Disclaimer: I do not own anything created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Although I do own the toddler (name to be revealed later.)

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I don't know how, but it just happened. Yes, that's right, an intruder has been caught in Bag-End. Not just anyone, no, but a little human boy, at least three or four years old. Either way, he never ceases to scream, cry, and slobber. He's in the cupboard now, screaming and thumping against the little wooden door as I am writing in my journal about this strange encounter.

I was making second breakfast for myself and dear Bilbo (whose One hundred and eleventh birthday feast is tonight) and then I hear some thumping about behind me.

"Uncle Bilbo? Is that you?" I asked turning around and seeing a big green eyed, brown haired child wearing a silvery bracelet staring up at me. He is wearing a red shirt labeled Hot Wheels, black trousers which are cut a bit short, and the strangest shoes that say, Bob the Builder on them. I also notice that there is drool dripping from his mouth to my beloved Bilbo's book that was half way chewed up.

"Were aer de markars?" the little boy asked, and yes still drooling on the book.

I stood dumbfounded for a few moments. Markers? What on Middle-Earth... After that brief moment I quickly snatched the book away from the youngster and tried to dry it as best as I could.

"Dat wus mime! MIME! MIME!" The boy screamed as he started stomping insanely.

There I was, shocked, so shocked that I dropped Bilbo's book into the sink. Fortunately the sink wasn't full. The toddler continued to scream "MIME!" and actually starting taking a liking at kicking my thigh (He is quite tall compared to a hobbit at his age, so obviously, he kept on missing my shin and kicking my thigh instead).

"Please! Calm down, I am frightfully sorry but this book belongs to my dear Uncle Bilbo and not you."

The young lad was quiet at once and stuck out his lower lip and tears started to develop in his eyes. His breathing was becoming a bit raspy.

"Oh, dear..."

The child suddenly fell to the ground, back arched, face red, and eye's streaming with tears. I tried to hand him a copy of Sam's book, which was titled, 101 uses of a Frying Pan, but he ended up taking the book and throwing it at my head, which unfortunately developed a lump that I still have now.

"Bert id wus mime! Mime boek!!! MIME!!!" At this point I was a bit ticked off

"It is not yours! It's Bilbo's you silly little boy! Now go away!"

The little youngster stopped, breathed, then started crying hysterically, again. Oh no...

This time I attempted to pick up the boy and throw him out. But he ended up kicking me very hard at the twig and berries, and yes I am still in great pain. After regaining consciousness I see him scribbling in my uncle's book with a carrot. I walked up to him, ready to beat the living daylights out of him.

"An dis iz de pert were Tee-Rex aets de blubberflie!" The child laughed threateningly, causing my poor hobbit ears additional pain.

I finally stated that I have had enough of this and grabbed the boy, ignoring his screams and stabs (from the carrot) and chucking him into the cupboard full of Uncle Bilbo's fine porcelain dishes. Now I come to this point. Yes, it's quite horrible and I hope his parents come over and get him, although I have never seen many humans come around the Shire. I think I will just ask Gandalf to help me.

I have a feeling this boy is going to get me into a massive amount of trouble... I will write more about this menace later for I have to get ready for Bilbo's party.

Sincerely, Frodo Baggins

Note to self: May this child be a spy for Sauron?

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A/N: This story just popped into my head and I just HAD to write it. Next chapter should be up soon enough although I do I have to write for my other story as well.

So, do you like it? Hate it? Love it? Despise it? Tell me by reviewing. I highly suggest that you do not flame me but preferably give me some constructive criticism. Review! Pretty please, with sprinkles on top???