Cooking

Cooking. Is. Retarded.
I can't believe it. I'm supposed to be good at everything! These eggs are obviously deficient, these spoons are not meant to be handled by my beautiful hands. This flour is below me.
All over a loaf of bread.
The Wonder Chef (he still won't tell me his name. Bastard.) sighs heavily. "Mr. Chosen... I'm real sorry to say this, but I don't think you're cut out for cooking."
"What do you mean I'm not cut out for cooking?!" I slam my fist into the table, harder than I'd wanted to. A few bowls come dangerously close to crashing to the floor.
The Chef winces. "I-I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this just isn't your strong point."
Not my strong point? Everything's my strong point! I'm the great Zelos Wilder!
The Chef sees the look on my face and instantly regrets having said anything.
"Ah... uh..." he stammers, nearly tripping over a sack of flour. "What I meant was that... making bread was not your strong point! Um... Why don't we make some fried rice or something?" He runs off to the pantry, sweating buckets and generally spazzing out.
Ugh... this guy. Why did I ever get involved with him? What a klutz. Almost as bad as that angel chick. Colette, that's her name. Anyway... oh yes. I'd once heard Sheena mention she likes guys who can make a decent meal, and that blue-haired girl... Raine, she agreed. Heheh... after this cooking class, I'll be irresistible.
"H-here you go, Mr. Chosen, ah... if you'll come with me, we can get the rice cooking." He shoves a few bowls of ingredients into my arms before running off again. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Don't lose your cool. This is going towards a good cause.
I drop the bowls onto a countertop, none too gently, and look around the kitchen. The place is no joke. This guy's got all the latest magitechnology in here, for a moment I wonder if this is the real reason for the mana shortages in Sylvarant. Wouldn't that be a laugh.
CRASH!
"Whoops! Be right there, Mr. Chosen!"
Goddess above... what an idiot. Sheena needs to see this guy. Maybe then she'll stop calling me the idiot.
Just out of curiosity, I dip a finger in one of my... not-so-great dishes. Ugh. It's worse than the curry I made for that gnome. Good thing it was stupid as hell. Goddess, I could give Raine a run for her money with these dishes. Speaking of Raine... where's that so-called Wonder Chef?
"I'm back, Mr. Chosen!"
Right on cue. He's holding a case of what look like elaborately carved spoons.
"So, Mr. Chosen, what you're going to do is-- ah!"
Oh dear. He's tripped again, and his spoons are scattered all over the floor.
"Not mother's spoons! Oh, Martel, why? Why?"
"Um... are you okay?"
"SON? WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?"
"I-I'm sorry Mama, I'll fix it right away!!"
Okay then. As I walk out the door, my only thought now is that the Wonder Archaeologist had better not be related to the Wonder Chef. Or else, someone would be getting a good beating. Which, as it turns out, is the one thing I'm really good at.