"Let's play a game."
"What kind of game?"
Felix sits down on the edge of the couch, bringing his glass up to his lips and sipping before answering. His mask is covering his eyes. I don't know how he convinced me to come to this house party. I'm not even that into Halloween. The theme is 'Anonymity', hence the required masks. I just think it's silly.
"The next girl who walks in. You go up to her and start a conversation."
"With a stranger?" I ask. I am not usually one to be that bold. I much prefer lingering in a corner, reading something on my phone, trying not to seem too awkward.
"Cosima," he begins, "You need to put yourself out there. You haven't been with anyone in 5 months! I would die if it had been that long!"
"How would I even know if she's gay?" I laugh.
"Does it matter? You've got enough charm to woo a straight girl," he tells me, "You're just going for a quick fuck anyway. Maybe she'll want to experiment. You know, college is teeming with women like that. Bi-curious and all that shite."
"Ugh, Felix," I groan. I would say I'm the least likely person to want to have a 'quick fuck' as my British best friend so lovingly puts it. Being in my third year of school, I can't say I've ever had a one night stand. Just the one relationship really, for the last two years. Shay had been the junior that swept me off my feet as a freshman. She abruptly broke it off before graduation, stomping on my heart in the process.
"Come on, live a little," Felix urged. "You're wearing a mask anyway. If it goes poorly, just excuse yourself and she'll never know who you were."
I sigh, reaching into my bra for the joint I've hidden there. "I think I should go relax outside instead." I turn for the door when all of a sudden, a woman in tight black pants and a white tank top walks in. Her blonde hair is pulled back in a tight bun and a mask envelops most of her face.
"Nope, nope, nope," I hear Felix say as I feel myself getting pushed forward. "Now's your chance," he whispers and practically shoves me into her.
I feel my body collide with hers and I am mortified. The fronts of our bodies get pushed together as Felix says "Oops, gotta run," and jets in the other direction.
I all of a sudden find myself very close to this woman. I can feel the heat emanating off her body and there is no doubt in my mind that she can see the blush of my cheeks. Thank goodness for this mask.
"Oh...shit...I'm so sorry," I stumble.
"Eum, no, no, no problem, excuse me," she answers.
I back away slightly, giving her back her space. I hear an accent in her voice and I immediately think it's adorable. Remembering what Felix had said, I decide, what the hell, I'll put myself out there. What have I got to lose? She doesn't know who I am anyway.
I look up at her light skin, only the bottom half of her face seen to me as the other half is covered by her mask. She is looking at me as well, not making an attempt to continue inside. I open my mouth to say something but just as I do, she speaks, "I...I am new here...I don't really have any friends. Would you like to grab a drink with me?"
I am startled by her question. It's very forward but I can't help but smile, and reply, "Sure."
I study her body movements as she leads me toward the kitchen, meddling our way through the droves of buzzed students. She seems familiar to me but I'm not sure if I've seen her before. She did say she was new here.
She grabs a beer for herself and hands one to me, popping the tops seamlessly in one motion with the bottle opener. She holds hers out to me and says "Cheers" before clinking the bottle against mine and taking a swig. I watch her mouth as she does and I can't help but stare. I realize I am and quickly look away, taking a sip of my own drink.
"So, you're new here, you said? Did you transfer?" I ask, trying to make conversation.
"I'm an exchange student. I'm here for the year, from France," she tells me.
"Oh, wow, yeah, I thought I heard an adorable French accent," I note.
I see her cheeks flush red as she giggles, taking another sip of her beer.
"So, what's your name?" I inquire.
She looks at me curiously through her mask. "I thought this was an anonymous party. I don't think I'm allowed to tell you that."
Oh, so she wants to play games. I flash her a grin. "Ok," I respond playfully, "Well I guess you don't get to know mine then either."
She smiles and I'm feeling more and more confident. Maybe it's the alcohol or just the fact that I feel free behind this mask I'm wearing, but I grab her hand and pull her to follow me. "Come on," I instruct, "Let's go outside."
It's surprisingly warm for October and I lead her to the back porch. There's a couple making out in the corner, but other than that, it's completely empty.
I pull the joint out of my bra and grab my lighter from my pocket.
"What are you doing?" she asks me, her eyes wide.
"What does it look like?" I smirk.
"Is that...marijuana?"
I chuckle. "Oh my god, you are so cute."
She puts her head down with an expression that verifies my previous statement.
I light up and take a drag, exhaling after a moment. "You want some?"
Her eyes come up to meet mine. "Oh, non, I shouldn't."
I shrug. "Suit yourself."
She looks at me with a curious gaze and reaches over. "Ok, let me try."
I am pleasantly surprised as I watch her lips curl around the cigarette. She inhales deeply and starts coughing a moment later.
"Whoa, take it easy there," I laugh, "Don't take in too much at once." I place my hand on her back as her coughing subsides, rubbing it gently. I suddenly feel a pull toward her, like I know her, like this isn't the first time I've seen her.
She looks back at me finally, saying, "I'm ok," and giggling.
I desperately look into her eyes, searching for answers to the familiarity I feel. "Hey, this might be kind of weird, but I feel like I know you from somewhere."
"Well, I just started here two months ago," she tells me.
"Yeah, I know," I shrug, taking another hit.
The alcohol is beginning to relax me along with the weed and I scooch in closer to her, so we're sitting side by side, our legs brushing against each other's.
I am feeling particularly bold again behind my mask so I lean in toward her. "You know," I whisper, "All this mystery is kind of exciting, don't you think?"
My mouth is inches away from hers as I speak and I see her open her lips slightly to let out a shaky breath.
"I...I have to use the bathroom," she states abruptly, shooting up from her seat and leaving me with a strong sense of disappointment.
"W...wait," I call out, but it's too late. She's already back inside the house. I groan, thinking I did something wrong. I shouldn't have been so forward. I just met this woman and I was practically throwing myself at her. This is so not me. It's Felix's fault. I make a mental note to harass him later. I am left on the porch, so I do what I was planning on doing all evening, smoke, alone.
The first time I see her, I'm sitting on a bench in the quad, chatting with Sarah. I see her all the way on the other side, her blonde curls bouncing as she walks, her long legs striding gracefully. She is practically a goddess and I can barely concentrate on what Sarah is saying. I realize she's walking in my direction but it's too late to look away when she walks past me. She's caught me looking. It's a quick exchange, but our eyes meet briefly as she walks by. I look away immediately, embarrassed at the fact that I am staring.
After that day, I see her everywhere. In the library, in the dining hall, walking to my apartment.
She is gorgeous and I can't help but wonder why I've never seen her before. It's a silly crush, gazing from afar, knowing that she is most likely straight and that we'll never meet, but I still feel my heart pound harder every time I see her.
In the two months I've been at school, I've seen her maybe 20 times. I don't think anything of it, the school is not that big, yet I can't get the feeling out of my head that it's somehow fate that I keep seeing her.
I think I'm probably just reaching. Being at school without Shay is something I'm not used to. Being at school alone is something I'm not used to.
Yet I can't get the image of her out of my mind.
I head back inside after about 20 minutes, figuring she's not coming back. Great, I really fucked that one up.
I search for Felix, though I'm sure he's off with some guy at this point.
"Cos!" I hear the familiar voice yell as he makes his way through the sea of people.
"Hey, Fe," I respond, unenthusiastically.
"What the hell you doing? I thought I left you with that blonde hottie."
"I think I might've messed that up," I tell him, "She ran off."
"What did you do?"
"I don't know! I mean, maybe I was flirting and she felt uncomfortable or something. I was trying to put myself out there, Fe! This is your fault," I exclaim.
Felix just laughs and grabs me another beer. "Come on, let's dance," he instructs as he drags me into the crowd. I reluctantly follow and start to lose myself in the music.
Felix runs off and I continue moving, my hips swaying, eyes closed, when I all of a sudden feel a warmth behind me. I feel hips on my back, moving in rhythm with me as hands snake around to my stomach. I try to turn around but firm arms hold me in place. I turn my head for a moment and see blonde. I realize it's her.
I play out her little game, backing myself into her as she pulls me closer to her body. It's turning me on as her fingers scrape up my ribs and I can't help but gasp. I don't have time to think about the fact that she freaked out and ran away from me before. She's back now and that's all I care about.
We sway for a while like that until she finally lets me turn around, her arms around my waist. I throw my own arms up around her neck and grind against her as we dance. I bring my lips to her ear, whispering, "I thought you left me."
She just shakes her head and gives a small smile. I can feel her breath on my cheek and it's making me dizzy.
"Tell me your name," I ask her, my face still inches from her neck, "Please."
She smiles wider and chuckles, shaking her head again.
I groan in frustration, grinding my hips harder into hers as I feel her breath quicken.
"Hey, I don't normally do this," I start, "But, do you want to go somewhere?"
She backs up from me quickly, visibly shaken, and I instantly feel like I've made a huge mistake.
I gaze at her through my mask, unsure if my look of panic is conveyed.
"I'm sorry, I need to go," she tells me and turns to leave.
In a last desperate attempt, I grab her hand. "Wait, please, I'm sorry, I was having a good time with you. I'm sorry if I got too carried away."
"No, no, it's fine, I should go," she mutters, "I'll see you around."
"But how will I find you—"
It's too late. She storms out and I am left, upset and angry at myself for listening to Felix in the first place.
I can barely explain the feeling I get when I see her for the first time. Her dreads, her glasses, her tiny frame. Just the sight of her makes my heart beat faster and makes me break out into a sweat.
It is nerve wracking. I only recently realized my preference for women, and she's the first real woman I've had a crush on.
And I don't even know her.
Ever since seeing her that first time in the quad, I feel like I run into her everywhere. We've never spoken and she probably has never noticed me, but I find myself drawn to her uniqueness, the vibe she gives off. She is so completely the opposite of me it's almost laughable, yet I have this undeniable urge to get to know her.
Without meaning to, I kind of learn her schedule. I know exactly when she'll be walking to certain classes and when she heads back to her apartment. Her schedule fits quite nicely with mine, or so I tell myself in order to not seem extremely creepy.
I know I'll never talk to her. She makes me so nervous that even seeing her flusters me. I can't imagine actually holding a conversation with the woman. Being with any woman terrifies me, but especially her.
I overhear her talking about going to a masked Halloween party as I sit at the table next to hers in the dining hall. She's chatting with friends and I am sitting alone, as usual. I haven't been able to make many friends since starting here, mostly focusing on my studies. And I think people are unsure if I speak English or not.
I decide I will go. Maybe I can get up the nerve to talk to her if I am wearing a mask.
My head is pounding as I wake up the next morning. I'm pretty sure I drank too much after my mystery woman left the party. I get up to make some coffee and put something in my stomach.
Just as I sit down to eat, I hear a rapping at the door. I groan, wondering who in the world would be knocking at my door on a Saturday morning.
I walk to the door and swing it open, blinking at the brightness outside. When my eyes finally adjust, I see a blonde woman with long flowing curls standing on my doorstep. The woman I've been crushing on for 2 months.
I am extremely confused as to why she would be at my door and I furrow my brow, starting to speak, but before I can say anything, she steps inside, takes my face in her hands and kisses me.
I am stunned, so stunned that I stumble backwards and barely catch myself before I fall on the ground.
Our lips detach and I look at her with an open mouth. "Wh...what?" I stutter.
She looks at me with something in her eyes that I can't quite place. Fear? Panic? Desire…?
"I...I'm sorry…" she mumbles, "I really wanted to do that last night but I didn't have the courage."
That voice. A flash of realization washes over my face as my eyes grow wide. "Wait, you...you were…"
She nods and now I see it. Despite her different hair, I can see her perfect lips and perfect chin, and I realize it's the same woman.
"But how...how did you know it was me? How do you even know me? Know where I live?" I am as confused as ever.
She smiles and I see her dimples come into focus. She is more adorable than I could ever imagine. "Well, even though you were wearing a mask, your dreadlocks are kind of unmistakable."
I blush a deep red, feeling embarrassed for not knowing who she was last night.
"And I've seen you around...a bunch of times. Sorry, I'm not like stalking you or anything, but I've seen you come back to this place, so I figured this was where you lived," she tells me.
I move in closer to her. "You've been following me?" I tease.
Her smile fades, and she nervously looks down at her fingers. "I'm sorry...I know that's weird."
"No, no, I'm teasing you," I say, grabbing her hips and letting my body move in against hers. "I have a confession to make too...I've noticed you...many times."
She looks up at me, her facial expression changed into one of shock. "You have?"
"Yeah, of course, how could I not notice a tall, gorgeous blonde?" I joke, moving in so my lips are inches away from hers. "Why'd you run out on me last night?" I whisper.
"I…" Her breath hitches and I can feel the tension spring back into her body as it stiffens. "I'm sorry...I was nervous...I've never…"
"Doesn't matter. You're here now," I soothe, stroking her hair before bringing my hand to the back of her neck and giving her a firm tug toward me. Our lips meet again slowly and she lets out a whimper as I feel her body relax into mine.
I pull away after a moment, still holding her tightly to me. "Ok," I state as I look into her eyes, "Will you tell me your name now?"
She smirks before answering.
"Delphine."
"Cosima."
"Enchantée."
"Oh, uh...enchantée."
