Carlos had been acting a little sad. He mentioned things about the way the world works that people generally ignore in order to keep their heads high. He began spending alot of time alone. Avoiding us and locking himself away in his room. The first couple weeks i thought nothing of it until i noticed he wasnt doing all the things we used to do. Watching the walking dead sunday nights, wed always re watch it a couple of times after everyone went to bed. Logan didnt sleep tho, he has this weird obsession right now where he stays up late researching creepy shit and trying to explain it away with logic on twitter. Carlos would always be smiling unless something intense happened. it was the third sunday i had to watch it alone. he didnt even see Daryl last week and thats his favorite character he cried harder when daryl was shoved into the van than when glen said "Maggie ill find you" and that line fucked me over.

I got up from the couch during the first commercial. the beginning of the episode was boring and i had gotten confused, it was when i nearly asked the boy who wasnt there a question when i looked back at his bedroom door. I knocked. Nothing, at first i wandered if he was even in there. Maybe hes been climbing out the window to go to some depressing AA meeting he didnt want to tell anyone about. Carlos doesnt drink. So then i began to think about the last time i had actually seen carlos. Two days priar. Kendal, Logan, and katie were all out doing there own thing both days. Kendal stayed the night at joes, Logan hasnt left his room either but he was live tweeting the same time the walking dead was on so i knew he was "okay". Katie was hired on as the staffs security to help pay for her college courses and she was in the lab all day. Mama knight was hanging around me all day and all day yesterday she was in her room reading. She didnt want to tell carlos goodnight she was worried she might disturb him. What if he had hurt himself? Or worse...

Carlos is my best friend, i knew i had every right to barge in and im glad i did when i did. He was sitting on the ledge, i could here him quietly sobbing. He probably didnt hear me. between the sound of the fans in his room to the traffic. Our apartment was shaded by the building next to it but the cars were so many. I didnt know what to do at first. I didnt know the situation, nor did i know if he would even do it. I didnt want to scare him. All i could think about was getting him back in the room safe and comforted. I remembered this scene from saint elmos fire. Where the guy came in and just held her. Carlos liked that scene it made him smile. Then again she wasnt in the window sill. Carlos was romantic, he believed in a loving touch. So i knew exactly what to do. I unbuttoned my flannel and tossed it to the ground. I walked over to the window seal and bent down slightly. I ran my arms up through his shirt slowly wrapping them around him and i slowly lifted him into my arms and out of the window sill. i sat down and cradled him to me looking at his face. his eyes were wet, his smile faded, face pale.

"carlos." I whispered in his ear as i nudged his face the way a dog would a child who was crying. He looked into my eyes and a tear slipped down his face. His bottom lip began to quiver. He was confused and hurting all at the same time. "i need to tell you something." I didnt have a clue what was wrong but i knew he wasnt happy with life. i never thought it would become this bad so i told him. "i love you." He was my best friend. he meant everything to me. wed been inseparable from the start. the fact that he was so miserable that he wanted to die kinda made me want to die. He needed me. I hadnt been there but i was there now. And i was damn sure that he was my everything.