AN: I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth! I've just been in school, which let's face it, is basically the same thing. So here's a quick one shot, inspired by a tumbler post -again.
It doesn't really have a proper time or place. So, just think of it as a nice little BruceNat AU.
Natasha had never been afraid of the dark, even from a very young age she had welcomed the night, the obscurity which came within it, finding a sense of calm in the way the darkness seemed to transform everything around her. She had been a quiet little girl, observant and cautious, a true child of the night.
As she had grown, as they had carefully taken out the innocence from her and had replaced it with malice, structure and detachment, the darkness had transformed from being a comfortable friend, to a vital ally. She learned to move in the darkness, to see beyond the shadows and dark gray areas, she learned to look for the light shadows and glimpses of light which would help her finish her missions and not drown alongside her victims.
It hadn't been until SHIELD had fallen, until she had willingly thrown her life into the light of day when she had realized she had not only learned how to navigate inside those shadows, but had lived most of her life in them, in the protected cocoon she had made out of the darkness.
After the trails, she had vowed: no more. No more hiding, no more comfortably living inside the shell she had been forced, and then had chosen, to remain in.
No more darkness.
Bruce would have never imagined she had meant the statement literally.
But he hadn't minded, when she fell over his bed, pulling him down by his tie, interrupting his actions.
"Leave it on." She had muttered, her breath hot over his skin, a small but elusive smile on her face as her eyes roamed over his own face, a glint in her eyes which made Bruce's insides flip and squirm.
Bruce didn't mind, his brain fully focused on one thing and one thing only. It had taken them a long time to get to a place where both of them felt comfortable enough to give it a go, and he wasn't about to ruin the moment by getting picky with the lights. It didn't bother him, but he did get curious as to why she had ordered him not to turn them off.
He was a scientist by nature and the question simmered on the surface of his brain. But her lips were soft against him, his fingers rough against her smooth skin. And so every question got pushed to the back of his mind, every thought that wasn't her, banishing from his brain.
She grinned at him as she noticed him losing his speech, as she saw how the questions inside his brain grew small until they were almost nonexistent. But her cattish smile disappeared from her face as she felt his warm hands skimming over her skin, joining him in losing her train of thought.
From not minding the light, Bruce grew to appreciate it, to enjoy how he could see her face, her every reaction to his and her movements, how the ever persistent mask she wore, dismantled in his presence, how he could read the emotions in her eyes, in her smirks and her small and very audible gasps.
Her smile afterwards was lazy and sated, her body still tingling with adrenaline and endorphins. His smile mimicked hers, his eyes were closed and chest was heaving, one of his hands still drawing lazy circles on her arms.
"What does it mean?" He asked once his breathing and heart rate returned to acceptable numbers. He turned his head towards her, opening his eyes, brown and rich and hazy. They overwhelmed Natasha, but didn't scare her, not anymore. The darkness had been her home for so long she had never thought she would welcome something with so much - light, in her life.
She knew what he was referring to, the small letters engraved unto her hip, elegant and simple but in a language she knew him to not understand.
A message she had written for herself, a reminder of who she was and who she wasn't. it had been a conscious decision, one she had made days after she had met Nick and had found herself in the middle of a family home filled with love and care and things she had no memory of ever receiving from any other human beings.
безопасный.
"I know it's Russian, but I can't remember -"
"It means 'safe'." She explained. "A reminder I felt I needed when I first joined SHIELD, back when I first met Clint and Nick."
Bruce traced the word, lightly brushing her skin, going letter by letter, marveling at how soft it was, on how warm she still felt.
"A reminder I need every once in a while." She added, breathing out and returning her gaze towards the ceiling, her eyes shutting close, her body growing even more aware of every move and breath being made by Bruce Banner next to her.
As much as Bruce wanted to remind and assure her that she was safe, that the worst part of her life was over, that she truly was free from her past and the demons which seemed to follow her around - he couldn't. Because to him, Natasha would never be completely safe, not while he remained near her, not while he still felt that red burning hot sensation when he got angry or frustrated. But it was as safe as she could be.
Bruce kissed the crown of her head before moving a little bit closer to her. Their bodies now fully touching, their arms and legs tangled with each other, both with their eyes on the ceiling, both shivering with the slightly cooler weather and with an easiness they both marveled in feeling.
"I used to stare at it more before, used to sometimes not believe it. I thought I would close my eyes and wake up chained back to the bed, the soft sounds of the piano waking us up."
Her voice was haunted, as it always was whenever she delivered any kind of insight into her young life, but it didn't shake, didn't crack. Bruce turned his head to look at her, and saw her, her hands lightly tracing the word, a contemplative smile on her face.
"You're smiling." It was out of his mouth before he could stop it, but the image of Natasha narrating the horrors of her life while giving even the smallest of smiles was an extraordinary sight, one which Bruce had never thought he would witness.
"What? Oh." She responded, siting up to look at him better, the hand which had been on her hip going to rest comfortably on his cheek before lowering down and coming to circle his neck.
"Guess I am. Didn't think you'd have a problem with that, doc." She teased, a secure way of diverting the conversation from its somber destination. It hadn't been her intention to bring up the red room, so she took it into her own hands to make sure it disappeared as quickly as it had come.
There as a time and place for everything.
Her teasing was effective and it made Bruce quickly respond to it, making him squirm, trying to move, and ultimately failing at it as he got tangled up in his own sheets.
"Uh, no, I just-"
She kissed him to silence him. Light, short and sweet; and with a teasing glint in her eye as she separated from him.
"Wasn't expecting you to." He finished as he exhaled and moved his arms so he could grab her by her waist, securing she wouldn't suddenly decide to leave him in his own bed, alone and naked and -alone.
"I'm glad I can still keep you on your toes."
He chuckled, but his eyes were pensive, searching for something within her which could explain to him her attitude. But even if she had emotionally opened up to him more, Natasha Romanoff was still a mystery. He knew he could spend the rest of his life searching for answers and yet he would never get them all. But he adored the parts of her she offered up, the shinning smiles and clever wit, the soft caresses and the tough defense.
"I don't think you'll ever not." He confessed, soft and a bit shy, the tips of his ears tinting red.
Natasha smiled then, small and true, the smile she rarely gave, but when she did, it was always to him. It was a sign of the lightness and trust she felt, of how -safe she felt around him.
She saw the moment his mind wondered, the second he decided to abandon the happiness and lightness they had created, and chose to succumb to the darkness of his mind. No more, Natasha had decided, no more hiding.
She secured her arms around him, pressing her body to him, her eyes searching for his, trying to reassure him that everything was good, that everything was - as close to perfect as they could make it.
"Hey Bruce, thank you." She grinned at him, enjoying how his eyebrows furrowed and how his face adorably scrunched up in confusion.
"You're -welcome?" It came out as a question and it made her chuckle, stealing a quick kiss from the corner of his mouth, whispering to him, close to his face making his skin prickle with the warmth of her breath, so close to him.
"For making me feel safe."
The comment meant more to Bruce than anything else she had ever said to him. Because, even though her voice carried honesty and he could feel her ease and tranquility, he still wasn't sure he would ever understand how she could trust him so much.
She wistfully smiled at him as she reached for the lights, turning them off as she moved to straddle him, her body relaxed and her mind eager.
"How long before you trust me?" She echoed, softly, her words disappearing as she gently laid a kiss over his mouth, enjoying his languid response, the slow and tantalizing way his hands and arms moved in order to secure her place.
Bruce decided to answer her question with silence, with full devotion and attention towards her which had her sighing into his mouth, smiling in the dark.
