The Reason Why
A/N: This is so dedicated to Penelope Tweed!!! I am sooooooo sorry I couldn't post one your birthday! I'm so sorry! School craziness! But I'm not trying to weasel out of the blame, I shall take my punishment!! I shall deprive myself of TV this weekend and work on nothing but my Garcia fics!! ……… And school work. Well, this goes to you, dear Penny! AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! Please enjoy!! (Even though it's a little off from my usual style….)
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This isn't what I wanted.
How could you expect me to understand what you've been saying to me? I'm only a man, what do you want? What do you want from me?
I don't know what you're thinking, it's not like I can give you anything special. I can't give you something that nobody else can. This isn't like those stupid romance chick-flicks. I'm not going to sweep you off your feet. I'm not going to brush away your tears and make it all okay. I don't have any special powers.
I'm not strong.
I can't stand up for you, I can't protect you.
What do you want from me? I don't know.
But I know that this isn't what I want. My heart doesn't cry out for you like those stupid love poems, which I'm not going to read to you. I'm not going to watch you sleep as the sun rises. I won't even be in the same bed as you.
Harmless and fake. All that flirting was never meant to go anywhere. I didn't say those things with the intention of 'seducing' you.
I can't have you, you can't be mine. I can never be yours.
No matter what you say, no matter how you cry, no matter how your tears go down your precious face, I cannot be with you. You can never be mine.
Have you even thought this through? I'm always away, I'll never see you. I'll never be able to hold you in my arms, savor your curves, make the world stop turning. I'll always be away from your smile. Always be in danger.
People hate me. They want me dead. They will come for you, come for your laugh.
You can't be mine.
This isn't what I…this isn't…you can't be mine!
I didn't want this.
But then, I guess I just trapped myself with my own words. It wasn't what I wanted. But wants change, just as our needs change.
I want this now. Everything you said, everything you say now, everything you will say, I want your words to be mine.
I want you to be mine.
This is what I want.
I've lied. A federal agent, sworn to protect…and I've lied to you.
This…you…is what I want.
I want to be the reason you smile.
No, I've gone and lied again.
I just want you to smile. I want you to laugh; I want your eyes to glow and make your face that much more beautiful.
And if I can be that reason?
If I can be the one to make you smile?
If I can make you skip to your office, come up with even more nicknames for us all?
If I can be the one to hold you closer than anyone?
If I can be the one to watch over you, watch you sleep as the sun rises?
Then all the better for me.
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