Jim Kirk heard the beep from his pad that showed a report had arrived. He glanced down, and saw it was Scotty's first annual engineering report. He opened the document, and his mouth fell open at the appalling errors in there.

He commed down to the Scottish engineering.

"Captain! Did ye get my report?" said the cheerful Scotsman.

"That's what I called about Scotty, I hope you aren't serious about turning that in,"

"Course I was Captain, what's- get down from there! It's not a climbing frame- the problem?" Scotty asked.

"The spelling, it's awful."

"Sir, with all due respect, it's not,"

"Really? You are aware 'defenses' is 'ses' not 'ces', and 'epicenter' is spelt 'ter' not 'tre', not to mention others, why you've felt the need to add letters and replace z with s is beyond me, not to mention 'aluminium' isn't even a word!" Jim said, irate.

"Captain, you ever been to the UK?"

"No Scotty, but I hardly see…"

"You know how you used to be part of the British empire?"

"Yes…"

"After you won independence you decided to change English spellings for some reason. Aluminium is alumimun, you changed s to z, and took u from a load of words," The engineer explained.

"Can you change it to American spelling?" Kirk asked.

"I dinnea see why, Sir. You Americans are the ones that changed it in the first place," there was a boom in the background. "I warned ye, ye green…." Kirk cut off the comm, before the curse could reach the bridge.

Uhura was hiding a smile at her Captains ignorance, Sulu and Chekov weren't even bothering sitting there with smirks on their faces'.

"Sulu, warp three,"

"Aye sir,"

"Energize," Jim said in his 'Captain-voice'.

"Which spelling sir?"

Jim groaned, he was never going to live this down.