A/N: Oh hey, season seven! I'm so excited for this one. I'm going to try to include as many different POVs as I can. Also, some of the chapters might be on the shorter side, but there will be more of them, since there are so many great episodes to write for!
Spoilers for episodes 7x1 and 7x2, Built To Kill.
As I sat at Sam's funeral, my mother on one side of me and Lindsey on the other, I felt wholly, completely numb.
Why did Sam always have to mess things up for my family? I was only just coming to terms with accepting him as my father, and now he's gone. My mother couldn't control her tears, she soaked through three handkerchiefs. Lindsey was as quiet as a mouse and as still as a statue. I was worried about them both. I didn't have enough time to be worried about me.
The turnout at the funeral was huge. I didn't recognize half the faces in the church. But seated a couple rows back from me and my family, the team sat together. They had come to pay their respects to Sam and show support for me. I was grateful, but I didn't have the time or energy to face them quite yet.
When the service ended, Lindsey melted into me, and I wrapped my arms around her, feeling her sob into my shoulder. She was struggling to recuperate, just like I was. In that moment, I swore to myself that I would try harder to be a better mother and friend to her. It was a promise I'd made time and time again, always failing to live up to it like a New Year's resolution by summertime. But this time, I told myself, it would be different. Sam had lost his chance to be a real father to me. Lindsey had no father left. I was all she had.
The sun was unnaturally bright as we stepped outside the church, blurring my vision. I shook so many hands and was offered so many hugs, I lost track, operating on autopilot after the first couple dozen. A hand on my shoulder almost made me jump.
"Cath," Grissom said softly. "I'm so sorry."
I accepted his hug, because it was one that I actually wanted. I allowed myself to cry just a little in his embrace, because I hadn't let myself shed even one tear since Sam was shot, for my mother's and Lindsey's sake. When we pulled away, Grissom's brow was wrinkled in concern.
"I'll be ready to get back to work the day after tomorrow," I said, clearing my throat. "Just… a few loose ends to tie up."
"Don't worry about work," he said. "We have it covered… if you need more time."
I shook my head.
"Thanks, but no thanks," I said. "I think the best thing for me to do – for all of us to do – is get back to normal as soon as possible. But I appreciate the offer."
He nodded.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there much for you," he offered. "I had no idea until…"
"It's okay," I cut in. "I-I can handle it. And Warrick was there at the crash. And Sara helped at the motel."
An odd little smile crossed his face as his eyes flickered to the spot where Sara lingered by her car.
"Well, anything you need, just let me know."
"Thanks, Gil."
A while after our conversation, I buried my father and the numbness reclaimed me. And when I went back to work, the first few days were tough. The distraction was needed, but it was difficult to watch Nick and Warrick teasing each other, Greg throwing jokes, Sara looking especially cheerful and even Grissom cracking a smile or two, while I was working so hard to keep my family, my life and my sanity in tact.
I guess I just wasn't meant for a happy ending.
