It's 9:33, she's still not here. Didn't she say she was going to be here? She said she was ready to present our lab report today, I guess she's sick. I hope she feels better, she sounded fine last night when I spoke to her. She cut me off though, while talking about her family's get together. It sounded charp, her voice on the phone, maybe something came up near the end of our chat.
Why does she feel so down? She isn't acting like herself. She isn't her random self. She says she's fine, but I know she isn't. What can I do? I look at her in class, she stares at the clock. Is she waiting for class to end? So she can go home, and wait for another day like all the other bad ones she has? She is my best friend. My closest friend. I can't lose her. She says she has tried to kill herself, but she couldn't go through with it. She said she had to much to loose if she did. She says that life keeps starting but never ending. She told me today that she wants to grow up already, be an adult, but here is the part where it confuses me. She says she wants to grow up and get life over with, but she has so many good days other then the bad, it's as if she is in a tug-a-war between good and bad, and she doesn't know which to choose. I help her by giving my advice, but advice isn't always a permanent marker. It won't always stay, it may just wash off one day. She is my best friend, and in the end, if she thinks she's lost it, then I have lost it too. At least if we both have lost it, we have lost it together.
Does she think I am pushing her away, when in reality I'm trying to pull our friendship closer. She understands my problems and my doubts. I see her troubles, but I can do nothing. I am considered unsure... I am unsure. I have been told that everything I do it odd, or to different to even understand, but she, my closest friend, she understands me. As I watch the rain hit the fence and drip down onto the sidewalk near my house, it calms me. As I think to myself " What will she say? What will she do? Is she just like the others? Wondering, why do I find the darkest, depressing things happy?" But instead she comes over and looks out with me, she smiles, and walks away. It's as if she knew this is what calms me. It's like she knows what I am thinking. What I am feeling. She senses my feelings. She senses when I am upset, when I am confused, when I am nervous or when I am sad. She reads me like book. I feel as if I am to open, maybe I am showing to much? But yet when I feel upset to others, they don't sense the things she does. They aren't the same. They questioned who I am. They wonder why I don't see what they see. They all see the glass as half full, but me, I see the glass as half empty.
She isn't her random self. She says she's fine, but I know she isn't. She is my best friend, and in the end, if she thinks she's lost it, then I have lost it too. At least if we both have lost it, we have lost it together. I do truly know now, that she...she is my best friend.
…...And now I am to late.
