((The title is from the song Dreaming by System of a Down.))


Bring the Dark Disaster

Preston's voice behind Kalyna spoke of victory, of triumph. She didn't feel it. She felt the same cold anger that had formed when she'd fired a bullet in Father's head. That he looked a lot more like her than Nate made it easier.

Now all that was left to do was to push that button. The scientists and civilians were safe. The synths, too. Only corpses remained in the Institute proper. Of those that had given them no choice, of many lower generation synths. And coursers. A lot of coursers. In the chaos, Kalyna might have missed him, but she was almost certain that X6-88 hadn't been among them. She was torn between dread and relief. His absence – if, indeed, she hadn't just failed to notice him and he lay dead with the rest – meant that he was out there, abiding his time. It made her anxious to return to Sanctuary, where her people, those she hadn't taken into the heart of madness, were.

And then, of course, there was Shaun. The synth-Shaun. The one good thing Father had done for her, even after her betrayal. She had no regret. Not that it made her feel better.

A warm hand was placed on her shaking one. 'Are you okay, Whisper?' Deacon stood behind her, his chest to her back. 'Anything else, I'd do for you, but this … this has to be you or you'll hate me forever.'

Kalyna swallowed. 'He's already dead.' She hadn't told anyone that. 'I shot him. I didn't plan to, meant to have him wait for the explosion. You know why I didn't?'

Deacon gave a humourless chuckle. 'You didn't want to leave him the slightest chance to make it out alive.'

Kalyna nodded. 'You know me way too well.' She took a deep breath. And then she slammed her fist onto the button.

The effect was immediate. The ground shook with the force of the explosion, and then the mushroom-shaped dust cloud rose high into the sky, a menacing reminder of what had happened at the end of her former life. She turned to face Deacon, again ignoring everyone else. Her eyes burnt when they met his. 'Щоб тебе качка копнула.' Deacon's lips twitched. He knew what it meant and he knew it was her way of telling him she was fine. At last, he lost the battle against himself and he grinned at her. And when he did, she laughed. Truly, it was more maniacal than joyful, but God, it was liberating.

Ϡ

At first, Kalyna didn't hear the soft knock. Small wonder. Once she'd got home, she'd started hauling furniture from other houses over. Granted, the heavy lifting had been done by Strong under Sturges's direction. But still, she'd needed to create a room for her son. It was so easy to think of him that way. She'd asked him if he wanted to pick a room and he had, for some reason, chosen the one that was, in essence, Deacon's. She'd told Shaun as much, and added that what she meant was that he could pick any room that wasn't clearly someone's den already.

There was a bedroom, a bathroom, such as it was, and Deacon had his space with a desk, a few holotapes, and a terminal. She suspected that he used it for playing rather than working, but if that was what floated his boat she was fine with that. The man was likely to work himself into an early grave as it was, so any downtime he took was good for him.

Now they had added walls, a bed, a sofa, and space for Shaun to build stuff. He seemed to be good at it. Sturges certainly was thrilled and Kalyna couldn't wait until he met Tinker Tom.

It had all been very exhausting, and now Shaun was fast asleep in his room, Kalyna had succumbed to sleep at once when she'd lain down. Therefore, it had taken a few knocks before the sound finally made it through to Kalyna's mind and she jerked awake.

Quickly, she ran to the door and yanked it open. 'Deacon!' she called after the retreating figure. 'Where do you think you're going?'

'Oh,' he made, turning to face her. 'Just across the street. I was going to fall into bed there and spend the night worrying if you hadn't heard me or if you'd chosen not to hear me.'

'What?' Kalyna blinked, too tired to fully process what he was saying.

Deacon removed his shades, his eyes wide and blue and so caring. 'Before you yell at me, or worse, are hurt, I know that you … God. I just don't get what you see when you look at me, other than a means to an end. And now you have achieved that end … well. You don't need me anymore.'

'That's your own fault for getting involved with a non-native speaker, Deacon. I didn't realise that when I say, "I love you", it actually translates to: "I find you moderately useful."'

'Hah. Gets everyone, that.'

'And I haven't needed you or anyone for a long while.'

'I know. Whisper, that's why I'm here. Dez … kind of kicked me out of HQ less than an hour after the Institute went boom. Said I was useless while I was pining and I should go and get you to tell me what I should know anyway. Dez's words, not mine.'

Kalyna folded her arms. 'Well. I never did like bald men. Nor blue-eyed ones, for that matter.'

Deacon opened his arms wide and Kalyna stepped into his embrace, letting his warmth seep through to her very soul. 'Clearly, you're doing something wrong, then.' He kissed her, chastely. 'But … I know this face is rather new to you. I could, you know, go to the surgeon. It's not that big of a deal for me.'

'I actually like this face.'

'Oh, hell. You sure?'

'Very.' Kalyna kissed the tip of his nose, then his cheeks, then his forehead. 'Would be a shame to alter that, but it's not my call to make. I just know that I like it.' There was the fact that he'd told her this face was close to the original, and she had a feeling it was the truth. In fact, it had been a long time since Deacon had seriously tried to lie to her.

Deacon gave her a long look. 'That … means a lot to me. Weird, eh?'

'Well, this is who you really are, isn't it? The real Deacon. Come home with me.'

'Home, huh?'

'Isn't it?'

'It feels like it, seeing how I spend most of my time there. It's just the first time you say it out loud.' He followed her and slipped into bed beside her.

Cuddled against Deacon's chest, it would have been easy to fall asleep at once. But there was one more thing. 'Deacon?'

'Huh?'

'There's something you should know.' When no further prompt came, Kalyna continued. 'The only reason why I could shoot Father is that he never looked like Nate. He was always a carbon copy of me, with some of Nate's dad mix into it. But if he'd really looked like him …' She faltered, and for a few seconds she thought Deacon had fallen asleep.

'Do you think,' he said after a small eternity, 'that I could shoot anyone who looked like Barbara?' He shifted and tilted her face up so she looked at him in the wan glow from the street light outside. 'Kalyna … you've loved Nate before me. You'll always love him, and that's … that's perfectly all right. I've been there, you know.'

His eyes were so beautiful, every part of his face full of love. 'You actually get this, don't you?'

Deacon's fingers carded through her hair. 'Totally. And I don't want you to banish Nate from your heart. That'd be a cruel and impossible thing to demand. I mean, you followed me to Barbara's grave, watched me fight down my tears, and you're still here. It didn't make you think that I love you any less. I just … come with a past. And so do you. Even though yours doesn't have crimes of your own in it.'

'Deacon, I …'

'Whisper, go to sleep. You can barely keep your eyes open. You can believe this: I'd find it scary if you could kill a Nate look-alike. And I'm glad you told me this. I appreciate that it isn't an easy thing to say. Really, though. I have to tell you to go to sleep every other night. Whatever did you do before me?'

She punched his shoulder with all the force of a puppy. 'Talk to myself. Less contradiction there. Mean Deacon.'

Ϡ

Kalyna awoke alone when it was still dark. The bed beside her was warm, so Deacon couldn't have gone far. She buried her face in the pillow, inhaling his scent. A sharp rap on the window nearly wrenched a scream from her, but somehow her instincts had caught up with the world she lived in and she rolled soundlessly out of bed, landing in a crouch and grabbing the Deliverer from the nightstand, pointing at the window. Cautiously, she looked up. She swore and put the gun away before going outside. Deacon was shaking with laughter. 'Cut it out,' she said. 'I could have shot you.'

'Nah. You wouldn't. Imagine having to replace the window. Intact glass is a rare luxury indeed.'

'What on earth is going on anyway?'

'Come with me. Tell me if you see what I do. And no sound.'

There was no way to guess if Deacon was serious or if this was some sort of joke. It could be either. He led her out of Sanctuary and up a hill. They'd sat there often, talking. But surely this wasn't the time. Deacon turned to face her and put a finger on his lips and stared into the night. 'Damn,' he said eventually. 'Someone's been skulking here. I think we need protection. A few of those fun little mines, maybe?'

'Something that doesn't blast traders into bits might be better.'

'Kalyna, if this is the courser we have a serious problem.'

'Damn.'

'Yes. That's just the thing.'

'I'll organise watches tomorrow. This isn't good.' She squinted at him. 'Why did you come here in the first place?'

'Intuition, I suppose. Also, I couldn't really sleep. I've been worrying about him all day. I didn't see him in the Institute, dead or alive. He's somewhere and I bet he wants to take it out on you.'

'We should talk to Danse.'

'I cannot believe I'm saying that, but yes, we should. Him and Preston and RJ. No need to make everyone else nervous.' He sat on the ground. 'Have you ever been to Ukraine, Whisper?'

She smiled and sat next to him, leaning against his side. 'Yes. I wanted to go again when Shaun was a bit older. I hoped maybe then he'd ask to learn the language.'

'I wonder. If it's like this, there, now. Everywhere, really. It must be, or someone would have come over by now.'

'To finish off the sorry rest or to help?'

Deacon gave a bark of laughter. 'Yeah. One of those. So we can safely assume they really did it and mucked it all up for everyone.' He pointed a finger at her. 'There is one good side to that, though. The constant threat of everyone being wiped out in one go is gone. 'Cause they don't have the means anymore. Not because humanity suddenly grew brighter.'

'And I can love you.' Kalyna had a hand on the back of Deacon's neck. 'This is going to sound absurd, but I'm not the same woman who fled into that vault.'

He shook his head. 'No. You're not. You're cautious but not fearful, and you're not the danger junkie you threatened to become for a bit. And you're not done. I wonder where all this will take you, and sometimes I worry if I'll be able to keep up.'

'Like I'd leave you behind. Ever.' She nudged him. 'The state attorney I was would never sit here with you. I'd lost the ability to believe that a man can turn himself around. You've shown me otherwise, reminded me that redemption is a very real thing.'

'You're going somewhere with this. Other than trying to convince me that I deserve any of this. Come on, I can see it in that tilt of your left eyebrow. Spill.'

Kalyna bit her lower lip. 'If X6-88 does show up here, I'd like to talk to him. We won't shoot him without giving him a chance to speak up. And this isn't a democratic decision. He gets that chance. Full stop.'

'Dangerous.'

'I mean, he's free now, too.'

'Reckless.'

'Well, what about restraining him?'

'Whisper, he's a courser. I promise you that I won't shoot on sight. I will not help you tell Danse that he can't, though.'

'Good! Because Danse is very unlikely to do what you say.'

'Hey, maybe I should try after all!'

This time, her nudge was harder. 'You know what? I take it back. You're terrible.'

Deacon laughed softly. 'And you are a danger junkie.'

The sun was rising, casting the world in a pale light. 'No. I just met someone who showed me that people deserve a chance to prove that they're more than sum of their past actions.' She trailed her hand up the back of his head, caressing the soft, smooth skin.

Deacon closed his eyes and Kalyna half expected him to purr. 'And here I wanted to teach you sensible things,' he said quietly.

'Here's a sensible idea. Let's go back. If Shaun wakes up, I want to be there.' She smiled. 'I'd also like to introduce the man I love to him properly.'

'What if he doesn't like me?'

'He'll adore you.' She smiled. 'He's my son, after all. Now come on. And keep the shades off or I swear I'll burn them.'

Deacon laughed and tucked them into the front of his shirt. He put an arm around her shoulders as they walked back to Sanctuary. 'My beautiful, bright Kalyna, this is you assuming I only have the one pair.'

She smiled pleasantly. 'There are other things you have only one pair of, my love. Wouldn't want anything to happen to those, would you?'

'Ah … There's one thing I need to fetch real quick, Calamari.'

'Calamari? What are you, suicidal?'

Deacon grinned. 'Well, Strong does call you Kala.'

'Never again, or I swear, my revenge will be horrible.'

'I had to try. I'll bring you a peace offering. Won't be a minute.'

Ϡ

Deacon watched Kalyna as she checked on Shaun, who was fast asleep. She acted as if the end of the Institute meant the fight was over. She knew better, but if she needed a breather, she was more than entitled to it. And having a child to look after changed a lot, of course.

Deacon felt a pang of envy. He had always wanted children. He'd shoved that idea firmly out of his head at the death of his wife. What would Shaun see in him? He had it hardwired into his mind that Kalyna was his mother. She knew that this boy wasn't her son and Deacon wondered how, in the future, they would handle the fact that he was likely trapped in the body of a child. Or maybe he'd age. Then he didn't need to know the truth, could live his life thinking he was just a kid. A blissful state for a synth. And if he didn't age, there was always Amari.

And Deacon … Deacon was an intruder. He was about to go out and do something he could pretend was useful when Kalyna looked at him over her shoulder and beckoned him closer. He stood next to her, feeling out of place and lost. She put an arm around his back and leaned up to kiss his cheek. 'You are my family and nothing changes that. I want you to know that.'

'When did I become so readable?'

'Only to me.' She sighed. 'Come on. What did you bring over?'

Deacon took her hand and led her to their sofa. 'Well. While I was out on a mission, quite a long while ago, I found this little ethic shop. I brought back a few Ukrainian books, you know that. But they had all sorts of stuff, and the books aren't all I took with me.' He pointed at a shapeless package sitting on the kitchen table. 'I meant to show you these when we have a reason to celebrate. I think this is the time. Go on, take a look.'

Apprehensive, Kalyna peeled the crumbling paper off what she soon realised was fabric. It was unbleached linen. Actual, real linen, relatively coarse. 'That can't be what I think it is,' she said.

'I thought that, too. There wasn't much left that wasn't half eaten by mole rats, but these two have survived in almost pristine condition.'

Kalyna freed the item of its package completely and let it fall open, revealing a red cross stitch pattern on the front and the sleeves that had been folded into it so only the pale cloth was visible. 'How did you know?'

'That these are Ukrainian? Because there was a plaque saying so. I took two. They match.'

'Not exactly inconspicuous for a spy.'

Deacon sighed. 'No. But awfully pretty for nice quiet days at home.'

'You do realise that people are going to stare at you.'

'Let them. They're not getting any.' Of what, he didn't say.

Kalyna tossed him the second shirt. 'Put it on. Chop, chop!'

Deacon obeyed quickly and Kalyna shed the torn t-shirt she'd been wearing and replaced it with Deacon's salvage, too, before sitting on the couch with him again. 'So today we celebrate, I suggest.'

'Seconded.'

'We have more ahead of us, though. This strikes one problem off the list. Which leaves us with a courser and a certain blimp.'

'Oh. That can wait.'

Kalyna shook her head. 'No. There's something brewing, Deacon. They need to be dealt with.' She looked at him. 'If we ignore them, they'll find you and murder every last one of you.'

Deacon gave her a look. Sometimes in moments like this, he thought of the first time he had seen her, hiding on the banister of the Old North Church, and found himself unable to reconcile the two. Oh, how he'd underestimated her. 'Here's the thing, though: How would they find us?' They shouldn't. The only agent in any contact with the Brotherhood of Steel was Whisper and she wouldn't betray them.

Kalyna's head snapped up at a small sound. 'Shaun's awake,' she said. With a grin, she continued, wiping the last of his worries away. 'You always wanted to have kids, no? Well, your time has come.' She became serious again. 'I don't want Shaun in a war between the Railroad and the Brotherhood. I need to avoid that at all costs. I'm telling you, Deacon, if I don't make a move something bad is going to happen. Someone once told me to trust my gut. And my gut says, outmanoeuvre them.'


((With this I'm officially done with those two. Now this leads right up to the next part. I'd actually written this by hand in a notebook on a cruise down the Danube and had forgotten it completely until I cracked that book open now, three quarters of a year later, and wondered what the hell all that hastily scribbled text was. Seriously, I'd been planning this and then completely forgot about it. So, belatedly, here's the last missing bit in their ridiculously long timeline.

Щоб тебе качка копнула still means 'May you get kicked by a duck' and reads /Shchob tebe katchka kopnula/. Ukrainian curses are weird.))