Authors Note: Hi, my names Marina Yano... and this story is my first story that I wrote completely by myself(before I used to just edit peoples stories and give them ideas). I mean the idea wasn't mine, but still JungWook(person who came up with the idea) didn't help me write this! I wrote this story excepting only two people to be reading this... and that is kind of why I'm posting it. I'm running out of inspiration to continue this story. So if there's any possibility that I will gain one more reader I would be happy. I kind of hate this story because there's no pairings in it, but I plan on writing a Style very soon... oh well enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. Trust me if I did it would be A LOT gayer... if that's possible... I mean Cartman tries to get Kyle to suck his balls every season, he also put Butter's fireman in his mouth, and oh don't forget that the two super best friends hold each other in their arms crying and saying I love you.

Summary: This story is about Cartman receiving a haunted painting called Hands Resist Him from his mother. Its a real painting, look its story up on Google or Bing if you want. I'll probably be explaining it in the story anyways... This story idea is from JungWook SirWook, well he asked me(begged me) to write it for him... along with an anime and a manga that has to do with the painting. I ended up going with just the story. Anyway there's probably a lot of conversations that come from actual episodes... that has to do with the fact that I've watched South Park so many times I've managed to subconsciously add actual scenes from the episodes into this... I'm not kidding

anyways enjoy! :3

Hands Resist Him

Third Person

Cartman sat on his couch munching on cheesy poofs while dully watching as the T.V. switched to a commercial.

"God dammit..." he muttered angrily as he took his hand out of the bag of cheesy poofs that was now empty. After crumbling up his bag and throwing it out of frustration he let out a groan realizing he was going to have to go get more... or maybe not.

"Mom! Can you go make me a toaster pastry chocolate-mix butter bar?" he called out changing his voice, pretending to be the sweet little boy his mother believed him to be.

"Mummy's busy right now honey." her voice came echoing from somewhere in the house.

"But muuuuum," he whined, "I really want a toaster pastry chocolate-mix butter bar."

"Oh, honey, why don't you make it yourself? Mummy's buying you a present right now." his mothers voice echoed once more.

"A present?" the fat boy asked himself, "Score!"

Eric triumphantly got off the couch and walked into the kitchen.

"I bet its that new game for the Wii!" he said as he continued to think up all the possibilities of what his present might be.

Grabbing a stool he set it in front of the kitchen counter to grab the Pop Toasties and put them in the toaster. While doing this Cartman thought about bragging about his present to his friends. He let out a happy sigh thinking about them being jealous, oh how he hated them... especially the stupid Jew rat. Opening the refrigerator he took out the powdered chocolate milk and a stick of butter, rolling the butter in the powdered milk he gets the Pop Toasties and places the chocolate-covered butter between the two Pop Toasties.

Scarfing down the calorie dynamite in a matter of seconds, he went back to imagining Kyle envying him.

'Oh how he would love to get his filthy little Jew hands on my present and steal it for himself,' smirking at the idea of Kyle being desperate to have what Cartman had, 'Sorry Kyle, but I can't let you do that. You big dumb Jew.'

As he sat himself down in front of the TV he saw Terrance and Phillip were back from the commercial, but he found it hard to pay attention as his sadistic side took over. Oh how great it would be to see his friends crying... oh so delightful.

"Please God, let Kyle cry. No screw that... make him cry!" Cartman pleaded.

After his 'praying' secession the Nazi went back to watching the show.

Terrance and Phillip were dressed up as detectives, while they looked at a corpse with a dagger stabbed into its chest.

"Say Terrance, this body appears to have been moved since the murder." Phillip pointed out, "Look at the forensic evidence around the torso."

"Where?" Terrance asked looking closer at the body to get a better look, "I don't see anything."

"Look closer."

Terrance looks closer.

"Closer."

Cartman stared at the screen already knowing what was going to happen... Phillip was going to fart on Terrance and laugh hysterically... he was getting too old for this.

Terrance bends down further and is surprised when Phillip holds his head down even closer to the dead man.

"Hunh-nh." Phillip grunts.

"I still don't see anything, Phillip." the noirette mutters getting impatient.

"Wait wait." The blond then grunts again, "Hunh."

"Keep looking, Terrance. The forensic evidence is right around here." The blond grunts as he lets out a fart, laughing uncontrollably until he stops when he opens his eyes to discover the raven haired boy isn't there. "Huh?"

The camera then pulls back to reveal Terrance standing on a stool. The blonds beady eyes widen as he looks up to see Terrance ready to fart on him. As the noirette lets loose Phillip is blown into a nearby wall, and then falls on his side.

"Ah!" The blond shouts as he hits the wall.

The camera is then shifted back to Terrance and then to Phillip then back out to the two of them.

Both boys eye each other for a silent moment until both boys let out a long, loud laugh.

"Whoa! That totally surprised me!" the fat brunette shocked that it hadn't turned out as he predicted, "I can't believe how the show manages to stay so fresh."