Just my mind who was dreaming a little, why not after all... I hope there isn't too many mistakes. Thank you for reading...


No lipstick

The day seemed interminable, patients asking for help in a unceasely run, Weaver screaming her usual protestations, Carol and her growing belly, Luka searching for informations, and me daydreaming, watching this little chaos from far away, lulled by its resounding buzz. The day seemed interminable because it looked like every other days, like I had been living the same day for six years.

I didn't know then.

Here it's a place made of feelings, but sometimes one emotion wins on this others and colours the atmosphere. Five patients had already died, five families had been informed of their loss, more than five people had cried, sadness had managed to settle on everything and everyone, even me. I wanted to escape.

To a little joy.

There was this pregnant woman who needed someone to take her up to OB, I didn't hesitate, there is something about OB that we can explain, something happy, like life begins again with each step, like new chances are waiting for us behind each door, like every cries can only come from a baby. As the elevator's door opened, I took a deep breath, wishing the pain to go away, but sometimes it just likes you too much.

And I turned my head.

My gaze felt on your mouth, you weren't wearing any lipstick, but I was captivated by your pink lips, forming a little poud, moving slowly with, I suppose, your actions. I couldn't watch anything else, silence had appeared with you, and the saddness had had to accept her defeat. I removed my eyes to look at you.

And then I understood.

You wore your hair down, not too long but not too short, and your hand travelled through it, to relace a strand behind your ear, I smiled in spite of myself, and I discovered your eyes, brown chocolate, they were telling so much, telling stories, betraying your thoughts, I don't know why, but you were looking caught between joy and pain, to have both feelings in your mind. But you smiled anyway, I didn't see to who, but this smiled had taken me back on your mouth.

It wasn't love, it was admiration.

You disappeared through an alley, almost waking me, I realized that the ER needed me, as I took the elevator again, you were a dream without image, a feeling, which keeped me warm in the coldness of the lonely days. You became a distant dream, a dream I wasn't so sure I had made, but I couldn't forget.

See, I haven't forgot.

The first time I saw you again, you were a new med student in the ER, I didn't recongnize you until I laid my gaze on your lips, and the warm feeling took all the room left in my heart, every day, I woke up with it, the ER became a pretty place. Only because of you.

Only because of you.

This night on the roof I wanted to ask you out, but you were sad, pained by the death of your patient, I wished I could have the same affect you had had on me the first time I had seen you, I guess words helped you, I have to admit I'm not as beautiful as you are. I never asked you out.

Maybe I should have.

What happenned then was terrible, and it keeped me away from you. I searched everywhere for the warm feeling, but sadness had seeped into my bones. You know drugs bring a little heat. You discovered me using them, I wasn't mad at you, I promise, I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at me, because you has discovered a part of me I didn't want you to see, not someone, just you.

I has always been just you.

Abby, it has always been you. You wanted to know when I've fallen in love with you, it was that interminable day, Abby. It wasn't admiration, it was love.


Here, I know it's not really possible he felt in love that soon but hey the scriptwriters don't want to reunite them after what they have made for Abby and Carter to be together, this is as unthinkable. Tell me what you think... and thank you again for reading.

Perrine