Funeral Fit for a Queen

by Tru Helsing

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Angel. Joss Whedon is god of all good TV. All hail Joss!

It doesn't feel real. I don't think it really hit me, yet. I don't think it will for a while. I mean, I never get too many calls from Angel since the whole 'cookie-dough' conversation. But, I never thought I'd get this call.

Of all people to die...why Cordelia?

I know, I know, me and Cordy never really were friends or even like each other that much...scratch the 'never-were-friends' thing. We were, towards the end. It's not like we were ever the best of friends, but when it came down to it, she was right there with us...helping, researching, and (according to Will) she even dusted a vamp at Graduation. I guess people can surprise you. I remember that talk we had when Marcie(that invisible girl) was after her. I think it was the only time I saw what Angel's team saw in her.

Cordelia: It's awful to feel that lonely.

Buffy: Hmm. So you've read something about the feeling?

Cordelia: (stops Buffy) Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so

cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone.

It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like

me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes

when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word

I say.

Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at

being popular?

Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.

That moment, among others(Homecoming, for instance) are embedded in my mind no matter what. Now, they just bring tears to my eyes. I never thought I'd mourn Queen C's death, much less shed tears over it. But, sometimes, things change.

It's weird, the gang(Xander, Willow, Giles, Dawn) and I back in LA now. Ya know, I could've sworn I heard Cordy's voice right before I got the call saying, 'Thanks for the memories...'

That was the last thing Cordelia said to me when she left Sunnyhell for LA.

So, to Cordelia Chase, yet another fallen Scooby...

Thanks for the memories.

This doesn't make sense. I mean, c'mon, Xander and I were two of three founding members of the 'We Hate Cordelia' club. Now, that girl we knew, and that woman Angel knew, was gone.

I remember being called into Buffy's living room, having a relatively good day. Xander had just gotten back from India, Giles came to visit from England, Buffy still had a sturdy, non-slaying job, and Dawn was making friends in school. But, when I saw Buffy's face when I entered the living room, my smile faded. She was barely hanging onto the phone and her other hand was on her forehead. I asked her what had happened and she said to wait til the others got there. Once they did, she began. Her voice sounded so far away, like she was elsewhere.

Buffy: I just got a phone call from Angel. It was about...

Willow: What? Are they okay?

Buffy: Yeah...no. I hope they are. But it was about Cordelia.

Xander: She woke up?

Buffy: No. She never did...and never will. She's gone. Cordelia died.

Xander: No.

Willow: ...Oh god.

Giles: What occurred to have this happen?

Buffy: He didn't say.

I didn't believe it. A part of me might never. I knew Cordy as long as I knew Xander. We even met at the same time. She wanted to color at me and Xander's table but went over to Aura's. Maybe, if she had colored with us, she wouldn't have been so mean all through Junior High and High school. But, it's a little late for 'ifs'. Maybe it was better that way.

Buffy told us a few minutes back that she could almost hear Cordy's voice right before she answered the phone. Well, late last night, I was out back just relaxing. And I heard someone say 'It really was better this way.'

Maybe it was, Cordy.

I guess we'll never know.

I can't admit it. I won't. If I say it, then she really will be...and I'll have let her. So, I won't say it. It's hard enough to hear it, to understand it. I don't understand. When Anya...I was quiet a lot. Which, according to Buffy, is like Giles using a computer: Not possible. I loved...still love Anya so much. But Cordy...she was my first love. She was an amazing person, if she let you get to know that side of her. I can actually see why Dead-Boy fell for her. I know she changed a lot since last I saw her...but change is change. You are who you are forever. I mean, for example, look at Will: shy computer geek to lesbian Wicca with a witchy mojo not to be messed with. But, inside her heart of hearts, she's still the ramble-y science whiz from all those years ago. Same goes with Cordelia. Angel said they we don't know her anymore. That she wasn't that rich girl from SD anymore. Well, he's wrong, and right. She had changed, all with her visions and demony-ness, not to mention being possessed by an evil higher power. But underneath it all, she's the ex-May Queen, the girl who bailed on her friends and decided to go out with me. Maybe not one of her best decisions, but I'm not complaining. The girl who said the wrong things at the right times. I know she wasn't as painfully honest as Anya, but, let's just say, the word 'tact' is not in her vocab. In the end...she was Cordy. Heh...the last conversation we had was about a few minute before she left for Los Angeles. I'll never forget it.

Outside Xander's house- Night

Xander::thinking for a moment:: So...you're saying you want to act?

Cordelia: What do you think I've been saying? Duh, yes!

Xander::stared blankly for a few second before laughing hysterically::

Cordelia::crossed her arms indignantly:: Oh? And what do you plan to do with your life and lack-of-skills?

Xander::took a breath:: ...I guess I'll find out after my trip.

Cordelia: I don't think walking to Buffy's house qualifies as a trip.

Xander: For your information, I'm going cross-country. I'm not stopping til I drive through all 50 states.

Cordelia: You DO know about Hawaii, right?

Xander: What about it?

Cordelia: Forget it. (Rolled her eyes and sighed) Other than the horrifying pain, death, and demons, I might actually miss it here.

Xander: You're joking, right?

Cordelia: No, I will...which kinda scares me. Not that I'll miss fighting for my life on a daily basis, but there were some good times here, too.

Xander: There were good times? Where was I during these good times?

Cordelia: You really are one the biggest idiots I know. There was the day a few after Valentines last year. Plus, Prom night... Ya know, for a loser, and the fact that you cheated on me, for what it's worth, you weren't THAT bad of a boyfriend.

Xander: Wow. NOW I feel loved.

Cordelia::placed her hand on Xander's cheek:: You really should. ::turned and started walking away::

Xander::grinned:: Cordy, were we...?

Cordelia::turned to him:: I think we were...Zeppo.

Xander: Me, too...Queen C.

Cordelia::turned back and walked off::

She was right. I always hated saying that about her, 'cause she would always rub it in my face.

Earlier, Buffy told us this weird psychic thing happened where she heard Cordy's voice before she got the call. The same happened to me...only after Buffy told us. I was breaking down on the back porch. I was a complete wreck. But I heard her, I know I did. She told me, 'We were, Zeppo.'

You're right, Cor.

We were.

TBC...

A/N: How the AI team felt about Cordy's death is next. More sadness. :'(