AN: This is my first work of fiction. Comment freely. I would appreciate constructive criticism. Anyway, this story is about Sasuke. I've always felt the manga had glossed over some important points of his childhood. So much of Sasuke's life is trapped by angst and tragedy. Those images overwhelm the more subtle points of his character. He was also driven insane. I want to portray him as I see him, a powerless hero trapped in a world full of hate and death. He tries to save things but fails too often. Ultimately, it drives him to seek absolute power - for control, security, and sanity. This story is about Sasuke - about his torment, his dreams, and his struggle to survive. Thanks for reading.


Prologue: The Orphan

Shlick, the sword slipped in easily. This was the thousandth time. Blood pooled in my lungs, sending crashing waves of pain in my torso. He knew exactly how to make it hurt. How to kill.

Itachi was always so gifted with blades.

The man in front of me was handsome: classical features were framed by thick black hair, tied in a loose ponytail that trailed down to a slender pale neck. His eyes - pupils spinning madly - were still trained on me.

It should have been a beautiful day. The gravel lining the roads in the Uchiha compound was flat, unmarked by the day's carts. The sky was clear and the sun shined. Toshio's candy shop was just about to open. Sakura flew in the air of the morning breeze. It was the beginning of spring, the mark of a new year.

Everything should have been beautiful.

Everything was red.

Red like his eyes. My brother's eyes.

"Sasuke." His voice was smooth, delicate, like honey dripping out of a jar. It used to be comforting.

"You have such nice eyes," he said, almost wistfully. His fingers neared my forehead. So close I could see the lines of his fingertips, the perfectly manicured nails, till everything became blurry.

He brushed my lashes tenderly - lovingly.

I screamed.


Sweat ran down my body, sticking the sheets to my skin. It felt unpleasant, like there was a thin film of oil, but I was used to it. I dreamed of him too often not to be.

It was the anniversary of my parents' massacre. It stung even now… When I came home from the academy to find my brother's sword run through my father. And mother.

"Sasuke! Don't look "My father collapsed in a heap, staining our floor red. My mother was wearing her favorite white apron on her purple dress. Her onyx hair, usually so perfect, hung in disarray clenched into my brother's fist. His red eyes peered at me in greeting. "Hello, Sasuke," he said cheerfully. And then his kunai went through her -

No. I would not be dazed today. I would pay my respects.

I tossed the wet sheets to the side and walked to my closet. I picked out a white robe. The cloth was fine and soft. Expensive. It belonged to my father when he was a boy.

I wore it today because I would once again attempt the dance. I cleared my thoughts and headed towards the temple. It was the tallest building in the compound but also the most bare.

The walls were thin and old but well-preserved. Faded green tatami lined the floors. In the center was a simple brown cushion. It was there I knelt, standing in front of the Uchiha credo, written in age-old calligraphy - Become the Flame. I knelt here every month.

Blue bottles filled with dirt lined the shelf in front of me, sticking out of them were incense sticks. A trick of chakra manipulation and they were lit. Cinnamon permeated the air – my father's favorite.

I prayed to my ancestors for a full hour. In perfect stillness, I could hear the cicadas and the crickets. The chirping, the breeze of spring, and the piercing sound of silence.

I walked to the courtyard. Sand and pebbles mixed together in the pattern of balance. Yin and Yang. I maintained it every week. It was where I practiced my katas, much like the one I would do today. It was large enough to fill a force of fifty. Now it would hold only me.

Standing in the center, I bowed. And then I started.

My feet moved in waves, in patterns, in endless circles. The balls of my feet marked the fine sand of my garden. My arms flowed in unison. Breathe coursed through my lungs and exhaled out of my mouth. I inhaled deeply, fully. Chakra moved from the tips of my toes to the edge of my fingers. It swept across my skin pulsing red and orange. Like fire dancing along the serpent's body.

The Form of the Dragon was beautiful. The last kata of the Uchiha taijutsu, unknown even to Itachi. It was reserved for the clan head. When the heir would ascend to lord of the Uchiha, he would dance this dance in front of the elders. It was purely ceremonial. A spiritual call to what lies beyond the human ken.

The head of Uchiha used to be more than just a ninja or an administrator. He was a Shaman, an avatar connecting soul and body, the afterlife and our life here. This dance was our tradition, our history.

I danced it well.

The final portion of the dance involved the fire jutsu I learned when I was eight. Katon: Fireball, once it was mastered, you were a man. It was the mark of power and control.

The dragon dance required both in extreme measure. With my rudimentary shape manipulation, I controlled the flame. From a great ball beginning at my mouth, it spiraled along my body, following the line of chakra I had prepared before. There was no rush here. The flames moved slowly, caressing the air languidly.

Uchiha never fear flame.

It split in two and then four. The flames coalesced into serpents, tongues flashing fire. Four dragons spun while I danced. I had read in the scrolls that my father could manage six. I had yet to surpass him.

No doubt Itachi would have managed twelve.

Shaking those thoughts away, my body angled towards the sky and the dragons were let loose. Firing into the sky of my deserted courtyard, they exploded in a mighty roar.

I closed with a bow to my silent audience.

There was no one here. No one was ever here, in the cursed compound. But I imagined my mother and father clapping all the same.

I retreated to the house, walking along the fine nightingale floors. I made no sounds as I washed my body. After dressing myself and eating some light onigiri with plum, I left for the training ground.

It was my first C-ranked mission. It would dishonor the Uchiha if I were late.


"HEY! Teme! Sensei's late again!"

The grating sound of Naruto's voice filled the air. Everything about him was loud, from the tacky orange and blue jumpsuit he wore to his bright yellow hair. His existence was in perfect opposition to the silence I had achieved earlier this morning.

It was annoying.

"Hn." I responded.

"Bastard… If you're so smart how come all you say is Hn. Hn?" Because anything more complex might hurt your brain and you should know by now that Kakashi is always late, is what I would say but...

"Hn."

A vein popped in Naruto's forehead. "Why you!" Naruto stomped over. From behind, Sakura lopped him in the head. "Idiot! Stop bothering Sasuke." Her features softened and she bat her eyes prettily at me. "Good morning, Sasuke. Don't mind the dobe. Our first mission together is going to be so…" She trailed off …"romantic." Exploding into a fit of giggles she left to the periphery of my awareness.

Sakura was another kind of idiot. How she could switch from brutal to demure so quickly, I couldn't comprehend. She wasn't really worth a response either. Book-smart she may be, but when it came to life outside of Matsuo Basho she couldn't hold two sticks together.

"Sakura! I could totally be romantic for you this trip!" Naruto sported a cheesy grin.

She threw him a withering glare that even I found impressive. "Shut up, Naruto! Not you!" Naruto looked stricken. Of course this happened on a daily basis, but he had short-term memory when it came to Sakura.

Their antics were amusing. And it was fun pissing Naruto off but I'd honestly rather have competent teammates. These two were anything but.

I sighed. I found a nice tree I could lean on. The shade felt nice and I like trees. Trees were always around me in Konoha. They were our constant companions. Solid, earthy, lasting. Leaning against trees was a comfort. The bark felt nice against my back. The black I wore blended into its shadow. I devoted the next thirty minutes mentally reviewing the basic hand seals and their functions. Naruto and Sakura's chatter filled the silence in the meantime.

"Yo. My beloved students." How –

Impossibly, I felt the branch on top of me move. Somehow the intruder had escaped my senses.

Tch, this was just another way I was behind Itachi.

My face didn't show any surprise when he appeared in the center of us. He was incredibly tall, nearing 6 feet. That didn't count his silver hair, which stuck out at a slight angle. It looked struck by lightning. A thick band covered his left eye. Behind it held my clan's legacy.

"Kakashi," I muttered in recognition. Naruto was babbling something about his being late.

He could make his eyes smile on command. Our instructor at the academy said that the eyes were always a tell when you were trying to find out who was lying. With Kakashi, you could never tell. A consummate master of body language, stealth and supposedly a thousand techniques. I longed for the knowledge he held, but there was no denying how infuriating this man was.

He pulled out a worn pink book. It read, "Icha-icha: Tactics." Kakashi was well-known for carrying porn around children.

"Ah sorry. I walked through an alley full of Tengu. Their swords kept me busy for some time."

Kakashi was also well-known for his penchant for bullshit.

"No one's ever seen a Tengu, baka!" Naruto cried. "Well, I guess I was lucky to be the first one then!" Kakashi responded cheerily.

Sakura's mouth was slightly agape. They both weren't used to him yet. Neither was I, but being around Naruto and Sakura for so long had trained me to ignore unpleasant realities.

Behind him walked out the Bridge Builder – Tazuna. We were going to escort him to Wave. I could smell the alcohol from his grubby overweight form. Dirt and hair covered his entire body, making him look more ape than man. Lines trailed along his face betraying his old age. He hid them behind thick misshapen glasses and a worn sweat-stained headband. The callouses on his hands showed he'd been in construction for quite some time. He looked like standard scum. But he was also standard elderly scum.

And… as a client, I would tolerate him.

"So… You brats are going to bring me to Wave, huh. Jonin-san, I can't believe I paid all this money for a bunch of pre-pubescent kids." He pointed at me, "this one looks like she hasn't had her period yet!"

I narrowed my eyes. That fucker. My hair was slightly longer than average and my features quite delicate, but it was absolutely – Absolutely – clear that I was masculine. Elder client or no, I was going to kick his ass. My fingers were already itching around my shuriken packet when –

"Tazuna –san. We can always upgrade you to a set of Chuunin if you're willing to pay for a B-class mission." Kakashi must have managed to make his eye-smile look dangerous because that fucking Bridge Builder shut up.

"Ehehe. Nah. I'm good. You super ninja better take super good care of me! Hahahaha." Tazuna dragged on the word super like he was afraid of letting it slip out of his mouth. I hated it. I also hated his laugh.

This mission was off to a terrible start.

"Of course! Oji-san! You got me to protect ya. Uzumaki Naruto, future Godaime Hokage!" Naruto thumbed at himself, smiling eye to eye. The idiot was still excited. Naruto was entirely starved for affection. He was jumping around like an academy student.

"That supposed to be you?" Tazuna bent down and inspected Naruto like he would a five-year old. "You don't look like a Hokage to me, brat."

Naruto's grin fell. In the month I'd known him, I realized that Naruto only cared about three things: friendship, Ramen, and Hokage. Tazuna had just insulted two of those things.

He growled, "Yeah well you look like a monkey-dog, you old bastard!" Naruto almost leapt forward when Kakashi grabbed his collar. By that point, I'd realized it was best to just ignore the crotchety old shit.

If I was being completely honest, I couldn't shake of my nerves. This would be my first time leaving the village since my parents were alive. They used to take Itachi and me to our ancestral farm near the southern edge of the Land of Fire.

I suppose this would be a fitting end to their anniversary. Outside the looming red walls of Konoha, I would start my life anew – as a full-fledged ninja.

Despite Naruto's loudness, he looked nervous too. He was still boisterous but it felt slightly forced. He also kept fidgeting with his fingers. Sakura was surprisingly the calmest one. Then again, she probably thought this was going to be some stupid bonding experience with me.

I only seemed to attract the ditzy girls.

Two meters from the gate, I snapped out of my reverie. The great wooden doors looked massive to me. I had never been so close to them before. They were made from the first wood of the Shodaime. Chakra-infused and ancient, there wasn't a scratch on them. A testament to the longevity of the First's power.

The two chuunin guarding it pulled a black iron lever and the doors opened. The hinges were so well-oiled and so well-designed there wasn't even a slight peep. The doors opened just wide enough for the five of us to exit.

I peered through the opening, trying to take in the sight of everything not-Konoha. A well-trod dirt road lay before me, extending the first 20 meters.

Beyond those gates that beaten dusty path stared at me in challenge. The foliage wasn't anything new to me, but I hadn't ever seen it so expansive before.

I gulped. My palms were slightly sweaty. Still, my gaze was on the horizon.

I walked out of the gate in trepidation of our newest adventure.