Chapter One
Bella watched snow drift softly to the ground and melt away, it was a calming sight, it took away the sharpness of the ache inside her. It would be a couple of weeks before the snow fall became heavier. She was still able to hunt with relative ease, once winter and hibernation kicked in, she would have to travel a little further to feed.
She surveyed her surroundings, no one in sight at present, all she could hear were the forest animals going about their daily business. Further on beyond the forest someone was coming, she could feel their presence, they were a couple of miles away at the moment. It was hard to tell if they were just passing through, or if they were coming for her. She knew it was another vampire but could not discern whether they were friend or foe, she would find out as soon as they hit the forest. She knew word had gotten around the nearby town about the young woman who had moved in to the isolated log cabin in the woods. She had deliberately kept her distance from the town folk. She did not want to be around anyone at the moment, vampires or humans. Unwittingly as usually she may have made herself a target for a predator, but she would deal with that, if the need arose.
She inhaled deeply,the forest was rich with scent, from the animals, the birds, the earth, everything hummed in a fresh vibrant way. Even the smell of decomposing plants and animals was welcome.
Bella had been here for three months, it felt like yesterday when she had moved just outside Churchville, Alaska. She even toyed with the idea of enrolling in the University of Alaska, she had planned to attend so many years ago until Nessie had decided to take up residence in their lives. She loved it, the peace, the tranquillity, here she was far away from Forks and the Cullens'. She pretended that she no longer missed them, it was easier that way. Being there day in and day out with them after what had happened had taken its toll. Five years had passed and she still remembered every sight and sound of what happened that day. She had smelt the blood all the way from La Push and raced back to the house, a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. The house drenched in blood, the body parts. She closed her eyes in an effort to block out the images, she did not want to think about it again. She grabbed a well worn copy of Pride and Prejudice and thumbed through it until she found the chapter she wanted. Sticking her fingers in her ears, she read aloud, anything to distract herself.
She could never go back, never say the things she wanted to say, they were gone, everything left unsaid.
Edward not knowing how she really felt. Never to laugh with Alice again, tell her how much she had valued their friendship.
The guilt was crushing. That's why she had run away from everything, Carlisle and Esme's watchful gaze and Jasper's agony. At least on her own, she did not have the physical reminders. Just her brain would trick her into a sense of calmness only to throw images at her when she least expected it.
She re-read the same paragraph several times before she pulled my head out of the book. It was no good it was still there, seeing their headless bodies strewn there like wet dish rags, blood everywhere. The Volturi knew it was going to happen. Jane had gone rogue, everyone already knew she was insane, but she had now taken it to a new level. The Volturi had sent a messenger to warn the Cullens that Jane was a threat. Their messenger arrived two days too late. She still felt it was a deliberate kick in the teeth. She did not believe for a second that Jane had left the Volturi, she was certain Jane was really acting on their behalf. The Volturi were keeping up appearances nothing else. Even after Bella had become a vampire, she had never felt at ease around them. They wallowed in their own malevolence and it sickened her but she had to know what fuelled them. She had spent the last five years torn between inconsolable grief and anger that ate through her soul. Any chance she got she interrogated Carlisle about his time with them. She spent her time researching them, she tracked down any books that mentioned the Volturi, she googled vampiric law and folk law for days on end, anything to see if she could use even a tiny facet of information against them and Jane. It was getting to the stage where Carlisle no longer wanted to be in the same room as her. She just could not give up, not until she got some closure. It was more than obsession, it had become a quest and it took up every hour of every day.
Everything else dropped away from her consciousness, even her own daughter. The shame hung heavily when Jake had stepped in to care for Nessie, who was now attending high school on the Res and spending the majority of her time in La Push. Bella was lucky to even get a minute of her time when she called her cell. Bella deserved it, that much she was aware of it. She promised herself that as soon as this was over, as soon as Edward and Alice were put to rest and Jane and paid for her crime, she would spend the rest of eternity rebuilding her relationship with her beloved daughter.
The chime of her cell broke through her thoughts, she did not even bother with a greeting, "You have to stop calling, I'm fine".
"I just worry is all", she missed Jasper's familiar slow southern drawl. She could see him in her mind's eye pacing up and down outside the house away from the rest of the family, his face perpetually pinched now that Alice was no longer around to sooth his jangled nerves.
"I know, I just need this time".
"I understand, it's just not the same without you".
The silence hung heavily between them.
"if I thought you were going to leave I would never haveā¦", the words died on his lips
The guilt consumed her, "That's not why I left, I just had to get away".
There was no answer, obviously Jasper did not agree, the cell signal was clear she knew he was still there, she could heard noises in the background.
"Nessie came home for a couple of days".
Another thing to feel guilty about it, Bella harrumphed, "Did she, how was she?".
The last time they spoke Nessie had barely said anything, all she talked about was Jacob. Jake this and Jake that, Bella had tried not to think about the imprinting, her daughter's life already mapped out for her. Bella felt a jolt, and for the first time she understood a little how Edward used to feel before they had married. He had wanted to give Bella the gift freedom and choice and she had ignored it, because she was childish, stupid even, thinking she was stupid madly in love. She did not want Nessie to share the same fate, tied down and married, not until Nessie had experienced more of life. Bella knew Nessie was exactly the same as she had been, she knew that reasoning with her would do nothing, except make her more resolute.
"Good, she gets more like you everyday". Jasper was trying to sound cheery but it sounded flat and false. So many little things were hidden in that one sentence that she had to get off the phone. She hated that Jasper was angry and disappointed with her, but she just could not deal with it. One thing at a time, there were other things that required her focus.
"Look my battery is running low, I need to recharge, so I will contact you soon okay?".
Jasper grumbled slightly, he knew she was just making excuses, "Okay, talk soon". He hung up.
Bella stared at the cell, she knew she had really pissed him off, but there was little she could do about that now.
