I couldn't help as I saw James and Jamie on the couch once again. He was hugging her, and she didn't seem to mind one bit. Of course she didn't mind, if she did would they still be dating?
I was kind of annoyed by the fact that no matter what, he always seemed to be with her. I kind of felt as though he was ignoring me to spend time with her. I can't tell you how much that hurt. He was, you know, sort of my best friend and all.
Still, it was like I was invisible to him. What made it worse was just how much I loved him.
At first I figured I was just jealous that he was spending time with her. That was even before they had started dating. I thought that, since James didn't usually talk much to anyone either than me, I was just jealous of Jamie getting his attention. Thought that eventually it would blow over and I wouldn't have to worry about it.
But even when he was spending time with me, I still wanted more. I wanted to be with him. I found myself hugging more often than I ever had. And… There was a strange temptation, one I wasn't used to. I had never really wanted to kiss someone before, but with James… I was starting to have that feeling a lot.
To me, that didn't sound like jealousy. If anything, it sounded like I was falling in love with him. Though, that was a silly idea. There was absolutely no way I was falling in love with my best friend. But, of course, it was a possibility. Even though I didn't think it was likely, it still could have been that way.
James hugged Jamie a bit closer, and she kissed him on the cheek. I wished that I was Jamie, something that I was starting to do more and more often. I wished I could be her, so that he would love me, and not just Jamie.
I loved him, that was that. But I could see that he didn't know. I didn't think he would ever know. And if I did tell him, would he even care? I didn't think so. He had Jamie, and he would always have Jamie.
It made me want to cry. I knew he didn't know. I knew that I should tell him, but I still didn't. And the longer that I didn't say anything, the more it hurt me. I felt a little like I was dying inside.
Why couldn't he see that I loved him? That I needed him? Was I not important to him anymore? Did he even love me anymore? I knew it was silly to even think this, but I couldn't help it. Was he forgetting me?
"James?" I asked, hoping that he would reply.
At first he didn't notice. I felt so lost that it was driving me crazy. I just wanted to cry. I couldn't help it.
"I'll… Talk to you later, then." I sighed, walking to my room, the one that James and I used to share.
A few minutes later I heard a small knock on the door.
"Just go away," I complained, not wanting to be seen, for fear of crying. I didn't want to cry. I don't think anyone wants to cry.
James didn't listen. He opened the door slowly, and sat on our old bed next to me. "You okay?" He asked, not looking at me. It was like he was preoccupied. Oh well.
"I'm fine." I lied, crying slightly. "I don't need any help from you." I felt as though I was going to die. I didn't know why, but I felt so hurt.
"I know that's not true, Ollie," James replied, hugging me slightly.
I couldn't help it, I kissed him, pushing him down onto the bed. After a few seconds I pulled away. "I'm sorry, I… I'll just…" My voice trailed off.
James sighed and hugged me again. "I love you, but… I promised that I was going to wait until we were older. Once we both knew how we felt.
I could tell that he was kind of sad. What was he not telling me?
"Tell me the truth, I want to know what you're thinking."
I felt my heart sink a bit. He wouldn't tell me that easily, would he?
"I love you. " He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I wanted to be with you, but you didn't want to be with me. I had to move on. And Jamie… I love her, really, I do. I love her a lot. She's not you, though. But I didn't want to hurt you. That's why I moved on. That's why I let my feelings for Jamie grow. That's… That's why."
I could tell that this was a painful topic. Maybe he really had liked me. Maybe I just blew my chance. Either way, I quickly pressed my lips against his again, pinning him to the bed. I couldn't help but want to stay like that forever, locked together with james by my side.
James kissed me back, which really threw me off guard. I had never even dreamed of him kissed me back.
Jamie knocked on the door, and it swung open. I was still on top of James, still kissing him. James pulled away. "Jamie…"
She shook her head a bit, and walked out of the room. I couldn't read her expression. I just knew that she was very upset.
She closed the door and walked out of the room.
