Hey! My first iCarly fan-fic! It's a song-fic to The Only Exception by Paramore explaining Sam's cynicism towards love and relationships in general. I love that song, and I just felt like it fit with Sam's backstory. Enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or The Only Exception but both rock!
When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sign of love
If it does not exist
Sam Puckett watched in horror as her parents fought yet again. They were screaming and throwing things, mostly glass bottles. She crept around the kitchen carefully so she wouldn't attract their attention. Sam had been the one to volunteer to go get her and Melanie something to eat for dinner. Not that there was much there anyway, but it was worth a shot. She had volunteered for the job because she knew what was happening outside the door. Sam didn't want Melanie to see their parents like that. They were the same age, but Sam was already so much more cynical than Melanie. She heard the drunken rage to make sure her twin didn't have to. Even at the tender young age of six, Sam knew how to survive. Melanie, on the other hand, was girly and weak. Sam always felt the need to protect her.
"I hate you! You're a good-for-nothing bastard! Maybe if you took your head out of your ass or better yet the bottle, you'd be able to support this family!" Sam's mom screamed at her dad. Sam grabbed a box of somewhat old crackers and a jar of peanut butter and quietly tried to make her way back to the small room she and Melanie shared in the dingy Puckett apartment.
"Like you're any better! You just sit at home and smoke all day! Not to mention all those other guys I know you're screwing! You think I don't see them sneaking out of the apartment when I come home? You're nothing a but a whore!" her father hurled back. Sam closed her eyes as more bottles were thrown. She couldn't remember when this started. It seemed like her parents had been fighting ever since she could remember. It was like a tornado, something she had just learned about it school. A tornado came through and destroyed everything in its past. You never knew when it was coming or when it would stop.
"Get out! Get the fuck out!" Sam's mother screamed at her father.
"Fine! Don't expect to ever see me again!" he roared, grabbing his leather jacket and slamming the door of their apartment. Sam's mom broke down on the floor. Horrible sounds were coming from her mouth like an animal dying. Sam took this as her opportunity to sneak back into her room.
Melanie was sitting anxiously on Sam's bed. "What was going on outside?" she asked timidly. Sam put on a reassuring fake smile.
"Mom and Dad were just having a little fight. He went to get some air. No big deal," Sam lied. She knew that had been the breaking point in their parents' marriage and that they were probably never going to see their dad ever again. Melanie nodded. She always believed Sam.
Later on that night, once Melanie was asleep, Sam snuck out of their room. She went into the small living room and found her mother passed out on the couch, a bottle of vodka on the table. She grabbed the bottled and emptied it out in the kitchen sink, praying that her mom would just assume she had finished it on that particular binge. Sam went back to where her mom was and starting picking up the broken glass. While she was cleaning, she stumbled upon a piece perfectly shaped like half of a heart. Sam pocketed this one. She kept it long after that day as a reminder that love didn't exist, and if it did, it wasn't worth the trouble.
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've get to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Many years later, a fourteen-year-old Sam Puckett was hanging out with Carly Shay and Freddie Benson in the Shay apartment. A lot had changed since that day when she was six. The biggest and not so surprising change was her parents splitting up. True to his word, her dad had jumped on the back of his Harley and never came back. He'd sent divorce papers in the mail. Both Melanie and her mom had been in denial, but Sam had seen it coming for a while. She took care of her sister as she always had.
As the twins grew up, more distinctions between them could be made. Melanie was prettier, nicer, and smarter. She was an excellent student, racking up many awards and As in the classroom. She was considered the nice Puckett. Sam was tough, abrasive, and totally uninterested to school no matter what her sister did. She put more merit in street smarts than school, stating that knowing algebra wouldn't put food in their fridge. Still, Sam had helped Melanie get a scholarship to a fancy boarding school in California, working a job and paying for the interview people to come out and see her sister, because she had more hope for Melanie. Melanie was smart and could actually do something with her life, and she deserved that chance.
Another change was Sam's friendships with Carly and Freddie. She and Carly had met in the third grade at lunch. Sam's stomach had been grumbling since her mom had used her paycheck to buy more booze, and she had thought Carly would be an easy target. To her surprise, the gentle brunette pushed her back. And from that day on, Carly Shay was her best friend. The two were a good match. Carly was everything that Sam wasn't and vice versa. She helped the friendly brunette loosen up, and Carly kept her from ending up in jail.
Freddie was a whole other story entirely. They weren't really friends at first, just connected through Carly. She had enjoyed picking on him, laughing at his crush on Carly and watching him get angry. For some reason it always gave her pleasure when Freddie was angry. Eventually, the two had become friends to a certain degree. Carly knew more about her, of course, but she and Freddie had an unspoken connection.
Currently, her two friends were discussing the future. Sam groaned. She hated talking about the future because she had no clue what she was going to do or what would happen one day. Sam liked living in the now. It was all she had ever done after all. Living in the future kept you from dealing with the present. Melanie was the one who had looked further into life, not Sam. Still, she felt compelled to join the conversation.
"And I'll have a big wedding at a church and my dad will give me away…" Carly trailed off dreamily. Sam rolled her eyes at the hopeful look on Freddie's face.
"Never going to happen, Benson," she said with a smirk. Freddie just glared at her. Carly, hoping to keep any coming argument at bay, turned to her friend.
"What about you, Sam? How do you want to get married?" she asked casually.
Sam just looked at her. "I don't," the devious blonde replied with a shrug.
"Don't what?" Carly questioned.
"I don't want to get married," Sam answered calmly. Carly just nodded in understanding, knowing about Sam's dad, but Freddie pressed on.
"Why not?" he badgered. Sam considered hitting him but then decided to answer the question.
"Because it's a sham! No two people could possibly stand each other for their whole lives. It's all fake," Sam ranted. Freddie just looked at her in surprise while Carly put her hand to her forehead. This wasn't going to end well.
"But what if you fall in love?" Freddie shot back.
"Love doesn't last!" Sam insisted. "It never lasts!" She felt tears in the back of her eyes and stood up. "I'm going home. See you guys later!"
Freddie and Carly watched as Sam stormed out of the apartment. Once she was gone, Freddie turned to Carly. "What was that?" he asked in shock. He had never seen Sam on the verge of tears. It was surprising to say the very least.
"That was Sam trying to keep a straight face," Carly replied. Seeing Freddie's confused expression, she continued. "Sam doesn't believe love lasts. She thinks people are bound to leave you eventually."
"That's horrible!" Freddie shouted.
"Sam says her parents' marriage proved that to her," Carly replied softly. Both were quiet for a moment, lost in thought. For the first time in his life, Freddie Benson felt sympathy for the blonde who loved to torment him. And something else he wouldn't put a name on for two years.
I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
A sixteen year old Sam slid out of the twin-sized bed and started to search for her clothes, occasionally glancing at the boy fast asleep. She picked her purple striped bra up off the floor and put it on, fastening it easily. She pulled on her blank tank top and put her multi-colored sweater on over it. She found her favorite Chucks she had doodled on in various colored markers and slipped them on over mismatched socks. While she did all of this, Freddie Benson remained in bed, asleep.
Last night wasn't planned at all. She had just been over Freddie's hanging out with him and Carly since Mrs. Benson had gone out of town for some family thing. It had been around eleven o'clock when Carly went home. Sam, knowing that her mom's newest sleazy boyfriend would be over, procrastinated leaving until Freddie finally asked her why she didn't want to go home. The question threw Sam off. Nobody had ever asked her that before. Carly and Spencer knew why she didn't want to go home, and they welcomed her into theirs without hesitation. No one else had ever needed to know. Still keeping up her guard, Sam vaguely mentioned she wasn't too fond of her mom's latest find. Freddie then offered to let her spend the night there, which she graciously accepted.
After that, things get hazy for Sam. She remembers stealing booze from Freddie's kitchen and sharing it with him. She remembers kissing him for the second time in her life and feeling sparks. She remembers the sex, Freddie on top of her. It had been scary and amazing and a lot of other things Sam couldn't explain. The sensible Sam scoffed at this new dreamy one for letting her guard down. Get a grip on reality, the voice told her. This isn't reality, it's a dream, it told her. Still, if this was a dream, Sam never wanted to wake up, which why she was currently sneaking out of the Benson apartment. She didn't want to wake up and have it be a dream. She didn't want to give Freddie a chance to leave her, to break her like her dad had done to her mom. It had been ten years, and Sam still had that piece of glass shaped like a broken heart. It served as a reminder of what love could do. And if love could break you, Sam wanted no part in it. Nobody was going to break her. She was sure of it.
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing
Sam Puckett is many things, but the best word to describe her is stubborn. She is a girl set in her beliefs, her ways, her rules. To Sam, having your own rules is the key to survival. You live by a set of rules that you determine works for you. The best thing about making your own rules, however, is that you can also make exceptions to them. Sam Puckett may not believe in the kind of love that lasts yet, but she's on her way to believing, and Freddie Benson would always be her only exception.
