Okay, there are a few things I'd like to say before I begin this. First off, obviously, I don't own Slayers (though I do own the first three seasons, digitally remastered, on DVD).
Next, I just want to explain this fic a bit. It's my second one ever, so please don't be harsh. It was originally supposed to be one of those completely insane humor things, but somewhere along the way, the humor part was dropped and now it's just completely insane. It's not supposed to make sense in the least, it's not supposed to have a plot, and it is supposed to be kind of OOC. The reason sanity and plot is lacking is not just that I'm a terrible writer (though, actually, I really am).
Finally (I'm almost done, don't worry), I've already written up to chapter eight of this story, so I'm going to be putting up the chapters two at a time (mostly because they're kind of short).
Let's get on with the story then. Enjoy!
I. The Lord of Nightmares Gets Bored
The Lord of Nightmares was bored. And when the Lord of Nightmares is bored, bad things happen. Like, for example, at this particular time that the Lord of Nightmares got bored, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Zelgadis, Xellos, and Filia were having a perfectly normal day (which is to say, complete with various females repeatedly bashing certain males with maces and/or fireballs, an excessive amount of food, and a frustrating lack of romantic development) when the Mother of All Things decided to ruin their lives. Again.
Since it had began as a perfectly normal day, not many abnormal things were happening. Lina was in the middle of devouring a particularly scrumptious piece of meat, which she had just fought Gourry for. Zelgadis was just about to say, "Damn you, Rezo," for the twenty-second time that hour (Amelia, in between singing verses about the joys of justice, had been counting). Xellos and Filia were having a lovers' spat—uh...I mean, a fight. They were having a fight.
And it was at this particular moment, when Lina was just about to take another ravenous mouthful of her hard-earned meat, that the Lord of Nightmares picked her and her friends up and dumped them in a completely unrecognizable place, with this powerful proclamation: "Lina Inverse and company, because I am bored and I have infinite power (and because the almighty authoress wills it), I have removed you from your world and deposited you in a place called 'Modern Day Earth'. There is only one way for you to return home, and that is…to go on a road trip!"
Lina wailed, collapsing to the ground. "My FOOOOOOOODDDD!"
Everyone sweatdropped, including the Lord of Nightmares.
"Miss Lina, we've just been dragged from our world and threatened with this thing called a…a…road trip, and all you can think about is food?!" Amelia cried.
Lina had no response for this other than to sob, her head in her hands.
"Well, I must be going then," the Lord of Nightmares said apologetically, disappearing. "I've left you a car, over there. I'll be watching!"
"That's not creepy at all," Gourry commented.
"Get yourself together, Lina," Zelgadis snapped. "We have to figure out a way to get home. Or find out if this weird place has a way to get me back to normal."
"Well, let's get going then!" Xellos prodded. "Time for a road trip!"
II. Road? Trip?
Lina, finished with her breakdown, stood and looked around. She had never seen any place quite like this one. It was too bright, and the buildings looked awkward, as they weren't made of stone or wood or anything she'd ever experienced before. The grass she was standing on was short and brownish, and trees were few and far between.
"So, where are we?" asked Filia, glancing around wildly.
"Hm…" Xellos mused. "It would seem that the Lord of Nightmares has found a cure for her boredom by transporting us to suburbia."
"What was that she said about a road trip?" Zelgadis queried.
"Um, Lina? What is a road trip?" Gourry asked.
Lina smacked him upside the head, grumbling, "Jellyfish br…actually, Gourry, that's a good question. I don't know what a road trip is."
Xellos pulled one of his magical guide books out of nowhere. "A road trip," he read, "is when a person or a groupd of people drive around in a car to see various tourist attractions or visit certain areas."
"So…it's like…a vacation?" Amelia offered.
"Some vacation this is," Zelgadis scoffed.
"What is…'driving' and 'car'?" Gourry questioned.
"Well, I do believe a car is one of those things," Xellos answered, pointing out a large metallic-looking object that was making strange, loud noises and smelled bad. It sat, vibrating and puffing, on top of some rough black surface.
"What is it, exactly?" Filia asked, awe and fear touching her voice.
"A car is a passenger-carrying road vehicle, usually with four wheels and powered by an internal-combustion engine," Xellos explained.
Amelia looked mystified.
"So it's something you ride in," clarified Zelgadis. "Like a wagon or a cart."
"But it doesn't have any horses or anything," Filia protested. "How does it move?"
"I don't know, but we should definitely try it!" Lina exclaimed, taking off towards the vehicle. The others followed more cautiously, frightened of the contraption that was making strange noises.
"Is it magic?" breathed Amelia when she reached it, slowly extending her fingers to touch the smooth, reflective surface.
"I don't think so," Lina replied, peeking in through a window. There were chairs inside, and a few bizarre-looking devices with all sorts of numbers and markings. "It's some kind of machine."
"Shall we give it a shot, then?" Zelgadis asked. "It is our only way of getting home, after all."
"So what do we do?" Gourry inquired.
Xellos tugged on the handle to a door, and everyone gasped in amazement as part of the vehicle became unattached and swung open on a hinge. "I call driver!" he laughed, jumping behind the wheel.
Lina opened another door, slowly watching with wonder as the insides of the great mechanism were revealed. The chairs looked rather comfy, and though there wasn't much legroom, Lina decided to get in anyway. Amelia followed more tentatively, and Zelgadis climbed in after them, shutting the door behind him. Amelia flinched at the sound. It was small and rather cramped inside, and the trembling of the machine made her feel queasy.
"So the Lord of Nightmares left us this…car thing?" Amelia questioned.
"Apparently," Lina replied. "She must have been really bored."
There was a piercing creak from behind them, and all three turned their heads to see Gourry standing, predictably looking puzzled, at the rear of the car. "Oh, is that what this thing did?" he asked, looking at the lift gate, which now hung open, revealing the spacious but seat-less area behind where Lina, Amelia, and Zelgadis were sitting.
"That's perfect," Lina commented. "You can sit there, Gourry."
"And where do I sit?" asked Filia, still outside the car.
"Why, Filia, you can sit right here, next to me," Xellos invited, patting the passenger's seat.
"I refuse to sit next to a disgusting monster like you!" she cried, crossing her arms. There was a crash from behind as Gourry struggled to clamber into the trunk of the car.
"Well then we're just going to have to leave you here, won't we?" Xellos responded, somehow knowing how to take the car out of park, and doing so.
Filia turned white. "Fine! Just…don't come near me!" She warily stepped into the car, and sat on the very edge of her seat, as far away from Xellos as she possibly could manage.
"I wonder what this thing is," Amelia said, holding what looked like a length of very flat, wide rope, attached to the side of her seat. At the end, it had a piece of metal on it.
"It's probably not important," Zelgadis replied, examining the one he found at the side of his seat.
"Is everyone ready?" Xellos asked.
"Yeah!"
"Sure."
"I guess."
"…."
"Humph."
"Then let's go!" He slammed on the gas pedal, and the car buckled into motion.
Amelia screamed. Gourry flew backwards as inertia took effect, and Lina, Zelgadis, and Filia found themselves holding onto various pieces of the car for dear life. Xellos, however, was wearing a wide smile.
"AHHH!" shrieked Amelia. "This is scarier than the time we fought Copy Rezo and the time Valgaav almost destroyed the world put together!"
No one responded, because they were all busy trying to keep their last meal down. If they had had the chance to look out the window, they would have seen the various architectural feats and interesting sights that they were passing, like a house whose lawn Xellos was currently tearing up and tree branches slapping the windows. Such scenes flashed by as the monster at the wheel continued to go at a speed of approximately eighty-three miles per hour, especially after catching sight of the sign that clearly read "Drive 25".
Finally, Filia was able to muster enough courage to let go of the handle she had been clutching so dearly and scoot over so that she could slam down on the brake (how she knew to do this, I'm not sure, but I'm assuming that the Fire Dragon King sent her a prophecy or something along those lines.)
"Aww, Filia, you ruined my fun," Xellos whined good-naturedly.
"Fun?!" Lina shouted. "FUN?!"
"I don't know what driving is, Mr. Xellos, but I get the feeling that that wasn't it," Amelia commented, holding her head in her hand.
Zelgadis opened his door and stumbled out woozily. Gourry was lying flat on his back, completely and totally unresponsive.
"New rule," Lina announced. "Xellos doesn't drive."
"Agreed!"
"Yes, definitely."
"Aww," Xellos moaned. "So do any of you actually know how to drive?"
"Well, we know how not to drive now," Zelgadis retorted, doubled over, leaning against the side of the car.
"I imagine it would be a little less like how Xellos drove, and a little more like that." Filia pointed towards another one of the flat black surfaces, on which a car traveled far more slowly and not anywhere near as recklessly.
"Well, why don't you give it a shot, then?" Xellos requested.
"I will!" Filia exclaimed angrily. "Get out of my seat."
Xellos and Filia traded place, Zelgadis got back in the car, and everyone, with the exception of Xellos, took hold of some sort of handle just in case they were to go flying again.
Filia grabbed the steering wheel, looking slightly edgy. "Well, here we go…"
Will Filia be a good driver, or will Xellos just drive her insane? How are they going to get home? Most importantly, will Lina ever get her food? Find out next time on Slayers Road Trip!
I completely rewrote this chapter twice and I'm still not entirely happy with it. The rest of the story is much better, in my opinion, so please stick with me. And I don't actually know how to drive myself, so I have no idea if I'm getting that part right or what.
Thank you for reading!
