Disclaimer: We do not own Final Fantasy VIII, neither do we own Romeo and
Juliet. That is all we wish to say.
The Spoof
**A reporter holds a microphone to the ingenious duo, sitting poised in their poofy Hollywood recliners. They are wearing sunglasses and shiny clothes. Lin flashes her tooth grin as Sam only smirks on**
Reporter: Tell me, what possessed you to write this wonderful script based on Romeo and Juliet with the characters in Final Fantasy VIII?
Lin: Oh, we weren't possessed. We're always like this! *Thumbs up*
Reporter: *Laughs cheerfully* Oh, you're so funny!
Sam: Actually, we're dead serious.
Reporter: *Silent for a moment, then clears her throat* Right . well, anyways! Tell us the title of your play!
Sam: It's called-
Selphie: *In the background* FUN TIME!
Irvine: Pick Up Chicks Time!
Rinoa: Chh, it's called 'Squallio and Rinoette'
Lin: That was unnecessarily gay. *Waves the actors away* It's called 'The Spoof'.
Reporter: Very original.
Sam: I know, I came up with it.
Lin: *Gasps, insulted* Lies!
Sam: No, I really did.
Lin: You really didn't.
Sam: Yeah, I really did.
Lin: No .
Sam: Ye-
Reporter: Ok! This is Sandy Renaldo signing off with my hairstyle of the week.
Sam: That is ugly.
Lin: Looks like something crawled there and died.
Sam: And some hair is thinning out right around-
Reporter: Ok, shut up!
***
**Tonight, on prime TV . we air for this time, and this time only 'The Spoof' that made box office. The one and only presentation of this wonderful play, edited by Sam and Lin, was last weekend. Hope you're tuning in because if you aren't, you must be one hell of a loser.**
**Red, velvet curtains are draped across the stage that will become a magnificent show. One, solitary light goes on and it moves across the curtains. It then shoots up onto one of the balconies and the figures of the two directors are seen.**
Sam: Welcome one!
Lin: Welcome all!
Sam: We are so proud to present our own spoof of Romeo and Juliet with your favorite characters of Final Fantasy VIII!
Lin: And so to begin . *Clapping is head* Chorus . shall lead us into it.
**Gnome is seen on stage, the curtains are still closed. He clears his throat and waits for the applause to be done.**
Gnome: Two households both alike in dignity, in fair Verona where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new mutiny. Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life. Whose misadventure piteous overthrows. Doth with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-marked love and the continuance of their parents' rage which, but their children's end not could remove s now the two-hour's traffic of our stage. The which if you with patient ears attend what here shall miss, our toil will strive to mend.
(Lin: *Whispers to Sam* See? See! I told you it was a good idea to hire him.
Sam: Ok, by the way he's walking . that dwarf is drunk off his ass.
Lin: Oh, fiddlesticks! He doesn't even have a slur.)
Gnome: *Pukes as he exits the stage, crowd groans with discomfort*
(Lin: Ok . maybe he's had a wee bit.
Sam: By what's on his shirt, I think that was a wee bit more than a wee bit. Definitely the work of tequila, damn Mexican dealers.)
**A thousand naked children appear on stage as the curtain draws with wooden swords, poky sticks and brooms. They start bitch-slapping each other and smacking themselves with their weapons**
Child #106: Ow, my bum!
Child #34: It's stuck there! I can't get it out!
(Sam: *Whispers* Oh you're creative juices must have been raging rivers when you thought up that scene. *Sinking low in her chair so not to be seen*
Lin: Hee . )
**Zell and Fujin appear on stage as Benvolio and Tybalt**
Zell: What be this fray? STOP! You know not what you do! For the sake of Hotdogs! You shameful, naked children! Put up thy swords . no, not those ones!
Fujin: COWARD! FIGHT! Deeeath! *Prods with plastic light saber. Looks at children* DIGUST! *Attention returns to Zell and begins to fights with him*
**Caraway and Cid as Capulet and his wife. Cid is wearing a blond wig and a dress . he looks quite happy about it too**
Caraway: What noise is this? Give me my longsword, ho!
Cid: Oh you heartless jerk! *Cries* I'm not a ho.
Caraway: *Clenches his teeth* That's the line!
Cid: Ooh! Oooh! Uh . no. Because . you are old and . frail. Not only on the battlefield but in the bedroom too. *Giggles*
Caraway: *Clears his throat* My sword I say!
**Enter Norg and Adel as Montague and his wife**
Norg: Bujurururururu! I am FAT!
Adel: And ugly.
Norg: Bujururururu, you know you like it bitch! Who's yo daddy? Bujururu . I am Montague. What fray be this here now then be? Do not hold me back .
Adel: *Pinches his blubber* Do not participate in this, you old fool. *Very, very, very monotonous voice*
Norg: Tee hee! That tickles!
**Prince Escalus who is played by a moomba enters stage left on a wooden horse on wheels that is being pulled from the other side of the stage discreetly. He wears a crown and a name tag that says 'Prince'.**
Moomba: *Gives the finger to naked children and the Montagues and Capulets. The message seems quite clear.*
Norg: Bujurururururu! I apologize! I was beating them at the orphanage and they got away.
Moomba: *In moomba language* If you disrupt the peace once more than you will pay for it with your lives.
**Everyone nods in unison and all exit except Benvolio, Montague and his wife**
Norg: Bujurururu! Tell me, good Benvolio . who be it that start this fray be here, who?
Zell: *Looks at him queerly* Well, I was having me a hotdog in the plaza . when BAM! Thousands of nakeds of children coming out from every nook and cranny! So I says to Mable, that's the waitress, 'I've never spotted so many naked children except at my uncle's orphanage!' and then they started prodding themselves with those dildos and I was like 'Wooooah!' and Tybalt came out of nowhere and scared thy shit out of me! I nearly choked on his wiener! I mean . MY HOTDOG!
(Lin: *Pissing herself laughing and chokes on her hotdog*
Sam: *Casually watching with popcorn*)
Adel: I'm glad my worthless son wasn't there. He would have raped the children. Hath you seen him, Benvolio?
Zell: Well . women seem to think he's gay, to be politically correct 'homosexual' . so he's all sad 'cause he ain't getting none. Oh, here he is.
**Squall as Romeo enters stage right**
Norg: Bujururururururu! The sight of his ugly-ness is mortifying. Let's away! To the lard mobile!
**Adel pushes Norg and he rolls off stage without trouble. She exits herself**
Zell: I have something that'll cheer you up!
Squall: No need, a flock of running naked children came my way.
Zell: Ah . *Wriggles eyebrows*
Squall: Whatever.
Zell: Wanna go to a party so we can get drunk AND laid?
Squall: Whatever.
Zell: I see that 'gimme-gimme' look in your eyes .
Squall: Whatever.
**Curtain closes.**
The Spoof
**A reporter holds a microphone to the ingenious duo, sitting poised in their poofy Hollywood recliners. They are wearing sunglasses and shiny clothes. Lin flashes her tooth grin as Sam only smirks on**
Reporter: Tell me, what possessed you to write this wonderful script based on Romeo and Juliet with the characters in Final Fantasy VIII?
Lin: Oh, we weren't possessed. We're always like this! *Thumbs up*
Reporter: *Laughs cheerfully* Oh, you're so funny!
Sam: Actually, we're dead serious.
Reporter: *Silent for a moment, then clears her throat* Right . well, anyways! Tell us the title of your play!
Sam: It's called-
Selphie: *In the background* FUN TIME!
Irvine: Pick Up Chicks Time!
Rinoa: Chh, it's called 'Squallio and Rinoette'
Lin: That was unnecessarily gay. *Waves the actors away* It's called 'The Spoof'.
Reporter: Very original.
Sam: I know, I came up with it.
Lin: *Gasps, insulted* Lies!
Sam: No, I really did.
Lin: You really didn't.
Sam: Yeah, I really did.
Lin: No .
Sam: Ye-
Reporter: Ok! This is Sandy Renaldo signing off with my hairstyle of the week.
Sam: That is ugly.
Lin: Looks like something crawled there and died.
Sam: And some hair is thinning out right around-
Reporter: Ok, shut up!
***
**Tonight, on prime TV . we air for this time, and this time only 'The Spoof' that made box office. The one and only presentation of this wonderful play, edited by Sam and Lin, was last weekend. Hope you're tuning in because if you aren't, you must be one hell of a loser.**
**Red, velvet curtains are draped across the stage that will become a magnificent show. One, solitary light goes on and it moves across the curtains. It then shoots up onto one of the balconies and the figures of the two directors are seen.**
Sam: Welcome one!
Lin: Welcome all!
Sam: We are so proud to present our own spoof of Romeo and Juliet with your favorite characters of Final Fantasy VIII!
Lin: And so to begin . *Clapping is head* Chorus . shall lead us into it.
**Gnome is seen on stage, the curtains are still closed. He clears his throat and waits for the applause to be done.**
Gnome: Two households both alike in dignity, in fair Verona where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new mutiny. Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life. Whose misadventure piteous overthrows. Doth with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-marked love and the continuance of their parents' rage which, but their children's end not could remove s now the two-hour's traffic of our stage. The which if you with patient ears attend what here shall miss, our toil will strive to mend.
(Lin: *Whispers to Sam* See? See! I told you it was a good idea to hire him.
Sam: Ok, by the way he's walking . that dwarf is drunk off his ass.
Lin: Oh, fiddlesticks! He doesn't even have a slur.)
Gnome: *Pukes as he exits the stage, crowd groans with discomfort*
(Lin: Ok . maybe he's had a wee bit.
Sam: By what's on his shirt, I think that was a wee bit more than a wee bit. Definitely the work of tequila, damn Mexican dealers.)
**A thousand naked children appear on stage as the curtain draws with wooden swords, poky sticks and brooms. They start bitch-slapping each other and smacking themselves with their weapons**
Child #106: Ow, my bum!
Child #34: It's stuck there! I can't get it out!
(Sam: *Whispers* Oh you're creative juices must have been raging rivers when you thought up that scene. *Sinking low in her chair so not to be seen*
Lin: Hee . )
**Zell and Fujin appear on stage as Benvolio and Tybalt**
Zell: What be this fray? STOP! You know not what you do! For the sake of Hotdogs! You shameful, naked children! Put up thy swords . no, not those ones!
Fujin: COWARD! FIGHT! Deeeath! *Prods with plastic light saber. Looks at children* DIGUST! *Attention returns to Zell and begins to fights with him*
**Caraway and Cid as Capulet and his wife. Cid is wearing a blond wig and a dress . he looks quite happy about it too**
Caraway: What noise is this? Give me my longsword, ho!
Cid: Oh you heartless jerk! *Cries* I'm not a ho.
Caraway: *Clenches his teeth* That's the line!
Cid: Ooh! Oooh! Uh . no. Because . you are old and . frail. Not only on the battlefield but in the bedroom too. *Giggles*
Caraway: *Clears his throat* My sword I say!
**Enter Norg and Adel as Montague and his wife**
Norg: Bujurururururu! I am FAT!
Adel: And ugly.
Norg: Bujururururu, you know you like it bitch! Who's yo daddy? Bujururu . I am Montague. What fray be this here now then be? Do not hold me back .
Adel: *Pinches his blubber* Do not participate in this, you old fool. *Very, very, very monotonous voice*
Norg: Tee hee! That tickles!
**Prince Escalus who is played by a moomba enters stage left on a wooden horse on wheels that is being pulled from the other side of the stage discreetly. He wears a crown and a name tag that says 'Prince'.**
Moomba: *Gives the finger to naked children and the Montagues and Capulets. The message seems quite clear.*
Norg: Bujurururururu! I apologize! I was beating them at the orphanage and they got away.
Moomba: *In moomba language* If you disrupt the peace once more than you will pay for it with your lives.
**Everyone nods in unison and all exit except Benvolio, Montague and his wife**
Norg: Bujurururu! Tell me, good Benvolio . who be it that start this fray be here, who?
Zell: *Looks at him queerly* Well, I was having me a hotdog in the plaza . when BAM! Thousands of nakeds of children coming out from every nook and cranny! So I says to Mable, that's the waitress, 'I've never spotted so many naked children except at my uncle's orphanage!' and then they started prodding themselves with those dildos and I was like 'Wooooah!' and Tybalt came out of nowhere and scared thy shit out of me! I nearly choked on his wiener! I mean . MY HOTDOG!
(Lin: *Pissing herself laughing and chokes on her hotdog*
Sam: *Casually watching with popcorn*)
Adel: I'm glad my worthless son wasn't there. He would have raped the children. Hath you seen him, Benvolio?
Zell: Well . women seem to think he's gay, to be politically correct 'homosexual' . so he's all sad 'cause he ain't getting none. Oh, here he is.
**Squall as Romeo enters stage right**
Norg: Bujururururururu! The sight of his ugly-ness is mortifying. Let's away! To the lard mobile!
**Adel pushes Norg and he rolls off stage without trouble. She exits herself**
Zell: I have something that'll cheer you up!
Squall: No need, a flock of running naked children came my way.
Zell: Ah . *Wriggles eyebrows*
Squall: Whatever.
Zell: Wanna go to a party so we can get drunk AND laid?
Squall: Whatever.
Zell: I see that 'gimme-gimme' look in your eyes .
Squall: Whatever.
**Curtain closes.**
