Disclaimer: This is self insertion and I inserted my friends as well, if you don't find it that interesting that might be because you aren't in my circle of friends. If you do it's because I am awesome and a great writer which I doubt.

I also don't own these characters, go figure.

Chapter one: IT BEGINS!!!!!!

Ouran High School: home of the elite. The social lives of students are based first on wealth, then on power. In the hallowed halls of the school of upward standing two dark haired girls donning freshly pressed female uniforms wandered the halls aimlessly with musical instruments in tow. The girl on the right was tall and curvaceous, with square, black-rimmed glasses and dark red hair pulled into a half-ponytail. She carried flute case. The other girl was shorter with raven hair draped around her shoulders and side-swept bangs. Her flawless alabaster skin was the envy of girls who saw it. She carried a violin case.

"Neko-chan," said the raven-haired girl sourly, "This school lacks certain intellectual properties. I mean, it costs a fortune to attend here, but I don't think it's worth it; there are too many rich people."

The tall girl laughed, "It is still a pretty good school, Rei-chan. It'll look great when we apply to college. Imagine the universities we could get into, maybe even in America..."

After a time they found themselves looking upon a room in the music hall boasting a large number three.

"Nobody's registered to use this room, I checked. Want to practice here?" Neko asked her companion.

Rei looked around; the halls were deserted here. It struck her as odd since the school's population was large, new students from rich families were constantly transferring to the school as soon as they could afford it. And these students were usually idly milling around every available space where somewhat more down-to-Earth people could be getting something constructive done.

"Good enough for me," Rei stopped at the door and listened, "Wait, I hear voices inside… you really want to go in?"

"Yeah, I do. If they're not other musicians than they're like all the other students here: loafing around. If it's the latter then someone's going to get a piece of my mind, I'm sick of this."

Rei couldn't disagree, and joined her friend in opening the double doors. What they found on the other side of the door may once have been a music room, but had lost all appearances of one. There was a lack of music stands, instruments, and anything related to music. There were, however, a variety of tables, chairs, chases, and loveseats of the highest quality being occupied by a gaggle of girls, all of whom were enraptured by seven examples of male beauty at its finest. The two girls just stood at the doorway and stared inside, not noticing the instrument cases dropping their hands.

Hearing the crash of the cases, one of the handsome creatures approached them congenially. He had dark hair, thin glasses, and sly eyes. "Welcome ladies," he said with a voice smoother than butter, "to the Host Club. I am Ootori Kyoya. I believe this your first time here?"

Both girls nodded vaguely, wondering where 'here' was. Surely they had stumbled down some rabbit hole. Surely this many beautiful men couldn't possibly exist in one place without some kind of dimensional rift or black hole appearing in consequence. Kyoya looked the girls over carefully. Shouri Rei, freshman, father's company sells components necessary to make everything from jets to missiles. Nekoike Hotaru, freshman, called 'Neko' by her friends, father recently broke huge international deal as private contractor in the technology sector. They went to the same school prior to transferring to Ouran. Nouveau riche, hardly worth Kyoya's time. Except… except, he recalled, that the Self Defense Force had recently put together a lucrative and rather quiet deal with both Shouri Corp. and the Nekoike Group to put their heads together to work on project classified by the government. Both could become huge names in business in the next several years. And the Ootori family never had enough friends who helped arm the militia.

Kyoya put on a charming smile. "The Host Club exists when the idle ladies of Ouran wish the company of an equally idle gentleman. We cover all the needs of our customers. The one on the sofa with the six girls and the roses is our King, Suou Tamaki." The girls surveyed a blond-haired, violet-eyed prince capturing the heart of a half-dozen girls. "If you are more of the loli-shouta type, Hunny-sempai will be happy to entertain you." There was a young-looking blond shoving a piece of cake into his mouth and then sharing some with his stuffed bunny. "Or," Kyoya continued, "If you are searching for something a little different, we have Mori-sempai, our wild-type." Several girls were sipping tea silently, staring admirably at a tall and toned young man. "But, if you're looking for some trouble, we have a devilish pair, Hikaru and Kaoru." He gestured toward a few tables crowded with giggling girls and two handsome identical faces. "If you're looking for natural charm, visit with Haruhi, our commoner." Short brown hair was combed above a feminine face and large innocent eyes.

"And I, of course, am a host as well. Pick any host you like and he will entertain you for an allowed time. The first time is free. Who would you like to be your hosts?"

The two girls looked at each other and then back at the stunning choices that lay before them. They then took a step back to talk in private. "What do you think? It's free, but after that we'll need to take money out of our allowances." Rei saw her bank account shriveling.

"I like the pretties," Neko said in a fog.

"I like the pretties too. They're like manga characters, I want them all. Oh god, how am I supposed to choose?"

"The little one is kind of cute but I'm not a child molester."

"That blonde haired guy looks like a foreigner."

"I think he's saying something in French…"

"The other black haired guy looks kind of scary."

"Mmm… scary… Am I the only one that thinks that brown haired guy looks kind of like a girl?"

"Well look at the shoes, you're the one who says the only sure-fire way to tell is the shoes they wear."

Neko looked at everyone's shoes, indeed they were all wearing men's shoes.

"I think I want to double my pleasure with those two," Rei announced to no one in particular, her eyes set on the twins.

Neko looked at the wild one, "Can I have him?"

"Excellent choices. You have an hour with us, enjoy your stay."

At that moment the clock struck three and a large majority of the girls ended their sessions with their hosts. Rei was seated on a sofa across from the pair of dreamboats, and Neko took a chair at the table with the tallest host.

"So," Rei said in an awkward attempt to start a conversation, "what do you normally do here?"

"Normally," Kaoru started, "the ladies like to talk…"

"And we listen," Hikaru finished for him.

"But when you're with the Hitachiin Brothers, we like to play games," they said together.

"Like what?" Rei asked with a smile, she liked them already.

"We have lots of games, don't we, Kaoru?" Hikaru asked with heavy intonations.

Kaoru blushed, "Hikaru, we said we wouldn't talk about that here."

Oh yeah, Rei definitely liked them. A lot. Blood trickled down her nose.

"So," Neko said, "This is kind of like a party every afternoon?"

"Aa," was Mori's reply.

Neko melted a little on the inside at the sound of his deep voice. Little hearts appeared above her head. "So, Mori-sempai," she said, "I heard you do kendo, is that correct?"

"Aa," he said again.

The girl's heart started racing, she adored a man in uniform. "I watch it on TV sometimes, but I've never tried it. I'm more of an outdoors kind of girl. Do you do much camping, sempai?"

"Aa," he said. There was a pause, and then, "I go with my brother in the summer."

"Ever camp in Hokkaido? There's great canoeing up there."

"Aa," Mori said again, "My family has summer and winter houses in Hokkaido. Satoshi and I kayak when we're there." Mori's normally stoic face was alert with interest.

Hikaru and Kaoru lost no time in having Rei in fits of laughter. She felt like she had known them for years. They weren't like the other guys she had met so far at Ouran; snobby and stand-offish. They gave off a sense of relaxation and humor, and in that spirit Rei decided to get her money's worth, and promptly sat herself across the twins' laps. They shared a look of surprise.

Kyoya observed these unusual girls, making notes in his little black notebook.

Omake:

XellosRei: Hey there, this is Rei, the place where the ideas happen. I hope you have enjoyed this thus far. I hope to be able to keep writing and eventually put and end to this.

Neko: im neko i edit i maek it sund gud. i ish aw3som3 riting lolz!!1!1!1!!eleven1!! No seriously, the flourishes are all mine ;3