home and that's what the auditorium had become somehow. Her eyes water heavily because her home is now tainted. Finn's gone and while she knew that was something she'd expect at some point in her life. She wasn't prepared for it to be so soon, because Finn was their leader. Finn still gave them direction even if they weren't in a club together.
Her mind drifts back to the piano, she heard a song the other day. It's not her genre a fellow student was blasting it out the quad at Yale and being who she was the song was stuck easily in her head. She'd always been good at playing by ear, more than reading music. Recalling bits and pieces, Quinn's deft fingers sped up as she tried replaying the song. It wasn't a piano song, it wasn't easy, but it was a song. She didn't sing along couldn't her voice had choked up halfway through the first measure.
"Mm-hm." A throat is cleared.
Someone else has invaded Quinn's space and she swivels around quickly. She expected it to be Rachel, maybe Santana or Mr. Schue. She didn't expect a tall blonde, with blue eyes in jeans and a baby blue top.
"Britt?" Quinn mutters.
Brittany smiles softly: "Hey Q."
"What are you doing here?" Quinn asks.
"I could ask you the same thing," Brittany says.
"Touché."
The silence hangs for a long time. Neither blonde saying anything. Gently Brittany jerks her head to the edge of the auditorium and Quinn nods. They take a seat side by side with their legs hanging over the edge.
"Why? Seriously Brittany why are you here?"
Brittany glances up to meet questioning hazel eyes before they shift back to her feet. She takes a minute to think of her answer before turning back to Quinn.
"The same reason you are here."
"And why is that?" Quinn asks.
"For closure."
Two words and they echo across the vast space. Quinn is surprised at how acute Brittany is, but she shouldn't be. Brittany was always smart, but in different ways.
"We missed that," Quinn points out. "The memorial was two days ago."
Brittany shrugs: "It's never to late."
"Apparently it can be."
"Do you miss him?" Brittany asks.
Quinn's eyes freeze on Brittany's.
"...yes."
"I do too."
Quinn is confused, sure Brittany and Finn had been friends, but they never acted as more after high school.
"I can miss him just as much as you, Quinn," Brittany states. "I didn't have to date him to be close."
"I know...I just wasn't expecting you to say that."
Brittany shrugs. "It's crazy. I never thought he'd be the first."
Quinn nods and Brittany keeps talking.
"I actually thought it'd be Puck being reckless."
Quinn chuckles: "That would have made more sense."
Brittany grins before asking: "Why are you here Q?"
Quinn looks at her companion again. "I thought you said closure?"
"I did," Brittany clarifies, "but I meant as to what? What do you want closure on?"
Quinn is stumped. She wants closure on Finn. On the school. On the club. "I don't know."
"I think I do."
"Really?"
"You want closure on your mistakes."
"Excuse me?" Quinn exclaims.
Brittany rolls her eyes. "You messed up with Finn. You didn't get to fix it or say goodbye. You've messed up with Rachel, but you still have time. Fix it, come to the glee meeting today. I'm going. It's time I get my closure."
Quinn is still in shock that she doesn't really pay attention towards Brittany whose stood up and started to walk away. Scrambling to her feet Quinn calls out, feeling lost once again.
"Wait!...you said closure, about yourself I mean... Do you mean Finn? Or Santana?"
"I mean everything Quinn. I came for closure to Lima. I need to let go and move on."
"But what about Santana?"
"She'll always be my soul mate, I just know that I'll find her again."
"And Dani?"
"Dani is hers right now, but I will get her back. Just not anytime soon. I need closure, and I plan on getting it today."
"You said closure about Lima, does that mean your leaving...for good."
Brittany smiles softly, she contemplates her answer. "I guess...for now at least. My dreams are waiting on the other side of the sea at a dance academy. So for now, I need closure on everything that's happened at Lima."
The taller blonde continues to walk away, away from the auditorium. Confused as to what the blonde could mean, Quinn tries to recall the conversations she's had with Brittany. What could she mean? Her mind stops buzzing when a particular thought formulates in her head Brittany got in. She's going to London.
"You're going to London?" Quinn calls out, but Brittany is long gone from the auditorium.
It's empty again and this time Quinn feels like an intruder on the space. Maybe Brittany is right. Maybe she does need closure.
The glee club is silent as they all stare into space. The clock ticks above the door and Mr. Schue can't help but frown. He's supposed to be strong, but these kids are falling apart. Rachel has been staring at the remembrance she had made for him, Kurt is crying, Santana is curled into herself, Mercedes can't stop looking at the floor, Puck is in the corner and Mike is tapping his feet with no rhythm. His graduates all look dead. And his current student aren't fairing any better.
Footsteps are heard coming around the corner and the students don't react expecting it to be someone who will just walk past them. It's only Mr. Schue who looks up when the noise stops at the door. Brittany is standing under the entry fidgeting.
Mr. Schue clears his throat, he's surprised.
"Brittany?"
The students turn to look at her, Santana staring the longest.
"Hi," the blonde offers.
"What..." Mr. Schue tries to stop stuttering. "What are you doing here?"
"I needed to say goodbye," Brittany's answer is straight to the point.
The majority of the room takes her answer to mean goodbye to Finn. And to some extent it does, she is saying goodbye to Finn. But it's only Santana and Rachel who know that's not what she means.
"Goodbye?" Santana questions.
Brittany nods, "Goodbye."
Mr. Shue welcomes her into the room signaling to the chairs.
"Take a seat."
Brittany nods and shuffles over to an empty chair, in Santana's sight.
The teacher looks around feeling the need to keep the group active. He's about to clap his hand to garner their attention when his breath is stuck in his throat. At the door is another of his students. One he hasn't seen in a long time.
"Quinn?" It isn't Mr. Schue this time. It's Kitty.
"Hey guys," Quinn whispers not wanting to break the silence to much. "It's been a long time."
And the glee club can't help but stare. Mercedes is the first to stand up and hug her. They were close at one point, and Quinn is happy Mercedes hasn't let that go.
"I missed you Quinn," Mercedes says letting go of her.
Santana laughs, and it's the first time she's laughed since Finn's death. It sounds so out of place. And if wasn't in the choir room with the people she's learned to trust, she would probably sound insane. Who is she kidding, she does sound insane. The Latina is out of her seat right after Mercedes wrapping Quinn up in her arms.
"I hate you," Santana greets. "You have no idea how much I hate you Q...but oh is it good to see you."
Quinn chuckles as her arms wrap around the Latina's waist. She frowns feeling the protruding bones from her friend, she should probably comment on it. But Quinn bites her tongue, this is the first time she's seen Santana smile and she wants that to stay. She'll mention it to her later, at another moment.
Mike waves at her, Tina nods, Artie smiles uneasily, Kurt meets her gaze and looks away and Puck wraps her into his arms before setting her down. The only original member who hasn't moved is Rachel. Quinn expected as much.
She's still standing in front of the glee kids and she looks out of her element. Clearing her throat, Quinn straightens out the wrinkles in her skirt before looking up and at the club.
"I heard this week is open to us to sing about him."
She gets scattered nods as replies.
"And I guess I have a song I want to sing and share with you guys."
She walks to the piano highly aware of everyone's eyes on her. Rachel's burn the most as the small brunette looks curiously and dangerously at her. Quinn clears her throat as she sits down. Her hand hover over the keys before she begins playing.
Staring blank at the wall
Never been so alone
Why can't they get me?
Would they care if I was gone?
Spinning around all alone
In my head tonight
Would it all be so easy?
Would they ever miss me?
You can't let them win
I won't let you give in,
Her voice isn't meant for this song or this key, but Quinn pushes through it. It's not completely fitting, but it's the best she's got. And she needs this, she really does.
You are the heart
That beats inside of me
If you give up tonight
You give up on me
Don't go out
So don't go out
Like a teenage tragedy
Don't go out
So don't go out
Like a teenage tragedy
Quinn cuts out the middle of the verse. She knows it has nothing to do with Finn. But she needs release. They all do. She need closure. They need that too.
It's all inside you can change the world
So don't you dare give up on me tonight
You are the heart
That beats inside of me
If you give up tonight
You give up on me
Don't go out
So don't go out
Like a teenage tragedy
Don't go out
So don't go out
Like a teenage tragedy
Staring at the stars and knowing
We are not alone
You are not alone
She ends the song and the club doesn't know how to react. There is a scatter of applause, but no one really knows what to do. With Mercedes it was easy to hug even with Puck, but Quinn seems like a total stranger.
Rachel is the first one to get up, she walk calmly over to Quinn. The blonde is fidgeting looking at her lap. She raises her gaze when she feels Rachel in front of her. Rachel's eyes are blank, not giving her a clear indication of the girl's reaction. But Quinn certainly didn't expect what was handed to her.
The slap hurts less than Quinn thought it would have. It stings and her eyes tingle with tears, but it doesn't compare to Rachel launching herself into her arms. The brunette sobbing into the taller blonde. To anybody else outside of the older gleeks the scene would have looked confusing and horrific. And Kitty is almost out of her seat along with Marley only to be stopped by Brittany.
"You Quinn Fabray," Rachel chokes. "Are insufferable, irritable, crazy, charismatic, insane, stupid, intelligent, an idiot, a bitch..."
Quinn laughs at the words, the tears falling down her face and to the rest of the younger club it looks like the twilight zone, but Kurt is smiling smoothing he hasn't done in a long time, Santana is laughing her full belly laugh, Brittany is grinning, Mike has rhythm, Tina is happy, Puck is laughing softly, Artie is crying and Mercedes is snickering. Because they look like a family, they are acting like a family. A crazy, unfit, weird family, but a family nonetheless. And they are finding the closure needed. The closure they all desperately wanted.
Because for once they aren't thinking of Finn. They're trying to move on and it might take them awhile. And it might separate them more than they thought. But right now this little scene is healing them. And they have one person to thank because if it wasn't for him they would have never formed a bond in the club. Even if he's missing, they were still a family an unethical family, but a family.
Not completely happy with the ending. Probably re-work it.
