Title: Dating is for Losers
Warnings: crack, language, puns, dirty humor, excessive use of apostrophes and parentheses
Summary: Ichigo is mysteriously transported into a real-life dating sim at Karakura High. The only way out is to win the game, whether or not he wants to play. At least he has Ishida around to help him out. IchiIshi crackfic
AN: This was extremely fun to write. Like, way too much fun. Also, most of the one-liners I used were recommended by friends, but a lot of those were probably Googled so don't expect anything very original.
Theme song: "Dead on Arrival" by Fall Out Boy
"Player one, STAAAAART!"
The obnoxious blaring of Karakura High School's outdoor intercom resounds across the gloomy grounds as soon as Ichigo steps foot past the main gate. He doesn't give it a single thought as he joins a rushing crowd of fellow students entering the main building before a dismal rain begins to drizzle. Daily life seems so surreal after returning from the Blood War a few weeks ago, but why did he kill Yhwach if not to secure his mundane future? His due reward is the return of studying and tests and loud classmates.
That's fine. Ichigo isn't ungrateful. Sometimes he just wishes he didn't have to wear a mask for every encounter, be it social or martial. Meh, it's probably just the weather weighing on his mood. Though no one else seems to be affected by it, he observes as he walks into homeroom. A typical susurrus of colloquial exchanges envelops him like a familiar blanket. Ichigo approaches his cluster of close friends and equips his best casual smile like a shield.
"Kurosaki-kun, good morning!" twitters Inoue with a dangerously broad salute.
He ducks away from her sweeping hand and starts to reply but he notices something strange about the situation. There are two small, horizontal bars hovering between them, at around Inoue's waist-level. The letters 'HP' and numbers '50' mark the bright red one to the left, a dull blue twin is adorned with 'XP' and '0' to the right. He swipes at the floating enigmas but his hand goes straight through without disrupting the projection. Inoue gives him a curious look for the maneuver.
"Can't you see them?"
"See what, Kurosaki-kun?"
"These…things between us," he vaguely gestures, eyebrows scrunching deeper on their own. She giggles in affable confusion and idly straightens her beige uniform sweater.
"I'm not sure what you mean but it sounds fun, like super-secret invisible messages!"
(XP +5)
The notification pops into existence and drifts slowly skyward until it fades into oblivion. Ichigo's eyes follow its path in dawning concern. He swears he can taste a hint of chocolate on his tongue. Something very weird is happening here.
"You seriously didn't just see that?"
Inoue props a hand to her forehead as though shading her vision from the sun—even though it is darker than normal thanks to the heavy clouds outside—and playfully peers around the room. Spotting nothing extraordinary, she drops her arm to square her shoulders and click her heels together in mimicry of a reporting soldier.
"Perimeter is all clear, Captain!"
Those colored bars aren't the only bizarre things in the room, Ichigo muses in the wake of her spirited theatrics. Chad is seated at his desk beside them, paying absolutely no mind to their conversation.
"Chad, can you see what I'm talking about?" No response. His best friend doesn't even glance up, just keeps staring off in the general direction of the vacant teacher's desk. "Hey, Earth to Chad. Come in, space cadet. Hello?"
Ichigo waves in front of his face and doesn't even get a blink in reaction. Curly chestnut hair faintly flutters with the breeze his passing hand generates, otherwise it might as well not have happened. Frowning, he turns back to Inoue and isn't surprised to see she is patiently waiting for his focus to return to her. The wattage of her sunny smile dims under his pensive expression.
"Is something wrong, Kurosaki-kun?"
"Maybe. I don't know yet." Then he checks the ticking clock above the whiteboard and balks to see it indicating lunch time. "Who reset the time on that thing?"
"Hmm…it seems right to me."
"What are you talking about? Didn't we just get here?" Her puzzled frown sends a chill of alarm through him. "…The hell is going on?"
Leaving her pondering a response, Ichigo turns to their resident genius for answers. Ishida is quietly reading a novel at his desk like the chronic bookworm he is, seeming as though he stepped straight out of a brochure for how to properly wear a Japanese school uniform. Not a wrinkle, stain, or fleck of dust dares mar the fitted grey façade. Even his glossy hair is perfectly styled, not a strand out of place. Ichigo inwardly rolls his eyes at the OCD dork while being slightly envious since he actually looks kind of cool and poised. He doesn't realize the bars disappeared until they reappear as soon as he calls Ishida's name. The boy finishes the sentence he was reading and flicks his gaze to Ichigo's as if it's the last thing he'd prefer to do.
"What do you want, Kurosaki?"
Despite knowing it very much is, Ichigo doesn't take his frosty tone personally. It's easier to blame his brusque demeanor on the rain that Ishida doesn't like, either. Something about barometric pressure depressing his already low blood pressure…Ichigo hadn't been paying full attention at the time. To be honest, he rarely does but Ishida has yet to call him out on it with any real anger, so who cares?
"Can you see these?"
"You mean your hands?" he flatly asks with an arching eyebrow. "Yes, I can see you brandishing them about for no apparent reason."
"No, the—the bar thingies!"
Electing not to humor him a second longer, Ishida purses his lips and raises his book from the desktop it was lowered to. Ichigo plucks it from his grip and ignores the indignant scoff his hasty action elicits.
"I'm not messing around right now, Ishida. This is important."
The precise poke of a finger nudges his glasses into place on the bridge of his nose. Almost three years after they first met, it's still one of his favorite and most frequent gestures. Ichigo can't understand why he doesn't just switch to contacts if they slide around so much. They'd be a smarter option in battle, as well. Cheapskate probably refuses to shell out the cash for them.
"Are you in mortal danger?"
"I don't know. I could be."
"We all could be, Kurosaki. You'll have to give me a better reason to care than 'could be'. Now, relinquish my novel so I can finish the chapter before class resumes."
"That's just it: class hasn't even started yet because I only walked in ten minutes ago! Even if I somehow blacked out for half the day 'til lunch, why is everyone goofing off in here instead of eating?"
"Fair point."
"Thank you. Now, can we talk about—Hey!"
(HP -15)
Ichigo intends to impede his abrupt exit from the room but a jolt of pain startles him still as a chunk of the red bar vanishes. The ache only lasts for a moment but it is enough to send his heart into high-gear. He checks himself over for any conspicuous blue arrows but finds nothing amiss. If Ishida didn't sneakily shoot him with his spirit bow, where did that twinge come from? The frown comes back full-force as he glares toward the door, tracking Ishida's reiatsu to the cafeteria one floor below. That bastard really just ditched Ichigo to go eat by himself!
Gritting his teeth, he stomps back over to Chad and leans against the desk to meet eyes on his level. There is a hint of panic in the voice he uses to call his friend's name. Chad reacts this time, but it is only to give a thumbs-up and a nondescript 'muh'. Twice in a row. Next, he interrupts Keigo's incessant prattling with a similar result.
"Do your best, Ichigo!"
"Keigo, knock it off. What's wrong with Chad?"
"Do your best, Ichigo!"
"Tone it down, I said! Has everyone lost their mind this morning?"
"Do your best, Ichigo!"
The withering stare he levels at Keigo should earn at least a twitch of fear but the fool keeps right on grinning. Standing next to him, Mizuiro won't look up from his alight phone no matter what Ichigo yells. To his credit, he also doesn't respond when Keigo continues babbling at him. Tatsuki is listening to Mahana's gossip and absently juggling a soccer ball back and forth until he addresses her. The missing blue and red meters manifest once again.
"What's up, Ichigo?"
"Is this some sort of elaborate joke at my expense?" he asks her, indicating the other three he failed to communicate with. "Please tell me you can say something other than 'what's up'!"
"Of course I can, dummy. How can you be so energetic with this kind of weather?"
"Oh, thank goodness…Tatsuki, this is going to sound crazy but I can see these bar-things whenever I talk to certain people. No one else can see them and I have no idea what they mean. A few minutes ago, Ishida got pissed and ran off but I swear he stabbed me or something because—"
"Listen, do we really have time for this nonsense? Fourth period is starting soon."
Ichigo tosses a glance over his shoulder to check the clock and…it hasn't budged since the last time. Going over to it, he can clearly see the second-hand ticking along. Sixty ticks later the minute hand moves, too. Yet, as soon as he looks away and back it is in the same spot as before he walked over. Did he get sucked into a time loop in addition to most of the class becoming pod people? And where is their teacher? His day just keeps getting weirder!
Fed up with the farce, Ichigo knocks the bouncing soccer ball from Tatsuki's grasp. Her expression doesn't change and she rests emptied hands on her lap. Shouldn't she be kicking him or something? When he follows the ball's trajectory, it is nowhere to be found. Eyes swivel to his complacent friend and flare to see the black-and-white shape twirling in front of her once more. Shrewdly narrowing them, Ichigo bites back a frantic outburst and pauses to think.
He hates thinking. Thinking isn't his thing—it's Ishida and Inoue's, or even Chad's thing but they aren't exactly being helpful. So, now Ichigo has to analyze and postulate and strategize. Joy of joys!
It's obvious this isn't his reality, not entirely, which means someone must have put him here. Seeing as none of his allies would pointlessly subject him to this skewed scenario, it must be an enemy. In that case, why haven't they showed themselves? What are they waiting for? What is their goal?
Racking his brain for potential culprits, Ichigo eventually remembers a specific Fullbringer whose ability includes locking people into pre-constructed games. Except he hasn't seen any of them since Tsukishima and Ginjo showed up to help him defeat Yhwach. Why would Yukio randomly track him down to mess with his head? Why in this way? It doesn't make a speck of sense but it's all he has to go on.
If his assumption is right, the best option is to wait for the kid's handheld to run out of battery. Unless he is using the fast-forward feature, in which case Ichigo could be stuck here for days. So, maybe he should simply play the stupid game and beat it. Whatever that entails, it's surely better than staring out at the overcast sky for days on end. Why does it have to be rainy in the first place? Dramatic effect!?
Oh, he is going to kick that brat's ass after this, age difference or not!
All right, so this game, Ichigo ponders as he snaps himself on track. HP and XP sound pretty straightforward—he does own a console, after all—so perhaps the goal is to level-up? But the bars only appear when he is talking with someone, so the objective could be related to socialization. The fact that his interactions are limited to certain people can't be a coincidence, so there must be a particular prize he has to seek within that sphere. Maybe getting someone to say a key phrase or perform a deliberate action?
Keigo's sudden uproarious laughter is distracting. Now that Ichigo's focus is on him, a new idea occurs: dating simulation! That idiot has a habit of finding the lamest games and waxing inarticulate about them at length to anyone in range. In spite of his usual attempts to shut out Keigo's jabbering, he inevitably soaks some of it in. Ichigo has heard of several dating sims over the years and the layout is always the same. Talk to the girls and get one of them to fall for you, then kiss her to 'win' the game.
Dating is for losers, but that doesn't mean he can't kick ass at it.
Out of everyone in the class who would be easiest to woo, his first thought is of Inoue. It is basically impossible to annoy her and all he'd have to do is keep a conversation going until, uh…until he can kiss her. Ichigo cringes at the notion of using her as a way out of the game but he really doesn't like it here. Besides, this isn't really Inoue. This is a mock-up, a detailed representation of her created as a character in the game's 'plot'. However much any of them looks or smells or sounds or feels like themselves, it's all a lie. A trick of his senses, nothing more. Ichigo still vividly recalls exactly how excruciatingly convincing Yukio's abilities can be.
"Inoue."
She turns to face him and those bars immediately pop up. He is still missing about a third of his HP from that brush with Ishida. There has to be a way to refill it. Ichigo isn't keen to find out what happens if it dwindles to zero. Knowing those Fullbring bastards, it could kill him instantly. A nagging anxiety surfaces at the thought and he really hopes every rejection doesn't hit as hard as Ishida's.
"Yes, Kurosaki-kun?"
"What did you bring for lunch today?"
(XP +5)
"Oh, I brought lemon pudding with umeboshi and a side of fried rice!"
"Er…that sounds tasty," he fibs for the sake of fluid conversation. "Did you make that yourself?"
(XP +5)
"Yep! I would love to share some with you. Tell me what you think of the special seasoning I used."
"On the rice?"
"No, in the pudding, silly!"
Ichigo blanches. What kind of special seasoning goes into pudding? No, it's always best not to speculate when it comes to her culinary creations. He clears his throat and mutters something vaguely assenting.
(XP +5)
Well, this isn't so difficult at all. As he suspected, Inoue is easy to talk to and a safe experience booster. Ichigo levels up soon enough and is relieved to note his HP refills in tandem. He gets an extra five points tacked to the end of the bar, as well. Buoyed by success, he dives into the discussion and watches Inoue's appreciation register in a lengthening blue line.
The next level takes considerably longer. She starts to blush and fidget even though the topics remain totally inane. Nearly halfway to level three, her mannerisms shift shy no matter how Ichigo tries to keep it casual. Evidently, Inoue has an imperceptible bar of her own that his attentions are gradually filling. Watching her spiral into a raging crush over him is awkward as hell but he keeps at it, telling himself she's not the genuine article and he just wants to go home.
Alas, it is not to be.
In the middle of his reply to her question about whether narwhal horns might have telekinetic properties, she pivots on a heel and sprints from the room with a nervous parting phrase.
"Gotta go! See you later, Kurosaki-kuuuun~!"
He blinks after her in shock. Why in the world would she dash off like that? Bathroom break? Now that Ichigo thinks about it, he has been here for a couple of hours already and isn't feeling any of the usual human inclinations, much less seen anyone else exhibit them. Hunger, thirst, fatigue, bladder pressure—none have crossed his mind all morning. Aside from that brief sting of HP loss and tiny tastes of chocolate with every XP gain, Ichigo hasn't felt any such internal effects.
Sighing at the deductive dead-end, he resigns himself to a hide-and-seek mini-game.
Inoue is loitering by a vending machine outside the cafeteria when he finds her. One peep of him and she scampers off again.
"Wait, Inoue!" He gives chase, impatiently calling, "Why are you running?"
They play tag all over the school. Up and down the stairs, across the gymnasium, through the corridors, onto the sports fields. A couple of students try talking to him but he doesn't stop to chat. His HP is docked both times, five points for each snub. He might care if he weren't so intent on keeping pace with his target. And Ichigo has stamina for days but his temper lasts about five minutes before he is more aggravated than baffled. He skids to a stop on the safe side of a closing girls' room door and huffs with exertion. There is no chance he is following Inoue in there! It may be a moronic game but he isn't that desperate. Yet.
Rather than submit himself to humiliation, Ichigo plants his feet and waits. She has to come out eventually, right? In the meantime, there's nothing wrong with a little catharsis in the form of glaring at the portal blocking him from prospective freedom.
"This had better not be what it looks like, Kurosaki."
He whirls around to spy Ishida strolling down the hall toward him. The book he took with him to the cafeteria is held at his side, probably read cover to cover by now. The bars are back but Ichigo barely notices them.
"What does it look like?" he wants to know.
"It looks like I'll have to step in as Student Council president and protect some poor girl from your misguided ventures." Ichigo grimaces because it's true. How the hell did he know!? Then Ishida inclines his head toward the restroom as if listening to a voice only he can hear and asks, "Why is Inoue-san hiding from you?"
Ichigo thinks it's pretty unsettling that fake-Ishida can sense fake-Inoue's reiatsu just like real-Ishida would have been able to do.
"I don't know. That's why I'm standing out here, so I can ask why she up and ran in the middle of our conversation."
Striding over to fulfill that presidential duty he mentioned, Ishida pushes him away from the door and gives it a gentle knock.
"Inoue-san, are you all right? Has Kurosaki said something stupid again?"
"Hey!"
Ishida holds up a palm and shushes him. Ichigo resists the urge to shove him sideways and rip open the door to end this vexing charade. Inoue's diffident reply from the other side preempts any mild acts of violence.
"Ishida-kun? It's nothing! I was just being silly. It isn't Kurosaki-kun's fault."
"You don't have to lie for him. Tell me what he did and I'll make him apologize."
"I didn't do anything," Ichigo growls. Cold blue eyes cut askance at him, sparking with judgment.
(HP -10)
Ichigo takes it like a slap; it hurts about as much as one anyway. He wants to smack Ishida right back but he's down to thirty-five HP, so he can't afford the indulgence.
"Won't you come out of there, Inoue-san?"
"Um…I will, but not right now. If that's okay?"
A gentle sigh is reflected in the shift of Ishida's shoulders. He rounds on Ichigo with fresh layers of ice in his gaze. Rolling his eyes, he crowds Ishida away from the door to deliver the unnecessary apology, if only to get the other boy off his back.
"My bad, Inoue. I didn't mean to upset you or anything, though I'm not sure what I did wrong. Sorry."
(XP +20)
It's the most he's gotten in one go by far and he doesn't even know which of them it came from. Ichigo looks at the only one he can see and detects an element of approval in Ishida's expression. Hard to be sure, however, considering how purposely inexpressive he tends to be. Especially when he taps his glasses up to reflect the light and obscure his eyes. Why didn't he order anti-glare lenses like a sane person!?
They back away from the door, leaving Inoue to her conflicted state of mind in peace. Ishida meanders in the general direction of their classroom and Ichigo automatically follows. He hesitates to broach the subject directly after what happened last time, but he wants to pick Ishida's brain about his game scenario hypothesis. Call him crazy, but Ichigo would feel a lot better having someone he trusts lend credence to his assumptions.
"Do you remember Yukio? From Xcution?"
"How could I forget any of that ragtag bunch?" he bitterly retorts.
Yeah, the archer was right beside him when all that shit hit the fan. Even when Ichigo doubted his loyalty and screamed at him to back down, Ishida hadn't abandoned him. Ichigo draws to a stop in the empty hall and faces him for a long-overdue tête-à-tête. This HP/XP business must be inspiring him to be more diplomatic or some ridiculous crap like that.
"In case I never said it clearly, thanks for standing with me then, and every other time from that Menos battle on." Rubbing the back of his neck, Ichigo studies the floor as a tinge of embarrassment burns across his flesh. "I'm aware I have this habit of charging off on my own but even I realize I'd be dead a dozen times over without you and the others watching my back. So, I'm counting on you to keep dragging my ass out of the fire. I could really use your help this time, too."
For the duration of this heartfelt monologue Ishida is a blank slate, but at the conclusion…
(XP +200)
(Level +1)
(Level +1)
It is chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate ice cream all rolled into one. The unprecedented boost gets him to level four and almost all the way to level five. Ichigo's mouth waters and he gulps in astonishment as the source of his impromptu sugar rush fiddles with his glasses and lightly clears his throat.
"Is this in regards to what you were yammering about earlier? The 'bar-thingies'?"
"Uh…Yeah." He's still recovering from that massive experience gain and the implications therein. No, he doesn't want to delve into that dangerous stream of thought.
A shallow frown emerges. Ishida crosses his arms and tersely prompts, "Tell me about them."
"Really? Ah—yeah, okay!"
So, Ichigo hurriedly tells him all about the bars and everything else he has observed since he showed up to school that day. Listening intently, Ishida makes a face at the words 'dating simulation' but holds his comments until the end. By the time he gets around to explaining what he was trying to do with Inoue, the wintry edge is back.
"Your plan is to seduce Inoue-san!?" he hisses in heated outrage. "Have you completely lost all honor, Shinigami?"
"She's not real, Ishida. Neither are you."
(HP -20)
The resulting zing really smarts and Ichigo curses past a hard wince. All right, that wasn't the wisest thing he's ever said.
"Maybe you are the one who isn't real," snarls Ishida. "Have you considered that?"
"Well, no. 'I think, therefore I am' ring a bell?"
"Don't quote Descartes at me, solipsistic imbecile! I can't believe you would toy with her emotions like that! Real or conjured, Inoue-san is Inoue-san and I will not allow you to break her heart for the sake of convenience!"
(HP -20)
"Shit," he grits past the pain. Only twenty-five points left. If they keep on at this rate, Ichigo is seriously gonna croak! "Will you stop getting mad at me? I already said I was sorry! I'm not enjoying any of this! Why do you think I tried to talk to you about it before? I knew you of all people could come up with a better plan, but you wouldn't give me the time of day!"
Ishida doesn't respond right away but his demeanor hasn't softened one bit. A wave of weariness has Ichigo swaying on his feet. He reaches out to brace against the wall and scowls to hear his breathing pick up like he just fought a captain-class battle.
"Kurosaki, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing. I'm fine." He steps forward and starts to object to that blatant lie but, feeling like the creepiest creeper in the history of Creepdom, Ichigo decides to give up on her entirely and declares, "If it bothers you that much, I won't bug Inoue anymore. I'll find another way to beat the game. Happy?"
"No."
(XP +50)
(Level +1)
There's level five. Ichigo licks his lips and smirks. "Liar."
(XP +20)
(HP -10)
Groaning at his own relentless stupidity, he sinks to the ground and props against the wall. Between the pain and the chocolate, his head is spinning. Buzzing pleasantly and throbbing warningly. It figures Ishida's mercurial nature would make for one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. Things must be so messed up inside that guy's brain! But Ichigo isn't much better off most of the time.
"Are you ill? Do I need to drag you to the nurse's office?" he threatens, bending forward for a closer look at him. "You seem flushed."
Ichigo snorts at that. He hasn't gotten to the part about the side-effects of losing HP and gaining XP. He hasn't even admitted Ishida is an active member of the sim, like Tatsuki and Inoue! Maybe it's best if he stays in the dark on that front. It's awkward enough that Ichigo knows about it and he doesn't want to ruminate on why that might be.
"I'm fine, I said. Why don't you put that egghead of yours to use and tell me how I'm wrong so I can fix it?"
Regardless of the slight jibe, Ishida doesn't take another whack at his health meter. He regards Ichigo for a dubious moment before moving to sit beside him. A thoughtful hum precedes his prevarication.
"Amazingly enough, I'm compelled to agree with you. Based on what you've told me, this could very well be a version of that child's 'Invaders Must Die' Fullbring. From the spatial distortion event with Arisawa-san to the various chronological and physiological aberrations, it is clear a powerful force is at work here. Whether for good or evil remains to be seen."
Normally, he hates it when Ishida starts with the fast-talking techno-jargon but in this situation he gets a big fat 'pass'.
"I, for one, think it's pretty fucking evil to trap me in a cycle of one irritating social encounter after another. Not to mention the weather!" They peer over at one of the rain-sluiced windows comprising a long row bordering the hall in tacit agreement. Ichigo turns to him and asks, "So, what do I do? How do I get out of the game without having to kiss anybody?"
Ishida touches his chin and furrows his brow in careful consideration. The classic thinking pose almost always results in some insightful revelation and Ichigo anticipates it with bated breath.
"Have you tried leaving the school grounds? In case it isn't a Fullbringer at all, it could be a dimensional containment kidou with hallucinatory aspects that—"
"Uh-huh, I get it. Wait here."
Hauling himself upright, Ichigo lazily jogs through the school and out the main door to the gate. Attempting to step through it makes the world flash white and he is suddenly transported back into homeroom. No one cries out in surprise to see him randomly appear there. They are all just as he left them. Spine slouching in defeat, he returns to the hall and occupies his cooling spot beside Ishida.
"You respawned in the classroom? Like in a video game?"
"Ew, don't say 'spawn', I'm not a salmon. But yes, I did."
"The only other viable alternative is something like mass hypnosis but the only person endowed with that ability is—"
"Aizen. As far as I know, he's still Seireitei's bitch, so…"
(XP +20)
Something resembling a snicker has him turning to stare at the archer. Ishida bites his lip against the small smile he didn't mean to show and turns to let dark hair hide his features. Ichigo has no idea why it would be important to refrain from displaying amusement and he wonders if this is the reason he has scarcely heard Ishida laugh in all their time as friends.
"Short of destroying everything in sight with your bankai—which I am not advocating, for the record," even if Ishida gave him the green light to go nuts with Zangetsu, Ichigo doesn't have his badge on him to draw out his spirit anyway, "you may have no choice but to play within the bounds of the game and hope victory brings it to a close."
"Are…are you saying I've gotta kiss someone after all?"
"You say that like it's a death sentence."
"Might as well be," mumbles Ichigo, calculating how many hours it could take to bolster his tenuous relationships with any of their classmates. "Who's gonna let me? Do you think if I asked reeeally nicely, Tatsuki might do me a huge favor?"
"I don't believe it's a matter of 'favors' or negotiation at all, Kurosaki. What would be the point of the game if you could earn a kiss with sympathy or force? No, dating sims are all about courting your partner, not duping them."
Unable to resist, he teases, "How do you know so much about it, Ishida? Have you been borrowing Keigo's PSP?"
Ichigo belatedly braces for the HP hit that never comes.
(XP +20)
"Shut up, Kurosaki. Just be glad I know about them without asking useless questions." There is absolutely no bite to his words and no anger in his voice, so he doesn't understand why Ishida bothers trying to act tough. "Heaven knows you lack any semblance of social graces. Shall I be your Cyrano?"
"I can't think of a single girl in our class who even likes poetry."
"More is the pity. 'Love is not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks'—"
"'But bears it out…even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved'." His incredulity is palpable, mouth parted and eyes widened. Ichigo smiles. "Don't look at me like that, Ishida, it's only one of Shakespeare's most famous sonnets. But I figured you more for Blake than the bard."
(XP +100)
Level six is a notch away and Ichigo isn't even trying. What if instead of chasing skirts, he could just chase Ishida and then—Nononononono. So much no. He is not even going to acknowledge that horrendous idea.
A click draws their attention down the hall as Inoue charily emerges from the ladies' room. She spots them lounging there, seemingly without a care in the world. And darts off in the opposite direction. Ichigo teeters to a weary stand and paces into homeroom with Ishida in tow. Of all the endeavors he could conceivably attempt, sweet-talking one of his classmates is so far down the list it's not even funny. At least he has an ally now.
