I always remembered Jenny's birth like it was yesterday.
It was the rainiest day of the year. To this day, I don't think I've ever heard so much roaring thunder in my life. Maybe the stormy weather was some type of sign from God of what my sister's life would one day become; who knows. But as a 2 year old, I was beyond excited. The doctor motioned for Dad to bring me into the room, where my mom was holding her.
She was so beautiful. Her eyes were so big; her hair already so soft and blonde. The doctor knelt down to my height, and placed the baby in my small, shaky arms.
"You take care of your sister, now."
As I looked down at her in my arms, she blinked and reached out her tiny, tiny hand to me.
"See? She already loves you."
I smiled my proudest smile and looked down at her again.
"And I love you too. And I'll never let anything bad happen to you, ever, and nobody is allowed to touch you, ever."
I could already feel how protective I was of her. On that day, I gained the greatest sister anybody would ever have. She became my world.
I would never fail my baby sister.
But fourteen years later, I was starting my junior year of high school, and Jenny was the last thing on my mind. It wasn't that I cared about her less than before, but I just didn't pay attention enough. I was too wrapped up in getting my future stepsister Serena van der Woodsen to fall in love with me, and finally become a part of the popular crowd that I longed to be in since elementary school. It wasn't until she came home from the Kiss On The Lips party that I, at least emotionally, lost her forever.
"Chuck...he...he raped me, Dan."
Anger. Sadness. Guilty. I can't even tell you what I felt. All I know is that I wanted to fucking kill Chuck Bass.
She collapsed onto my bed, sobbing hysterically.
"Jen...none of this is your fault."
"Yes it is! It's totally my fault!" she shouted. "I was the one who went up to the roof with him. I pretty much asked for it. I'm the fucking moron here."
She sobbed herself to sleep, and I stayed watching her that whole night, plotting horrible revenge that was never carried out.
She was never the same after that. She shut everybody out, including me, the person who wanted nothing but to protect her.
I can't even imagine how she felt when Dad married Lily, making Chuck her new sort-of-stepbrother. The bastard apologized for what he did to her thousands and thousands of times, but it never did any good. In fact, it made her life more of a nightmare. After she graduated, she fell into hard drugs and wasted every bit of potential that she once had, which killed me inside. She was a trainwreck, and the Jenny that I once knew was nothing but a fading memory.
It was only a week ago that I had called her.
"Jen?"
"I can't talk now. But..."
I heard a sob, and nothing else.
"Jen? Jenny? What's the matter?"
"Dan, I love you. Bye."
And she abruptly hung up the phone.
It was like she knew that was the last time I would ever hear her voice.
Her death was ruled an accidental drug overdose. People are saying that she killed herself, just like Chuck had committed suicide a year ago, and that she had nothing to live for anymore. I don't like to think of that as true. To tell the truth, I blame myself. Maybe in recent years, I didn't tell her that I loved her as much as I should have. I quit protecting her years ago, even though that was the last thing I should've done after what happened to her in high school. Instead, I stood by and watched her deteriorate. I didn't do what I promised to do on the day she was born.
No matter what it all came down to, it led me here - her wake, at the mere age of 22. Staring at her lifeless body in the casket, I now realize that my worst nightmare has come true.
I failed my baby sister.
